“You wanted to know me…this is me. And just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make it wrong. Life isn’t all rainbows, and fucking butterflies to everyone like it is for you, Ezra. Some people have deep routed problems, fucked up shit they’ve been through in their lives. Some people cut themselves or hurt themselves; others choose to practice BDSM to find a way to fuel their needs in a safe and controlled manner. That is what this is. She’s a drug abuser, and the only way she can fight the urges she has not to use is to be punished. Tell her.”
“I need this.” The girl whispers, lifting her tear-filled gaze from the ground to look at Ezra. “I can’t control my urges, but this helps me take the edge off the pain of withdrawal.” She explains timidly.
“This isn’t helping you. You’re just replacing one fucked up habit with another.” Ezra looks up at me. “And what do you get out of this, Damien?”
“Control.”
“Control? Is this what you want to do to me? Whip me till I’m screaming and bleeding? Strangling me until I pass out while you ‘reward’ me? This is what it takes to be good enough for you?” Ezra questions, and I stare into her eyes.
“It’s not what I want. It’s what I need to be able to fucking function!” I gripe, glaring at her, and she blinks, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“There are better ways to deal with your issues than this, Damien!” Ezra argues, and I exhale, fisting my hands. “Ways that aren’t cruel or abusive. What you suffered in your past doesn’t need to turn into such a monster!”
“Ezra enough!”
“No, it’s not!” She sobs, looking up at me. “It’s not enough. I deserve to know the truth. Make me understand. I know you lost a lot in your life, but how can you possibly think this is okay?” I turn and release the girl from the cuffs, dismissing her before I turn and look at Ezra again.
“What the fuck do you know about loss? Huh? What the fuck have you ever lost in your life, Ezra?” I demand, grasping her arms and squeezing till she winces. “I could sit here and explain until I'm blue in the face, but you won’t get it because you don’t know what it’s like to grow up the way I did! You don’t know what it’s like to have someone violate your pain!” I bellow. “I didn’t have a family to turn to. You think this is brutal? Believe me. This right here is child’s play in comparison to what I suffered growing up. Watching my parents get killed right in front of me and what I did to that girl was just the tip of the iceberg of shit I had to endure in my life.”
“Then tell me.” Ezra pleads, reaching up to take my face into her hands. “Why won’t you just let me in?”
“Because I can’t, Ezra! The darkness I have festering inside of me will swallow you whole and destroy you.” I declare, and she just looks up at me helplessly. “Stop trying to save me because you can’t. I’m damaged beyond repair.”
“That’s not true.” She whispers despairingly.
“I’m no good for you! What is it going to take for you to see that Ezra? I’ve been warning you from the start. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay the fuck away from me.” I tell her, and she shakes her head.
“And if I can’t?” I stare at her, and she stares right back.
“Then you’ll burn, and you’ll have no one else to blame but yourself,” I admit bluntly, and she blinks when I step closer to her. “Go, Ezra.”