“Aren’t you tired of being Alone?” asked the lady walking beside him.
“I’m not Alone. You’re with me, are you not?”
“You’re wrong,” the lady whispered. “You’ll always be Alone until you let someone inside of you.” She reached a hand towards him. “Can’t I please step past the clouds, sir?”
The Lady and the Gray Knight by Keanne Summers and Alyx Cornwall
Words used to hold no power over Nathan. For so long, words had only been a means to communicate and nothing else. But this changed the moment he realized there were words that Alyx wanted to hear, words that he could not make himself say for reasons that remained unclear even to him.
Alyx had given his life new meaning when for so long, he had merely been existing, pretending to be normal, faking his ability to draw pleasure. On the night he had witnessed Nik Alexandropoulos’ rejection of her, it was like reliving his past---
Obviously, he knew how it had ended for him, and he hadn’t wanted the same for her. He wanted her untouched by the icy bitterness that still held his heart captive, and he thought he would be the one who could protect her, to nurture her.
But that it turned out to be the opposite---
That it became impossible for him to give her what she wanted---
It killed him.
It fucking killed him, and even though he knew it wouldn’t be enough, Nathan gave her other words instead – all the words she might want as well, all in the vain hope that it would keep her from breaking.
He told her about how his mother’s death had cut the last link between him and his father, told her about how they spoke less and less to each other until they had become civil strangers living under one roof. He told her of how his godfather had saved him, a man who had fallen in love with Nathan’s mother when they were sixteen – and had stayed in love with her even when she had gone on to marry another man.
He told her of how he had chosen modeling in a misguided, foolish attempt to anger his father, a boy’s desperate ploy for attention, but while it had failed in its primary objective, modeling had ended up giving him something else. It had become an outlet, a living classroom in which Nathan had gradually learned the art of reining in his temper – all his emotions really – in light of all the waiting and ass kissing that took place in the industry.
Modeling might be a whim or an exercise for vanity for most other people, but for Nathan Callis, it was a practice of self-discipline, and he had felt genuine regret at having to leave it a few years ago.
He told her things that he had shared with no one else, not even his godfather or friends, like the fact that he had quit while on top because he hadn’t wanted to risk hating the career that had become his life’s saving grace. He told her these things in desperate hope that they would be enough. He didn’t think he would be able to bear it if she started hurting again, knowing that he was the cause this time around.
He gave her all his time, his smiles, his attention. He accompanied her to work almost every day, surprised her with flowers, jewelry – he bought anything that reminded him of Alyx. He did everything from simple to extravagant, from making her coffee to flying her to Europe to celebrate a blogging milestone.
All that he could give her was hers, and yet---
There were times when she would look at him, and he would have to struggle to keep his face expressionless so she wouldn’t realize that he knew. He knew because he had been her once.
And the way she would look at him---
You’re too sweet, and it’s breaking my heart.
I don’t want you to be perfect, Nathan Callis.
I just wish you could love me back.
If only she knew. There was nothing he wanted more, but until his heart was completely free to love again, the words she desired would remain trapped inside of him.
Today was the launch of the newest self-published book of love poems by Keanne Summers, the French vixen of a fiancée of Jason Christakos, one of Nathan’s friends. All the BBFs were there, and so were most of their girlfriends – save for Christien’s betrothed, whose existence remained a well-kept secret.
Alyx’s own friends had come in full force as well, everyone quick to show support since Alyx had collaborated with Keanne on several poems and children’s stories, all of which had also been included in the book, which had shot straight to the top of bestseller lists on the first day of its release.
Yanna had come with her Dutch billionaire husband Constantijin Kastein, Daria with Nik, while Anneke de Konigh had flown all the way from Netherlands, accompanied by her younger cousin Farica. Fredericka would have attended as well, but with Alyx’s cousin in her last trimester, both Alyx and Freddie’s Russian billionaire husband had been adamantly against it. A compromise had been reached instead, with Alyx promising to fly with Nathan to Rockton and enjoy a celebratory dinner with the soon-to-be parents.