Chapter 19
Andrew
I stareat Chastity as she scarfs down her eggs and waffles, her appetite far more voracious than I’ve ever seen. We still haven’t had that talk about babies, and just seeing her like this convinces me that we need to have it sooner rather than later. Reaching down, I grab her plate as he goes in with the fork for another kill.
The look of utter betrayal in her eyes lets loose a deep laugh. How many times is this now? With her, I’m starting to lose count. Things are changing, and seemingly for the better. Kissing the top of her head, I motion with a crook of my finger for her to follow me. For this type of talk, I want her away from prying ears and eyes. It’s hard enough to keep things private between us.
She trails after me, eyes glued to the plate. So fitting that she would rather have Jerry’s cooking than me, but that’s to be expected. I only hire the best. We get into the bedroom, and I shut the door, bringing the plate with me on the bed. She sits next to me, happily eating, not knowing the bomb I’m about to drop on her.
“How do you feel about babies?”
Her fork stops between her and the plate. “Like, babysitting? Is Angela pregnant?”
I lower her hand, wanting the fork far away from me. “No. You. You’ve not been on birth control, and we’ve had unprotected sex a few times now. I’m not convinced you’re pregnant yet, but the possibility is still there.”
She shrugs, a sadness creeping into her eyes. “I wouldn’t worry about it. I probably can’t have children.” Her words are matter of fact, but her voice cracks with emotion. The urge to gather her into my arms is overwhelming, but if I do, we might get distracted from this very serious conversation.
“James didn’t indicate any reason he felt you couldn’t have a child. Is there something we need to know about?” I reach into my back pocket, pulling out a small notebook. There are already several pages dedicated to this subject. Names, Health Concerns, Do’s and Don'ts of Having a Child,Appropriate Games, Bedwetting, Freud and Children. Flipping to a blank page, I add a new heading, Mommy’s Health Concerns.
A soft smile lifts her lips as she sees the amount of work I’ve already put into making sure this child is the healthiest and happiest in the world. “It’s stupid, really.”
“No concern is stupid. Is it a genetic issue?” I lean down, my pen poised.
She shakes her head and clears her throat. “Well, there’s the period issue, of course.”
“Yes,” I agree, flipping back to Health Concerns. “I’ve noted this. James thinks if we can get you back to a healthier weight and eliminate the stress from the trauma you had, it will be a non-issue. If it’s not fixed, we’ll be seeing him and getting another diagnosis.”
“That’s not the main issue, though. The main issue is...me. Mom - mom always told me that the more men you have, the more likely it is you’ll never conceive. I can’t even fathom what was done to me while I was out of it. How many men - I don’t even know what damage was done.”
Taking her plate, I set it on the nightstand before dragging her into my arms. Her tears scald my skin as I rock her in place. Sometimes mothers have no clue about the damage they do to their children. To say something like that is purely reprehensible.
Each day I think we’ve moved past something only to find another landmine. Though this is normal in trauma recovery, it’s not so pleasant seeing the woman you love go through it and be almost helpless. Love. The word glows in my chest as we rock together. So foreign, but so right.
“Listen to me, Love. James gave you a thorough inspection. The only other thing he can do is possibly an ultrasound. But he saw minimal damage. We’ve worked through most of it. This was not your fault. None of it.” My words send a fresh wave of sobs through her body, and I hold her tight, letting her ride out the worst of it.
“Nothing has to be decided tonight,” I murmur in her ear. “I can hold off or wear a condom until we know for sure if you’re pregnant or not. If you’re not, you can go on birth control, but it will be dishonest of me if I don’t say I’ll be disappointed. That’s not to pressure you, just to tell you that you won’t be alone in this.”
“Trust me, I’ve always wanted babies. It’s been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. I just don’t want you to hate me if it doesn’t happen.”
“My dear, you are under a misapprehension, one that I’m very happy to disabuse you of. I have never hated you, nor will I. Will I be disappointed in you? Yes. But that is what punishment is for. Even when you left me for William. I never hated you. I was gutted. I was beside myself. Never once did I hate you.”
“You - you.”
“I love you, Chastity Davenport. Whether or not you feel the same towards me doesn’t make a difference. It will not change how I feel. Baby or no baby, I will love you. If it’s your dream, then it’s mine too.” I grab her again, this time to punctuate my words with a firm kiss. “Besides, every time you don’t get pregnant is yet another time to try again. I plan to fuck you until you’re round with child. If it can’t happen, then we’ll figure something else out.”
I peel her off of me to undress, letting the clothes fall where they may. That soft, almost shy smile she gives me as she lies down and opens her legs sends another surge of arousal through my shaft.
She shudders under me, her legs spreading open wide. Already she’s wet, desperate for my touch. I didn’t think I’d be the one to want a child. Hell, I didn’t even think I’d be a one-woman type of man, but life has a funny way of turning everything you ever thought you wanted onto its head. Love like I’ve never known before slams into me as I drive into Chastity. I finally feel like I belong.
I groan as she flutters about me, all the hurt and pain I didn’t know I was clinging onto sloughing off like icebergs crashing into the ocean. Being a father means finally getting it right. Though she doesn’t feel it now, I know she’ll be terrified. I’ll be strong for them both. My good girl, my lover, my Chastity.
The End