“Get your shit together Kristina,” I tell myself out loud. I can’t believe I let a man I have only known for ten minutes eat me out. Who the hell does that? I take a deep breath then stand up and make my way to the sink. I gasp when I see myself. I look like a hot mess. My long brown hair looks like I have a bird’s nest in it. My normally pale cheekbones have a bright pink tint to them. I run my fingers over my slightly swollen lips. I shiver when I remember the way his mouth felt on mine. The way he took control of my body, all I could do was feel.
For the first time in my life, I fucking felt free. For that moment, that I was with him, I felt like I could breathe, and I’d do just about anything to get that feeling back. I may not believe in love at first sight or the happily ever after kind of love, but I can’t deny the attraction I feel toward Nick or the way he knew how to play my body so well. My legs instinctively rub together as I remember the way his beard felt against my sensitive skin.
Maybe just maybe, I can take a little something for myself.
I have a few days that I will need to be here and if he is playing Santa what would be the harm in letting him take me away for just a little while. I just have to remember not to give him my heart in the process. One thing’s for sure, I refuse to seem desperate, so I am going to pull myself together and go snuggle on some babies. I splash some cold water on my heated cheeks then pull my hair into a messy bun with the rubber band I always keep on my wrist to hide the fact that there is no way of fixing the sex hair that I am sporting.
Once I deem myself as good as it’s going to get, I make my way back to the NICU. Once I am inside, I walk over to the nurse’s station. There is only one nurse there and her name tag reads Patty.
“Um, hello Patty. My name is Kristina. I was wondering if you could help me out.” She looks up at me from her crossword puzzle.
“Yes.”
“I’m here to volunteer and this is my first time. I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to do.” She gives me a warm smile. She has to be in her early fifties with some of the kindest eyes I have ever seen, and I instantly like her.
“Well, aren’t you just a sweet as can be coming to help with these sweet babies. Just follow me and we’ll go find you one of those tiny tots to snuggle with.” We make our way to a wall full of light pink robes. “You’ll need to put this on. It’s to help prevent the little ones from getting sick.” I nod and put it on. She walks up behind me and ties it in the back. We walk into a room with a few babies in incubators and others in what look like little cribs. “Why don’t you go sit over there and I’ll grab her for you?”
“Her?” She just nods. Okay then, I think to myself. She is back a minute later with the smallest little baby. I’m almost afraid to hold her. “Oh wow, she is so little!” I exclaim. Patty smiles at me.
“She is a little fighter. She has been here for a while now. No family or anything. Right now, she is the only one on the ward that doesn’t have a family to visit her, so we like to let her have some more attention with the volunteers.” I look down at the little baby and my heart breaks for her. I know what it’s like to not feel loved by your parents. I hug her a little closer and her little hand wraps around my finger my heart melts.
“She’s beautiful. What’s her name?” I ask. Patty’s eyes get a little sad.
“She doesn’t have one yet.” God, that is so sad. I’m about to burst into tears. Everyone should have a name. Patty points to the double sides window wall.
“If you need anything, I’ll be right out there.” I just nod my head all the while looking at the little girl who’s looking up at me with big blue eyes.
“Hi, little one,” I coo. She gives me a big toothless smile and I swear to God, I fall in love with her right there. I make a vow to come down here even after my community service just so I can make sure she has someone in her corner. I spend an hour just holding her and playing with her little toes. I even fed her a bottle. The longer she is with me the more of a little personality I see from her. She reminds me of a warrior, like me, not giving up even when life tries to break us. “Just between you and me, I think I am going to call you Kayleigh. It means warrior in Swedish,” I whisper to her. She coos and I can’t help but giggle.