Cept for me, that is. That was not to be either.
Chapter Five
After the Orange Bowl, the Atheletic Department get my grades for the first term, an it ain't long before Coach Bryant send for me to come to his office. When I get there, he lookin bleak.
"Forrest," he say, "I can understan how you flunked remedial English, but it will mystify me to the end of my days how you managed to get an A in something called Intermediate Light, an then an F in phys-ed class - when you is jus been named the Most Valuable College Back in the Southeastern Conference!"
It was a long story that I did not want to bore Coach Bryant with, but why in hell do I need to know the distance between goalposts on a soccer field anyway? Well, Coach Bryant lookin at me with a terrible sad expression on his face. "Forrest," he say, "I regret awfully havin to tell you this, but you is done flunked out of school, an there is nothin I can do."
I jus stood there, twistin my hands, till it suddenly come to me what he is sayin - I ain't gonna get to play no more football. I got to leave the University. Maybe I never see any of the other guys no more. Maybe I never see Jenny Curran no more either. I got to move outta my basement, an I won't get to take Advanced Light nex term, like Professor Hooks have said I would. I didn't realize it, but tears begun comin to my eyes. I ain't sayin nothin. I jus standin there, head hangin down.
Then Coach, he stand up hissef, an come over to me an he put his arm aroun me.
He say, "Forrest, it okay, son. When you first come here, I expect somethin like this would happen. But I tole em then, I said, just give me that boy for one season - that is all I ask. Well, Forrest, we has had ourselfs one hell of a season. That is for sure. An it certainly weren't your fault that Snake thowed the ball out of bounds on forth down...."
I look up then, an they is little tears in Coach's eyes, too, an he is lookin at me real hard.
"Forrest," he say, "there has never been nobody like you ever played ball at this school, an there won't be never again. You was very fine."
Then Coach go over an stand lookin out the winder, an he say, "Good luck, boy - now git your big dumb ass outta here."
An so I had to leave the University.
I gone back an pack up my shit in the basement. Bubba come down an he done brought two beers an give one to me. I ain't never drank a beer, but I can see how a feller could acquire a taste for it.
Bubba walk with me outside the Ape Dorm, an lo an behole, who should be standin there but the entire football team.
They is very quiet, an Snake, he come up an shake my han an say, "Forrest, I am very sorry about that pass, okay?" An I says, "Sure Snake, okay." An then they all come up, one by one, an shake my han, even ole Curtis, who is wearin a body brace from his neck down on accounta bashin down one door too many in the Ape Dorm.
Bubba say he'd hep me carry my shit down to the bus depot, but I say I'd rather go alone. "Keep in touch," he say. Anyhow, on the way to the bus station, I pass by the Student Union store, but it ain't Friday night, an Jenny Curran's band is not playin, so I say, the hell with it, an catch the bus on home.
It was late at night when the bus got to Mobile. I had not tole my mama what had happened, cause I knew she'd be upset, so I walk on home, but they is a light on up in her room an when I get inside, they she is, crying and bawling jus like I remember. What had happen, she tell me, is that the United States Army has already heard bout me not makin my grades, an that very day a notice done come for me to report to the U.S. Army Induction Center. If I had known then what I know now, I would never had done it.
My mama take me down there a few days later. She has packed me a box lunch in case I get hungry on the way to wherever we is going. They is about a hundrit guys standin aroun an four or five busses waiting. A big ole sergeant be hollerin an yellin at everbody, an Mama goes up to him an says, "I don't see how you can take my boy - cause he's a idiot," but the sergeant jus look back at her an say, "Well, lady, what do you think all these other people is? Einsteins?" an he gone on back to hollerin an yellin. Pretty soon he yell at me, too, an I git on the bus an away we went.
Ever since I lef the nut school people been shoutin at me - Coach Fellers, Coach Bryant an the goons, an now the people in the Army. But let me say this: them people in the Army yell longer an louder an nastier than anybody else. They is never happy. An furthermore, they do not complain that you is dumb or stupid like coaches do - they is more interested in your private parts or bowel movements, an so always precede they yellin with somethin like "dickhead" or "asshole." Sometimes I wonder if Curtis had been in the Army before he went to play football.
Anyhow, after about a hundrit hours on the bus we get to Fort Benning, Georgia, an all I'm thinkin is 35 to 3, the score when we whupped them Georgia Dogs. The conditions in the barracks is actually a little better than they was in the Ape Dorm, but the food is not - it is terrible, altho there is a lot of it.
Other than that, it was just doin what they tole us an gettin yelled at in the months to come. They taught us to shoot guns, thow hand grenades an crawl aroun on our bellies. When we wadn't doin that we was either runnin someplace or cleanin toilets an things. The one thing I remember from Fort Benning is that they didn't seem to be nobody much smarter than I was, which was certainly a relief.
Not too long after I arrive, I get put on KP, on account of I have accidentally shot a hole in the water tower when we was down at the rifle range. When I get to the kitchen, it seems the cook is took sick or somethin, an somebody point to me an say, "Gump, you is gonna be the cook today."
"What I'm gonna cook?" I axed. "I ain't never cooked before."
"Who cares," somebody say. "This ain't the Sans Souci, y'know."
"Why don't you make a stew?" somebody else say. "It's easier."
"What of?" I axed.
"Look in the icebox an the pantry," the feller say. "Just thow in everthin you see an boil it up."
"What if it don't taste good?" I axed.
"Who gives a shit. You ever eat anythin around here that did?"
In this, he is correct.
Well, I commenced to get everthin I could from the iceboxes an the pantry. They was cans of tomatos an beans an peaches an bacon an rice an bags of flour an sacks of potatoes an I don't know what all else. I gathered it all together an say to one of the guys, "What I'm gonna cook it in?"
"They is some pots in the closet," he say, but when I looked in the closet, they is jus small pots, an certainly not large enough to cook a stew for two hundrit men in the company.
"Why don't you axe the lieutenant?" somebody say.
"He's out in the field on maneuvers," come the reply.
"I don't know," say one feller, "but when them guys get back here today, they gonna be damn hungry, so you better think of somethin."
"What about this?" I axed. They was an enormous iron thing bout six feet high an five feet aroun settin in the corner.
"That? That's the goddamn steam boiler. You can't cook nothin in there."
"How come," I say.
"Well, I dunno. I jus wouldn do it if I was you."
"It's hot. It's got water in it," I says.
"Do what you want," somebody say, "we got other shit to do."
An so I used the steam boiler. I opened all the cans an peeled all the potatoes an thowed in whatever meat I could find an onions an carrots an poured in ten or twenty bottles of catsup an mustard an all. After bout a hour, you could begin to smell the stew cookin.
"How's the dinner comin?" somebody axed after a wile.
"I'll go taste it," I say.
I unfastened the lid to the boiler an there it was, you could see all the shit bubblin an boilin up, an ever so often a onion or a potato woud come to the top an float aroun.
"Let me taste it," a feller axed. He took a tin cup an dip out some stew.
"Say, this shit ain't near done yet," he says. "You better turn up the heat. Them fellers'll be here any minute."
So I turned up the heat on the boiler an sure enough, the company begun comin in from the field. You could hear them in the barracks takin showers an gettin dressed for the evenin meal, an it weren't long afterward that they begun arrivin in the mess hall.
But the stew still wadnt ready. I tasted it again an some things was still raw. Out in the mess hall they begun a kind of disgruntled mumblin that soon turned to chantin an so I turned the boiler up again.