After reluctantly accepting it, he squeezed some on his fingers. I once again backed up to watch when he reached around, tipped his ass up, pulled one ass cheek to the side and used his slick fingers all around his hole.
A heady feeling came over me since I would be his first. He was trusting me over all the men in his past with this monumental step.
Both a blessing and a curse.
Another chunk of my crumbling wall fell to my feet.
“Inside, too,” I instructed, scrambling to patch that wall.
His breath caught as he inserted one finger, then two, into his canal, working the lube inside and out.
My cock was rock hard and throbbing within my hand as I continued to slowly stroke it from root to tip.
When he was done, I wiped the Lubido off my hand and onto my shorts before dropping them to the floor and stepping closer.
I caged him in by planting my hands against the glass on either side of his head.
I planned on taking this as slow as I could until I couldn’t resist any longer.
Tate (Now)
With his hands braced on the glass, Ronan slowly leaned in and ran his warm breath from the top of my neck to the bottom. His lips never touched me. Nothing did, only his exhale as it swept over my heated skin in a ghostly caress.
I dropped my head forward and tensed to fight a shudder.
When he did it a second time, I accepted defeat and my body quaked with its reaction, spreading goosebumps along every inch of my heated skin.
A whispered, but shaky, “Roe,” escaped me when he separated my cheeks, ran a finger down my crease and across my anus. On his way back up, he paused on his target, pressing his fingertip against the tight ring of muscle, which I swore had its own heartbeat.
After slowly working one finger inside me, then a second, he slid them in and out, distributing the lube more thoroughly and stretching me slightly.
My breath seized and I once again tensed when he added a third digit and began circling and scissoring.
“I’m bigger than that, Tate.” His words whispered across my skin. “You can still say no.”
My voice had a shake to it when I insisted, “Keep going.”
I blew out a long, slow, controlled breath as I breathed through the initial stretch and discomfort.
Three fingers were only the beginning and I told myself to relax. It would be uncomfortable and I wouldn’t enjoy it if I didn’t.
I had never bottomed with Ronan back in college because I hadn’t been ready back then. I wasn’t sure if I was ready now.
Because of my unease, I had always topped Ronan. If he didn’t finish before I did, I’d make him come by using my mouth or hand. Or by massaging and milking his prostate. Something he’d taught me long ago and we both perfected by watching porn and doing endless amounts of fun practice.
I also got away without bottoming during my numerous random, nameless hookups in bathrooms, bars and truck stops. Even in parking lots and deserted parks.
I fought the shame that washed through me whenever I thought of all the times I cheated on Dahlia with random men. Every time I had to get my fix elsewhere.
If I didn’t get my fix, I was afraid of what I’d do.
And no matter what, my children needed me. I needed to be there for them. So, I did what I had to do to survive.
The ugly truth was once I discovered I preferred men over women, Dahlia was never enough for me.
Eventually, I realized she never had been. I never knew why until I met Ronan. Until he opened my eyes and let me see and be myself.
That was the real truth.
Did I suffer overwhelming guilt about what I did to Dahlia? Absolutely.
Overwhelming regret? Of course.
I beat myself up every time I met a stranger somewhere in a dark, isolated corner, vehicle or wooded area.
Every time I did, I’d close my eyes and replace the stranger’s face with one more familiar.
Even with that, I was never fully satisfied.
Not with Dahlia. Not with random hookups.
Nothing and no one could change the fact there would only be one man for me.
The man I screwed over.
The man I screwed up.
Because of that, I’d give him this tonight.
I told Ronan I’d do whatever it took.
I meant it.
The second his fingers slipped from me, the slick crown of his cock was dragged from my taint up my crack and back, the same as he’d done with his fingers.
I mentally prepared, once again telling myself to relax. To push out when he pushed in. I drew on the knowledge he taught me so long ago but was never brave enough to follow through on.
Tonight, I wouldn’t back out like I had so many times in the past. Every time feeling guilty, but also relieved.