14
JOHN
“How are things going there?” Quinn asks when she calls the next morning.
“Good,” is my reply. I wish I could say that it was easier for me to open up to family, but it’s not. It might even be the opposite. Quinn would be the very last person I would want to unleash all my shit onto. She’s been through enough in her life; the last thing she needs is to take on my issues too. After high school, she attended the University of Alaska Anchorage. I think being in Hawaii was too hard—too many memories of our parents—so when she had the opportunity, she fled and hasn’t been back since.
I don’t blame her; I left via the military. How somebody goes from one extreme to another, like Hawaii to Alaska, is crazy to me, but that’s Quinn. She’s strong-willed and independent; when she makes up her mind, there’s nothing stopping her.
She’s a sophomore there now, and absolutely loves Alaska. She checks in at least every week. I think she can tell that I’m going through some shit, but there’s not much she can do from so far away. I don’t like that she worries about me; it makes me feel guilty. I appreciate when she calls so I know she’s all right, but I don’t want to talk about myself to her, either. I usually find an excuse to cut things short, like I do now.
“Quinn, I gotta go. Let me know if you need anything, okay?” I hear a sigh, and then “All right… bye, John.” I hang up and hop in the shower.
As I’m just finishing dressing, I hear a light knocking on the patio door. I was expecting Mia, but I’m surprised to see a little girl with her as well.
“Hi, good morning!” Mia says cheerfully. “So guess what? I was at the coffee shop this morning, and Julie got a call from her sister saying she broke her arm and needed help getting to the hospital. So Julie starts shutting the whole coffee shop down, kicking everyone out, and tells Hazel that they need to go. Well, I felt bad that Hazel would be stuck at a hospital all day, so I offered to watch her for a few hours! John, this is Hazel. Hazel, meet my friend John.”
Mia moves to her side, and the little girl peers up at me with a huge grin. She reminds me of Quinn when we were younger, same brown hair and everything.
“Hello.” I don’t have a lot of experience with kids, so I don’t really know what to say.
“Do you mind if we use your pool? I thought Hazel would enjoy swimming.”
“Not at all; help yourself.”
Mia grins at me. “Thank you!” She walks Hazel to one of the tables, and I find myself following them.
“Is he your boyfriend?” Hazel asks Mia, who looks a little flustered at the question. She glances in my direction.
“Well… he’s a boy, and he’s also my friend, so yes. Now, let’s get some sunscreen on you before you swim. I’m not sending you back to your mom looking like a lobster.” Hazel giggles as Mia rubs some lotion on her skin. I lower myself to sit in one of the chairs, inexplicably drawn to their interactions.
“Are you mad?” Hazel asks, eyeing me as Mia rubs lotion on her face. Mia shoots me an apologetic look, then turns her attention back to Hazel.
“He’s not angry; he’s just a little too serious. He doesn’t laugh very much. Maybe you could try and get him to laugh today. You are the funniest person I know.” Hazel giggles again. I didn’t realize I looked angry, but I guess it doesn’t surprise me. With all the shit that’s going on in my brain, it makes sense that some of it would show on my face.
“Okay, you’re all set! Let's let that soak in for a couple minutes before getting in the pool, okay? How about we just dip our toes in?” Mia pulls her shorts and tank top off to reveal a blue and teal swimsuit, which I have a hard time prying my eyes away from. It’s a one-piece, with teal on the top, with wrapping up and over one shoulder. The teal blends into a deep blue on the bottom half, tightly hugging her curves. Mia catches me staring at her, and she waves me off with a shooing motion while her cheeks start to turn pink. They walk to the stairs of the pool, sit on the top step and set their feet in the water.
“John, will you come swimming with us? I can’t cheer you up if you’re all the way over there,” Hazel calls to me.
I can’t help but smile at her. She sure is cute. If only a little girl was all it took to get me out of my head.
“Sure thing, Hazel. I’ll go put my suit on.” She lights up, like I just told her I’d buy her a pony or something. By the time I come back, Mia and Hazel are splashing and swimming in the water. I cannon ball into the deep end, sending a wave of water splashing over both the girls. They both squeal and splash water back at me.
“Can I have a ride on your back, John? I’m not allowed in the deep end by myself yet.” Her brown eyes look hopeful, and there’s no way I can turn her down. I swim over to her, and she wraps her little arms around my back.
“You have a lot of muscles,” she says, very matter of fact. Mia laughs; I take a deep breath and swim a few laps around the pool. On the third lap, I glance over at Mia, whose eyes are burning into mine.
“Look at you, Mr. Big Strong Army Man… swimming, making a sweet little girl’s day,” she calls out. Then she lowers her voice slightly, “I don’t think I’ve ever been more attracted to you.”
“Ew!” Hazel cries, and I chuckle.
We spend the next hour swimming, with Hazel showing us her diving skills in the shallow end. Then Mia goes inside to make us some sandwiches, while Hazel asks me a bunch of questions about surfing. She’s never tried it, and I promise to teach her someday. I find myself a little bit disappointed when Julie calls Mia to say she’s on her way to pick her up. I have to admit, Hazel has been a nice little distraction; I think I even got out of my head for a little bit today.
Hazel gives Mia a big hug goodbye, and then, to my surprise, she turns to me with her arms wide and flings herself at me. I crouch down just in time to catch her.
“I’m glad you’re not mad anymore,” she whispers. I give her a wink and pat the top of her head, not quite knowing what else to do. As we wave to her and Julie as they back out of the driveway, I feel Mia’s arm slip around my waist.
“You were amazing with her! You didn’t have to hang with us all day, but I’m sure glad you did. Do you know how hot you are when there’s a cute kid on your shoulders?” she asks me, with a twinkle in her eyes.
I chuckle. “Easy now. I actually didn’t mind it. She’s fun to be around. And so are you.” I lean down to kiss her on the cheek. She grins up at me, and then glances at her watch.
“Hey, I have a question,” she says hesitantly. “I noticed that there are a couple bicycles in your garage?”
I nod. “Yeah, those were my aunt and uncle’s… you want to go for a ride?”
Her face lights up. “Yes! I’ve been meaning to rent a bike but haven’t gotten a chance yet. You could come with me, if you’re up for it? Otherwise, I totally understand if you’re sick of me, I can go by myself.”
“I’m actually not sick of you.” I say it in a matter of fact tone, and she laughs, but I really am surprised that I’d rather be with her than alone. “Let’s go,” I say, taking her hand in mine.
I wheel my aunt's bike over to Mia and quickly check the tire pressure before she climbs on. Once I do the same for my uncle's bike, we set off down the street.
“Where do you want to go?” I ask her.
“Doesn’t really matter! We don’t have to go through town… maybe just show me around some quieter parts of the island?”
“You got it.”
For the next hour or so, I take her on a little tour of the Hawaii I knew as a kid. I make a big loop, stopping to show her the house I grew up in, and my elementary school. Matt’s childhood home is near the school, so I show her that, too, as well as a park we used to play at.
When we come to the public beach access, we stop at one of the food trucks nearby to grab some fish tacos. It feels good to get some fresh air, but at the same time, all of these places just remind me of my old life and how nothing feels the same anymore. I feel disconnected, like all these memories are associated with someone else, and I’m just telling their story.
We eventually make our way back to the house, where I put the bikes back in the garage. When Mia grabs my hand, I wonder if she can tell something’s off. Then again, everything’s always off, so who knows what the hell she sees when she looks at me. I walk her to the cottage, and she wraps her arms around me in a hug.
“Thank you for today, for all of it,” she whispers in my ear, sending a jolt of electricity through my body.
I kiss her softly. “You’re welcome. Goodnight, Mia.”