He sighs. “Of course, I want you to go for her, Aefre, but you haven’t even stopped to think about how I feel about this situation. Especially now after you lost a baby, I didn’t even know you were carrying. A baby that could well have been mine.”
“Yes, I have,” I say. “I have thought about how this affects you and everyone else. I love you. I know it must hurt.”
“Then end this, Aefre. Do whatever you have to do to end this, now.” His pained look tells me all I need to know. He does mean whatever I have to do.
“Tomorrow,” I say. “Right now, I just need to be with you.” And just like that it is brushed under the carpet, as is every other awkward conversation that needs to be had in this house. We are starting to be old pros with the sweeping brush it seems.
Chapter 8
The next morning, as I am walking down the corridor from my bedroom, Devon opens his bedroom door and yanks me inside, slamming the door behind us.
“You saw Cole?” he demands before I can ask what the Hell, he thinks he is doing.
“Yes,” I reply, and his face goes sad.
“How is he?” he asks.
“Not that good,” I say. “He’s not happy.”
“Oh,” he says.
“You should go and see him,” I venture.
His eyes pin mine earnestly. “I can’t,” he says eventually. “It’s weird.”
He paces up and down in agitation and I grab his hand. “Dev, just go and say ‘hi.’”
“I miss him,” he whispers and embraces me tightly.
“Me too,” I admit.
“Did you sleep with him?” he asks in my ear.
“Yes,” I reply. “I still love him.”
“I know you do. I wish he had stayed,” he says.
“What happened between you two?” I burst out, unable to hold it back any longer.
He pulls away from me and his serious blue eyes fix on mine. He doesn’t want to tell me, and that alone tells me everything I need to know about his feelings.
“It doesn’t matter now. With the whole Laurentis thing…” he says and shakes his head. His shoulders slump and he makes a confession. “I am not satisfied, Lizzie. I have tried to find someone who can satisfy this ache inside me from losing him from my life. He just left. He didn’t even say goodbye or anything.” He lets his hands fall heavily to his sides.
“What about me?” I ask. “You haven’t touched me in months.”
“You haven’t been available,” he says.
Well, I don’t suppose I can argue with that. “I’m here now,” I say suggestively.
“No, I won’t use you,” he says.
Oh, for the love of all things unholy, this is getting ridiculous.
“Since when do you turn me down?” I ask with my hands on my hips, more than a little pissed off.
He looks up at me with a frown. “I don’t want to turn you down, Lizzie, but you just lost a baby. I won’t do that to you.”
“I’ve healed,” I say.