Much later that night, Marcus sprinted up the stairs to his apartment and almost pulled the door off the hinges to get inside.
But Jamie wasn’t there.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Jamie glanced over at the white takeout container perched on the seat beside him and rolled his eyes. Might as well admit it. He was a glutton for punishment.
He was also late. Really fucking late.
The faculty meeting had gone on long, as they tended to do, conversation turning from school news to summer vacation plans to the challenges of raising small children of their own—and all the while, the drinking continued until Fran, their resident geometry teacher, had burst into tears and told everyone she’d left her husband and filed for divorce because of his World of Warcraft addiction. Of course, Jamie had been blessed with the extraordinary luck to be sitting beside Fran and was subsequently dragged to a neighboring bar to hear every sordid detail.
Before Jamie knew it, two hours had passed and he’d still had an hour-long train ride back to Long Beach ahead of him. There was no way he’d make it to Marcus’s apartment before him—it was already one thirty in the morning—but he’d brought a peace offering. Not just for being late, but also for ignoring the man’s phone calls.
Not answering had been an immature reaction, but sue him if sneaking out of his boyfriend’s juice shop with a pair of blue balls hadn’t stung his pride. Even now, the walls of his throat constricted thinking about how much he’d wanted the ground to open up and swallow him in that moment. There Jamie had been, after years of dating men openly and refusing to be ashamed of who he was…literally hiding behind a counter so he wouldn’t get caught. His face still stung as if he’d been slapped.
Yet, he would go to Marcus tonight. For three reasons.
One, he’d meant what he said. He’d known damn well what he was getting into by dating Marcus in secret. He’d fucking known. Walked into it with eyes wide open.
Two, he’d promised to give Marcus time. As in, more than a week.
And three, goddammit, he loved the man.
Yeah, there was no denying love was the biggest motivator here. Every second of his night had been spent missing that giant son of a bitch. Okay, maybe a few minutes in the bathroom had been spent Googling cock cages, but most of the night had been about missing Marcus. Getting out of Long Beach for the night had been a good idea, however. While Fran detailed her husband’s descent into the virtual lifestyle, he’d been putting the situation with his boyfriend into perspective.
Look how far Marcus had come already. It wasn’t fair for Jamie to put any further expectations on Marcus when—in the space of a few weeks—he’d come out to Jamie, confessed his feelings and frankly, been an incredible boyfriend.
When they were alone.
So it smarted a little when Marcus fist bumped him in the Castle Gate, as a form of greeting. Or crept out of his house before the sun came up. He was not going to be sensitive about these things. Marcus needed to get comfortable in his own skin, and learning to embrace one’s sexuality didn’t happen overnight. Whenever Marcus showed up at his door with his heart in his eyes and kissed Jamie like it had been an eternity, Jamie remembered why he was putting himself through the hiding again. Living as if their needs and preferences were wrong.
Because Jamie cared like hell about Marcus and if he could just push past the hurt a while longer, it would be worth every second. Not like the first time around with Chris. Jesus, Marcus couldn’t be less similar to Chris. Even if the creeping around put Jamie right back in that shame mindset, he had to believe it was temporary.
Please let it be temporary.
The train speaker crackled and a tired voice announced their arrival in Long Beach. Jamie picked up the takeout container and got off the train, pausing for only a beat on the platform before heading in the direction of Marcus’s apartment. He hadn’t listened to Marcus’s voicemail yet and he did so now, cursing and picking up his pace when he heard the agonized message. Why hadn’t Jamie just swallowed his pride and answered the calls?
When Jamie entered Marcus’s building, he started to ring the bell, then remembered he had the keys. It didn’t feel right walking into his apartment without at least knocking, but he used the building key to let himself up the stairs. The smell of something cooking—was that pork?—was strong for almost two o’clock in the morning, but Jamie was too concerned about Marcus to question it. He knocked on the door as soon as he reached it—and it flew open to reveal Marcus in an apron.