“What is it?” I asked the question that had been unanswered for years. “What is happening to me? What do I feel?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Kyllen cradled my head between his hands, sinking his fingers into my hair. “It’s pleasure, Amira. Call it ‘sex’ or ‘making love,’ it’s all fine, as long as it feels good.” He kissed me again, then flicked my right hand from my other breast. He cupped it through my shirt, rubbing the nipple with his thumb. “Does this feel good, my sweet?”
The tip of my breast tingled, tightening. Ripples of heat spread lower, making me restless. I needed…something.
“Yes, Kyllen,” I moaned, arching my back. “So…so good.”
“What a good girl you are.” He slid the shirt off my shoulder, exposing my breast.
His familiar voice soothed me. His touch excited every nerve in my body. His senties caressed my neck as he palmed my breast, pinching the pebbled tip between his fingers.
“Oh God, Kyllen, yes.” I sucked in a breath, surrendering to the swells of pleasure that rolled through my entire body.
“Let me make you feel good tonight…” His voice floated over me, musical and enthralling, as his hands hiked up the skirt of my nightgown. He trailed his fingers up my inner thigh, igniting a new wave of thrills. “This is where you want me, isn’t it?” He pressed a finger to something right between my thighs and my legs jerked, pleasure bursting through me like fireworks.
“Oh…” was all I could manage, blinded by the sensation and craving more of it.
“Let me give you what you want, my darling.” He rubbed lightly, swirling the tip of his finger in circles.
I whimpered, raising my hips. “More… Oh, please Kyllen, a little more…”
He leaned over me, whispering in my ear, “Like this?” He pressed harder, rubbing faster. “How does it feel?”
I had no name for this feeling. Even if I did, I could no longer say anything. Words deserted me. My entire being seemed to narrow down to the tip of that one finger of Kyllen’s and the spot where he pressed it to me.
“Does it feel like you couldn’t possibly take any more?” he spoke for me, his whisper hot and urgent as he moved his hand ever faster. “Like you would explode into pieces if I continued? Yet you’d rather die than make me stop?”
I moaned something incomprehensible in reply, writhing my hips under his hand. I rolled my head on the pillow, and he caught my mouth in a kiss. His senties played with my breasts, coiling around them. Two small mouths closed over both of my nipples, nibbling and rubbing.
Sharp charges of pleasure rolled in bursts through my chest down to my lower belly. It tightened and wound in the spot right under Kyllen’s finger on me.
“Let it explode, my sweetest,” he murmured. “Let it go.”
And I did.
I couldn’t contain it any longer. I let it happen. Floodgates opened inside me somewhere and pure bliss coursed through me. Uncontained.
The unknown need that had been sparking in me through the years had finally come to completion. This was what I had wanted. This one body and mind shattering moment, when I fell apart, and couldn’t care less if I’d ever be whole again.
“Just like that.” Kyllen took me through it all. He slowed down, then removed his finger from me. Instead, he cupped me between my legs with his hand. The slight pressure he applied reaped a few more shudders out of me, each gentler than the one before, until my muscles quieted. Inside me, something still quivered slightly, like aftershocks of an earthquake of pleasure.
“What…” I panted, struggling to catch my breath and to find my words again. “What was that?”
“Orgasm.” Kyllen chuckled, nuzzling the side of my face. “Was it your first?”
“You know it was.”
He rose over me. “I know that no man has ever touched you. But haven’t you done it yourself?”
“I…”
What could I say to that?
That I had never had any time for myself? That I’d lived in a constant state of alert, expecting someone to yell for me any minute? That despite being lonely all my life, I’d never been left alone. I had no privacy. I’d never felt safe or relaxed enough to explore my body without a threat of invasion or interruption, and possibly punishment.
I released a breath, then said something that in a way encompassed all of the above.
“I never had my own nest before.”
I kept my voice light, expecting Kyllen to laugh at that. He always laughed so easily, even when he was a prisoner locked in a crate. But he didn’t laugh this time. Instead, he gently cradled me to his chest.
Something hard, long, and shaped very much like the cucumber I’d tossed at him once pressed to my side. I made a move to lean back and explore what it was.
But he kept holding me to him, not letting go. “Shh. Sleep now.”
“But—”
“You’re tired. Don’t worry about that. It can wait. We’ll have plenty of time together.”
Oh, how I wished it was true. And maybe it was?
Madame wasn’t here to threaten me or people I loved. There was no need to fear. I relaxed against his chest.
A handful of his senties caressed my cheek, then rested peacefully on the side of my neck.
I’d never felt like I belonged in the world that I’d left. Neither could I be sure yet that Lorsan would ever accept me as its own.
But right here in Kyllen’s arms, I was more at home than I’d ever been before. I felt like I finally belonged.
END of PART 1