I nod slowly. “I see. Well, I hope you had fun,” I say, meaning anything but.

He peers at me. “I said she was.”

“I heard you.”

“Was, Aefre. Not anymore.”

I blink at him. “So, you are saying that you didn’t…play with her today?” I gulp, not really wanting to know.

“No,” he says. The relief floods through me, making me dizzy, until he says, “But I wanted to. Christ, Aefre, I’m sorry, but I wanted to.”

Now I just feel sick.

He takes a step forward and I take a step back, hands up. “What? Wait. What are you saying?”

He sighs, running his hand through his hair and says, “I have tried, Aefre. Since we got back from Castle Black, I haven’t wanted to be with anyone in that way. In fact, even before then, since we got close again. I don’t want to be that monster. I want to be better for you. For us.” He pauses. “She came here, and she is strong. Strong enough to take it and I wanted to. She wanted me to. She begged me. I was still turned on from the feed and you… I wanted to be that way with her. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?” he asks softly.

What can I say to that? There really isn’t anything that I can say to that. So, I don’t. I just stare at him and I’m sure he can see all the emotions passing across my wretched face.

He looks away in shame. “I’m sorry,” he says again.

“Where is she now?” I croak.

He looks up, surprised at the question. “With Sebastian,” he says.

Oh, spelled or willingly? I think this nasty thought.

He says, “Willingly.”

I roll my eyes.

“I’m yours, Aefre. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t be that monster again, especially after learning what I did…” he trails off, looking at me in sorrow.

“Learning what?” I dare ask but I’m dreading the answer.

“That everything Lance did to you, I taught him,” he says quickly. “It nearly kills me to think of the things he did, that I have done to others…to Vivienne, being used on you but to torture you to the extent that he broke you,” he chokes it out. “Aefre, forgive me. Forgive me for being a monster, for creating a monster. For being so much less than you deserve.”

He is begging me now and I mentally sigh. The slight uncertainty when he asked about how I talk to Lincoln was sweet and I loved that he asked about it, but this completely vulnerable side of him is just unnerving.

“Constantine,” I start, my heart thumping as I register his words. Broke me. He said, ‘broke me’. He knows. I recall whispering it so quietly to Lance in the cell. However, we have never mentioned it again. I should’ve known he’d heard me. He flinches as I use his full name, which I seem to be doing a lot of today. “There is nothing to forgive. Please, don’t feel you should keep apologizing for who you are. Who you were.”

“I told you that I wasn’t interested in being that with anyone but today I did. I feel like I have betrayed you,” he presses.

I’m getting irritated now.

“You are the only one I want,” he adds.

I kiss him briefly. “I know. I love you. You didn’t do anything and that is what counts. Look, I have somewhere to be right now,” I say with a quick glance at my phone. “But I will be back in a couple of hours.”

He looks at me sharply at my quick dismissal. “Where?”

“The Underworld. Xane and I have things to discuss that we didn’t get around to yesterday. I have questions and so does he.”

He looks less than happy. “Why can’t you talk here?”

“Like that’s going to happen. I can’t go two minutes without someone Astraporting in with some emergency or another. Two hours and I will be back, then I am all yours. And besides, due to the whole Jess debacle, you get me for another day,” I add as a bonus. Lincoln won’t be too happy, but as long as I spend some more time with him, he won’t complain.

His face brightens as he registers that. “So, I do. I shall have to thank her for her attempted suicide when she wakes up.”

Tags: Eve Newton Fantasy
Source: readsnovelonline.net