21
MIA
“Do you love him?” Paige’s voice asks from my phone. I have her on speaker on the kitchen table so I can type on my laptop at the same time.
“I mean, I’m definitely falling for him. I like him a lot, Paige. A lot. I’ve never felt a connection like this with anyone else. But at the same time, it’s hard to be in love with someone who’s holding back and not giving you one hundred percent, you know? We’re definitely not completely there yet.”
“So you’re supposed to come home, when? Two weeks? Have you guys talked about what’ll happen once you leave?”
I came clean with Paige this morning, telling her the truth about how we were just pretending at first, but then eventually naturally fell for each other. She was hurt that I had lied to her, which I still feel bad about, but she wasn’t surprised that John and I are a thing now. She said it was obvious that we had chemistry.
It’s been about a week since my cheer-up attempt at the main house. It seemed to work, and we’ve actually had a really great week. We’ve been to the beach so John can surf a few times. He’s offered to teach me again, but so far, I haven’t taken him up on it. I’m trying to build up the courage to try again.
When I mentioned that I’d like to go snorkeling, he took me to this secluded cove that he grew up going to. It wasn’t crowded at all—apparently, it’s a spot that only locals know about, and there’s an unspoken rule that nobody tells the tourists about it. It felt good to be let in on the secret. It was absolutely breathtaking, definitely one of my favorite days in Hawaii so far. While I was holding John’s hand, snorkeling and watching all of the marine life, I felt so incredibly happy I thought I might burst.
I even convinced him to come have dinner with me in town again, on a weekday, of course, and then we stopped to see Matt at the bar on the way home. It’s been really amazing. I’ve been able to see a glimpse of what life with John could really be like, and I’m not going to lie—it looks really good.
“No, we haven’t talked about it. We’re both avoiding that topic. It’s easier to pretend that it’s never going to happen.”
“Well, my advice would be to just talk about it. Rip off the Band-Aid… see where his head’s at, you know?”
“Yeah, you’re right. We’re going hiking today, so maybe I'll bring it up then. It depends on his mood, though. He won’t open up with me and tell me what he’s thinking unless he’s in the right mood. But we’ll see. I’ve gotta run; I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
“Okay, bye! Have fun! Text me a picture of you guys on your hike!”
I hang up the phone, send my last email of the morning, and head to my bedroom. I’m supposed to meet John in twenty minutes for our hike. I dig through the dresser and pull out a matching workout set. I pull on the black yoga pants and black sports bra, and wrap a black and white flannel button up around my waist just in case, although I don't think I’ll need it. As I pull my tennis shoes on, I hear a knock at the door and the creak of the front door opening.
“Mia?”
“Come on in! I’ll be right there!”
I tie up my laces, and then stop in the bathroom to pull my hair up into a ponytail and apply some sunscreen. Walking back down the hallway, I see John leaning against the back of the couch, waiting patiently. My heart skips a beat. He’s wearing a pair of gray basketball shorts and a black T-shirt. I walk up to him and lean into his chest. His strong arms encircle me, and if this isn’t the best feeling in the whole wide world, I don’t know what is.
I squeeze him tighter, and then remove myself from his arms, walking to the front door. “Are you ready to hike? I can’t believe you have all these amazing trails here, and you hardly ever go!”
“I’m not a big hiker, but I’ll suck it up and go for you,” he says with a smile. “You came fishing with me, so it’s only fair.”
“That’s right! I went fishing AND got sea sick for you,” I say, leaning over to give him a quick kiss as we close the cottage door. “And I’d do it all over again every single day because I saw how happy it made you.”
“You’re amazing, you know that?” He grabs my hand as we make our way to his car.
“I know,” I reply with a smirk.
We drive about fifteen minutes to get to Manoa Falls Trail. It’s supposed to be a relatively easy trail, which is why I chose it. It’s only 1.6 miles, so it shouldn’t take us too long. If it’s not too miserable for him, maybe I’ll be able to convince him to go on a longer hike with me another time. We park and climb out of the car, spray some mosquito repellant on ourselves, and make our way to the entrance. We set off on the trail, and I’m caught off guard by how stunning it already is. It feels like I just walked into a rainforest. I can smell the eucalyptus trees, and it’s misting rain, which is crazy because it was bright and sunny on the drive over. The light rain makes the trail a little muddy, so we hold hands to keep each other steady.
We continue on, passing breathtaking banyan trees, marveling at the way their many roots grow intertwined with each other. I take a selfie of us standing in front of one to send to Paige. After a little while, we come to a detour that takes us through a bamboo grove. We walk mostly in silence, taking in the stunning beauty. Eventually, we reach the 100-foot-high waterfall. Even though the flow isn’t too hard, given the lack of rain recently, it is still absolutely stunning. We walk up to the wooden fence surrounding the water below the waterfall.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I ask John, who nods in agreement. “Should we rest here for a few minutes before finishing the trail?”
“Sure.”
We both lean against the fence, taking it all in. I figure now is as good a time as any to bring up what we should do once I go home. I hesitate, not sure if I can manage to keep up a good face if he doesn’t want to keep in touch.
Band-Aid, Mia. Rip the Band-Aid off.
“So… ”I start, turning toward him. “Do you think we should maybe… talk about us? I’m supposed to leave in a couple of weeks, and I guess I just want to see where your head is at.”
John angles his body so his hip is leaning against the fence, facing me. His eyes meet mine, and he nods. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”
“I mean, I don’t want to put pressure on this or anything... and if you don’t want to keep talking to me after I leave, I totally under—”
“Would you stay?” he interrupts. My eyes grow wide as I take in what he just said. “What do you mean stay?”
“I mean, I know this is relatively new, and I still think you deserve someone a hell of a lot better than me, and I know it’s not really fair of me to ask you to stay... but would you? Stay? With me, obviously,” he asks with a hint of nervousness in his voice.
I’m surprised at how much I want to say absolutely and jump in his arms. Being on this hike with John makes me long for a life full of adventures with him. My heart is desperately screaming at me to say yes. It’s my brain that’s making me pause before agreeing to uproot my entire life. Would it be absolutely insane? Yes, yes, it would. I hadn’t even allowed my brain to consider staying as an option.
“You want me to move in with you?”
“Yes... if you wanted to.”
I let out a small laugh that sounds slightly crazed even to my ears. “I mean, how would that work? I would probably have to leave my job back home and find a new job here, and I’d be leaving my friends and family. I don’t know… it’s a lot, John. I guess I need to think about it?” He nods in understanding. As frazzled as I am, I can’t help the smile forming on my face. “I’m flattered that you asked, though. I like you a lot, John. I’ve never felt this with anyone else—you know that, right?”
He grabs my hand and moves to stand in front of me. I wrap my other arm around his neck as he gives me a sweet smile.
“Yes, I know that. I’ve never felt like this with anyone else either. I’d be stupid to let you go without at least trying to get you to stay.” He leans down to kiss my lips, and I can’t help but think of how amazing it would be to get to kiss him every day.
We spend a few minutes kissing, listening to the waterfall trickle down and drip into the pool of water next to us. Then we make our way down the rest of the trail to finish our hiking adventure for the day. When we reach the car, we grab some water bottles from the cooler that John put in his trunk. John tosses me a towel and grabs one for himself, and we attempt to clean some of the mud off of our shoes before we get back in the car.
“Thank you for coming with me today, John. I had a really great time. It wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“You’re welcome,” he says with a smile. “I’m starting to think you could talk me into doing just about anything with you.”
I grin back at him, climbing in the car. On the drive back, I can’t help but think that I’m the same way with him. I’m not exactly sure what a life with John would look like, but I do know without a doubt that I don’t like the idea of a life without him. And that alone scares me to death.