Emily
HearingDavid call me Em again sends shivers through me. The feeling reaches out and wraps around my stomach. He looks amazing. He’s put on a little weight, which means he's been sober. His hair is still long, but it’s pulled neatly back. He's wearing a polo and new jeans. I know they’re new because he left the sizing sticker down the thigh. I reach over and pull it off, the plastic fighting to maintain its grasp on the fabric. He looks embarrassed, and it's adorable.
“Just a little stressed out, is all. I'll be okay. I want to hear all about how you're doing,” I say, in an attempt to guide the conversation toward David. I don't know how to explain what has been going on with Kevin and me.
He gets the biggest smile on his face and sits taller.
“I got a job. I manage an apartment complex, pretty much on my own. This woman, Bianca, gave me the chance, even though I didn't know a damn thing about maintenance. I also haven't used since… well...”
He looks down at the table and closes his eyes for a moment before looking back up at me. Is he reminiscing about the night of his overdose? I’m glad he doesn't have my memories of his chest as still as the surface of a pond. I find my own breath lacking, and I inhale.
“I am so happy for you, David. Truly. So, are you seeing this Bianca?”
He looks down and plays with the napkin on the table. “Kind of. I mean, it hasn't gone very far. But I don't know.”
I can hear my heartbeat in my ears.
David grabs my hand and brings me back to the moment. “Don't worry about that. I want to hear about you. What have you been up to?”
His hand is so warm, and I can feel his pulse in his thumb—a rhythmic reminder that he’s here with me. I look up at him, unsure of what to say.
“I don't know. I’ve just been working. Same old job.”
“Oh. And how about you and Kevin?”
I knew he'd ask. I wish the floor would open and swallow me, but I can't disappear with his hand holding mine.
“We are… not really okay. Things have gotten pretty rough, to be honest.”
David squares his shoulders. “He isn't hurting you, is he?”
“No, no. Nothing like that. He just has a lot of problems, and I don't think I’m the one who can save him from himself.”
“A lot of problems, eh? Guess you have a type.” David grins.
“Oh, shut up!” I roll my eyes and smile back at him.
* * *
David
I walk Emilyto her car. I hold the driver’s door ajar with one hand and lean onto the body of her car with my other arm. She looks up at me with her incredible green eyes. Her arm grazes my chest as she turns to sit. I stop her. She bites her lip, and I lean down and kiss her. She doesn't taste familiar anymore. Her lips are tinted with alcohol. She kisses me back, and my tongue explores her mouth until she pulls away.
“David, I can't—”
“I know. It was good seeing you. We can't let so much time go by again. I really missed you.”
She gives me a weak smile and closes the car door. The engine roars to life. I’m left standing in the parking lot, confused and hard as a rock.
* * *
Emily
David’s formgets smaller in the rearview mirror as I drive away, but the intrusive thoughts get larger. What just happened? There’s a nervous energy in my gut—something I haven’t felt in a while.
I catch a glimpse of my reflection as I pull into the driveway. My lip gloss is smudged. I wipe it away with the back of my hand.
I enter the house, flip on the light in the kitchen, and set down my bag. Kevin looks up and greets me before turning back to his video game. The ache within me is hard to ignore.
I walk over to him, push his controller out of the way with my thigh, and straddle his waist. I kiss him and breathe him in. He’s sober. Can he taste the liquor on my breath? His hands rub down my sides, resting at my hips. I long for the rough passion we had before things spiraled for us. When we sleep together now, it feels forced. Almost mechanical.
I pull my shirt over my head and he kisses my chest, reaching behind me to unclip my bra. He lifts me and lays me down on my back. The ache between my legs is almost unbearable as he unzips his jeans, fumbling with the button while keeping his mouth on me. I reach down and feel how hard he is. He is still so strong.
He’s inside me, and I gasp. It’s been awhile. His thrusts are deep and hold a hunger that mirrors the start of our relationship. The memory of David washes away as waves of pleasure crash over me. Kevin’s breath is heavy and his thrusts are slow. He looks down at me with a flirty smile and kisses me. I’m not ready to think again. Instead of bathing in the after-effects of passion, I wallow in guilt.
* * *