"You okay?" Sadie asked. I wanted to hide it, wanted to pretend that my world wasn’t crashing down around me, but I couldn’t. I had to know, and since I couldn’t leave the house, she was my only chance.
“No. I don’t think so,” I whispered.
“Woah, what happened?” Sadie was suddenly in my face, but I forced a smile in case one of Matteo’s men were watching us. I didn’t doubt it in the slightest.
“I missed my period. I didn’t—I didn’t even realize.”
Sadie stilled next to me, her face breaking out in a grin. “Holy shit!” she whispered. “You’re pregnant! I’m going to be an Auntie.”
“Would you be quiet? We don’t know for sure—”
“Honey, when has your period ever so much as been late?” Her voice turned more somber when she realized I wasn’t as excited as her.
“Can you go to the pharmacy? Get me a test? I don’t want Matteo to know until I know.”
“I’ll be right back, okay?” I nodded, and she walked calmly to her car. I knew Sadie enough to know by the tensing of her shoulders she wanted to run. She wanted to fucking sprint, but she wouldn’t risk outing the secret before I was ready.
Matteo telling my mother he wanted kids soon was a very different thing than me getting pregnant before we were even married. He would kill me. I couldn't imagine there hadn't been situations in the past where women tried to trap him with a baby. Even in high school, people joked about it.
As soon as she left, I made an excuse to Matteo that she just had to run a quick errand and would be right back. I faked a smile the entire time, leaving him to his work meeting with Lino and Donatello in favor of baking my stresses away.
???
Sadie came back, disguising her purchase with a bag full of all my favorite chocolates. "I thought you might need them while we wait," she blurted, and I gave her a grin before breaking out into laughter when her eyes landed on the double chocolate chip cookies waiting on the tray to go into the oven. She brought her purse into the bathroom with her to wash her hands, conveniently slipping back into the kitchen without it.
God, I loved this girl.
"I'm just going to use the bathroom," I said after I put the cookies in the oven. "Make yourself at home."
"Always do," she grinned, catching my hand briefly as I made my way to the door. "No matter what happens, we'll figure it out, okay?" I nodded at her, tears pooling in my eyes.
I already knew what the test would say. All the symptoms, the missed period, every thing was a glaring point of evidence against me.
I couldn't believe I'd missed it.
So when I closed myself in the bathroom, I tore open the test without hesitation. I'd chugged two bottles of water in the brief fifteen minutes it had taken Sadie to run to the pharmacy.
Because I was desperate to know the truth.
Whoever decided that it was a great idea to pee on a stick was an asshole.
Sadie had even been generous enough to buy me an ergonomic one.
Because I was obviously at risk of developing carpal tunnel in the five to ten seconds I had to pee on the damn thing.
I rolled my eyes as I capped it and set it on the counter, proceeding to wash my hands too thoroughly. I counted in my head, an endless cycle of seconds that never seemed to end.
It didn't seem possible that two minutes could be so long.
It brought me back to all those speeches in high school, the torment of required time frames when all you wanted to do was race through the words as quickly as possible and get it over with.
When I finally counted to 120, I did it again. Just to be safe, I mean, who knew how fast I'd counted? Right?
With a few deep breaths, I looked in the mirror, fixating on how pale my face looked compared to the deep wood tones and amber tiles. I hated this bathroom, and if Matteo and I made it work, I decided I'd immediately change it. I spent more time in that bathroom, positioned between the kitchen and Matteo's office, throughout the day than I did in the gorgeous master bathroom upstairs.
Finally deciding I couldn't distract myself anymore, I glanced down at the test on the counter.
Digital, it left absolutely nothing up to interpretation.