“There’s one more place I wanted to take you tonight,” he says once we get in the car after the trivia game. The smile on his face when we won almost made every fight we’ve had leading up to this night worth it. But it’s also making me more anxious about when this ends.
“Okay.”
A few minutes later, we arrive in a parking lot surrounded by darkness. But then when I look out of my window, I see it. “Oh my gosh.”
“Come on.” I wait for Damien to get me from my side of the car, and then with my hand in his, he leads me over to the Griffith Park Merry-Go-Round. “It’s not as extravagant as the one back home, but this one has more history than that one does.”
My eyes travel over the ride, taking in the painted horses, intricate carving details in the top, and the bright bulb lights shining out into the darkness.
“Damien, this is…” Emotion clogs my throat as we make our way to the ticket booth to purchase tickets. Damien pays and I don’t argue otherwise, mostly because I’m still in shock. My stomach is a mess with nerves and sentiment as we get in line and wait our turn. “I can’t believe you brought me here.”
Cupping the side of my face, he stares down at me. “The last time we were at a carousel, I was certain I’d never see you again. And I thought that’s what I wanted. You made me promise that I would forget you existed and for the most part, Charlotte, I did. I moved out here, put you out of my mind, and focused on my goals, on making something of myself. But the second I saw you again, it made me face the truth.”
“Which is?”
“That I broke that promise. I did think about you. I wondered what you were doing, if you accomplished your dreams, and if you ever thought about me too. And then when I saw you again, this rush of memories mixed with feelings I couldn’t name flooded my mind and body. It’s crazy that all these years later we found each other again, but in an entirely different way. I know that this is supposed to be fake, but…”
“I get it,” I reply, cutting him off. “I feel that way too.”
Oh God, I’m falling for him. This wasn’t supposed to happen, but I think he’s falling for me too.
With a press of his lips to mine, Damien doesn’t speak another word and then removes something from the back of his jeans. “I got this for you.” He holds out a notebook to me with sunflowers all over the white surface. But before I can say anything, the employee working the ride ushers us forward so we can get on.
We find a sleigh bench to sit in and as we wait for the ride to begin, I stare at the notebook in my lap, running my fingers over the top.
“Do you like it?”
The corner of my mouth lifts up. “Yes, I do. Thank you for this.”
“It reminded me of the one you were writing in that night.”
“It is very similar.”
“I have no idea what you wrote in those damn notebooks, but I just remember you always having one.”
I huff out a laugh and then decide to bare a little of the truth. “Well, most of the entries had to do with you, actually.”
“Really?” He smiles, pleased with learning this information. I feel him wrapping his arm around my shoulders, drawing me closer. So I lean my head on his shoulder as I feel the merry-go-round jerk and then start to slowly spin.
“Don’t get all excited, Damien. They weren’t words of me professing my love for you. On the contrary, they were more like wishes that you would step on a Lego or drop your phone in the toilet, types of thoughts. You gotta remember, I wasn’t exactly your biggest fan.”
“Sounds reasonable,” he replies through a laugh. “Can I read them sometime?”
“Ha. No.”
“Why not?”
“Because those thoughts were private,” I say as the ride begins to spin a little faster and the world around us becomes one big blur. “And I don’t want to live in the past anymore.”
“So what are you going to write in this one?” He points to the notebook in my lap as the lights above us bounce off the surface.
Sliding my fingers across it again, I ponder that thought. “I don’t know. I’m still trying to process this gesture.”
He grabs my chin gently with two fingers, turning my face toward him. “I’m sorry.”
“For?”
His brow furrows and his lips purse. “For every mean thing I ever said, for every petty competition and instance where I tried to make you feel bad to make myself feel better, for not actually getting to know you back then instead of thinking I knew who you were.”
“Wow. Did I just get an apology from Damien Shaw?” I tease him as he smiles down at me, glancing at my lips and then looking back up to my eyes.
“You did. And you should know I don’t hand those out easily.”
“Well, thank you.” I lean forward and press my lips to his softly, leading to a gentle kiss appropriate in front of the small children around us.
And it’s not intense or desperate—no, it’s laced with something else, something I don’t think I want to admit just yet.
My fake boyfriend isn’t acting so fake anymore, and these feelings running through me aren’t fake either.
Suddenly, my mother’s conversation comes back to me, her suggestion that Damien and I would be engaged soon, which I know is preposterous because this arrangement we agreed to has a deadline. But now, so many lines are blurred, so many feelings are prevalent, and the idea that this could be more isn’t so far-fetched anymore.
“This ride is making me dizzy,” I say when we part, even though I don’t think it’s the ride. I think it’s just Damien and everything he’s making me feel.
But then he leans his forehead on mine and says, “Yeah, I think this ride we’re on is making me dizzy too.”
* * *