AMIRA
The king fell asleep quickly, but I lay awake in my narrow nest by the window.
I buried my face into the silk-covered pillow I’d taken from the king’s bedding. It retained his scent, unfamiliar and wrong. I missed the scent of another man. I missed having Kyllen next to me.
Loneliness wasn’t a stranger to me, but until Kyllen was gone, I realized I’d never known the true meaning of being completely and utterly alone. The excruciating emptiness of it crushed me. The memories of the night he was taken from me came back, stabbing me from the inside with the pain too strong to bear. Tears bubbled hot in my chest, then finally erupted to the surface. I curled into myself and cried.
I cried for Kyllen. For everything he had survived in my world at the hands of Madame only to be killed in his home, by his own family.
I cried for my love for him that now had no purpose and no anchor, leaving me adrift in this strange new world.
And I cried for myself, unable to find any footing in the black twister of grief, loss, and pain.
“You said you’d never leave me,” I whispered into the pillow. “You promised…”
“A fae can’t break his promise,” the familiar voice sounded behind me, jolting me with shock.
His arms twined around me. His body pressed to my back.
“Kyllen…” I gasped, turning in his arms.
His smile greeted me, along with the glint of his familiar dark-golden eyes.
“Kyllen… You’re here? You’re alive.” I touched his face, his chest, his shoulders. His body felt real, the warm skin with the hard muscles underneath. Bone and flesh, not some ethereal entity.
He was here.
“But how?” My head was spinning.
“Shh.” He placed a finger to his lips. “It’s night here right now, is it not?”
“Yes.” I blinked, puzzled by his question. Was he not sure it was night? Could he not see it for himself?
“People may be sleeping where you are,” he said. “Let’s not wake them.”
I glanced over to the king’s nest. I knew it should be there, but I couldn’t quite make it out in the darkness that shrouded everything beyond my nest. The king’s snores had remained out there in the darkness, too. I couldn’t hear them anymore.
Kyllen was real. However, the rest of the world wasn’t quite what it should be.
“What’s happening?” I searched his face for answers.
He smiled. “I’m not quite sure.”
“Are you really here? Where are we?”
“So many questions.” He caressed the side of my face. Lifting one of my braids, he moved it over my shoulder. “You’ve always been such a curious little thing, my sweet pea.”
The sound of his nickname for me made my heart squeeze with longing.
“Oh, Kyllen… I…”
“I know.” He kissed my eyes, one then the other. “I feel everything you do, my darling.”
His kisses were more real than ever.
Because there was no veil between us.
“Oh, no…” I breathed out with a jolt of terror, touching my face. “How am I still alive?”
“Because you are a survivor, Amira,” he said, not talking about the veil. “Every day of your life, you’ve been fighting for survival in your own quiet way.”
“But what for? What is the point?” I drew in a shuddering breath. “I thought I could change things by being brave. I left everything behind, hoping for a better life. And what did I find here? I changed nothing, for either of us.” Sorrow gripped my heart, twisting it with so much pain, it hurt to breathe. “I only made it worse.”
He stroked my back, kissing my hair.
“I don’t think I can do it, Kyllen… I can’t keep going. I’m just…” I cried.
But it wasn’t the same as crying alone. The glide of his hands on my body soothed my grief, drying my tears. There was so much comfort in his strong arms around me.
“I know you’re scared,” he said when I’d calmed down enough to listen. “You’re hurting and you’re alone. You’re screaming inside, and it’s deafening.” He winced as if in pain, too.
“I’m screaming?”
“Not on the outside. You’re quiet for everyone else, but I can hear you. I feel your pain. And I can’t stand it. That’s why I’m here. To make it all better.” He ducked his head in search of my eyes. “I make you feel better, don’t I?”
I sniffled. “You always do.”
He flashed me a cocky grin. “I knew it.”
I released a long breath. Some of the pain seemed to let go with it, dissipating into the darkness beyond my nest.
“Will you stay with me, Kyllen?”
“Of course I will. I’m not going anywhere.”
“But how are you here at all?” The logic escaped me. At the same time, I didn’t want to think about it too hard, afraid that if I questioned it too much, Kyllen might vanish as suddenly as he had appeared.
He was here, now. It was all that mattered.
“Think of it as a cucumber,” he said.
“What?” I smiled in utter confusion.
“Remember the cucumber you threw at me? That alone didn’t exactly save my life, but it gave me the nourishment to be able to think, to cope, and to hope. It’s my turn to toss you a lifeline, Amira. I can’t let you drown in your sorrow and grief.”
“You want me to hope?”
“I want you to think. You need a clear mind to survive. Now more than ever. You have been my light in the darkness. Let me be that for you.”
“You’ve been that for me, Kyllen, and more—my anchor, my purpose.”
“Well, there you go.” He grinned happily. His chest expanded with a deep breath. “You need to rest. Let me hold you while you sleep.”
He drew me to him, and I buried my face in his chest. His familiar scent enveloped me like a comforting blanket. For the first time in days, I was able to breathe freely.