“But you did. So?”
“It wasn’t loads of talk,” Patton says. “A few of the men mentioned how strange it is, that’s all…that you never take a woman, that you haven’t got a wife.”
I stifle a groan, my jaw clenched. There’s no way I can explain to Patton – or anybody else – what I require in a woman.
I’d have to feel an all-consuming need, the sort that tells me I’m going to be with her forever, she’s going to give me children, happiness…if I’m capable of happiness after so many years of ruling.
The woman would have to grip me like nobody ever has, make it so I can’t stop thinking about her, that I need her more than I need oxygen.
The woman I want, the woman I need…
She doesn’t exist.
I accepted that a long time ago.
“How’s it going down there?” I ask.
Patton grins. “You could always come down with me and see for yourself.”
“That’s what you’re here for. Anyway, think of the optics. Conor decides not to attend, and then I start mingling like I’m one of the men. It wouldn’t be right.”
“I know. But sometimes….”
“Speak your mind,” I tell him when he trails off.
“I’d never say this to the men or even in front of them. But sometimes, cousin, I worry you might get lonely.”
I laugh savagely. “That whiskey is making you soft. And you didn’t answer my question.”
I don’t let Patton see how close his question has cut, slicing me at my most sensitive parts.
He’s right.
But I’m not sure lonely is the right word.
It’s more than that. Lately, my mind keeps returning to this mystery girl, a woman I know simply isn’t real. She doesn’t live anywhere but in my head.
Even when I try to picture her, she’s hazy, as though the details will only make sense once I’ve laid eyes on her.
“Our men have made some useful connections,” Patton says after a pause. “The mingling is going well. And, so far, there has only been one small fight. So I’d consider that a success.”
I take a long sip of my coffee, enjoying the way it scorches as it goes down my throat.
“And Conor has sent word that the shipment will be here tomorrow morning.”
“I know. I heard,” I reply.
“Yeah, well….”
I chuckle when I realize what he’s getting at. Waving a hand, I say, “Go on, don’t let me keep you. Mingle and drink and find yourself a woman.”
He nods gratefully, rising to his feet. “Sure I can’t tempt you?”
“I’m sure.”
Once Patton is gone, I return to the balcony railing, looking down at the party. Lights flash all over the dance floor, music pumping, a few men and women dancing in the middle as more mill around the edges. The tattoo studio is in the back. My fingers itch and my palm tingles as though I can feel the tattoo gun.
My mind goes to Conor and his latest wedding. It won’t be legal. He’s smarter than that, unwilling to give law enforcement a chance to trip him up. But it won’t stop him from claiming that poor Bonetti girl either.
I’ve never met her, but I heard how Conor’s men butchered her family.
It’s the same way his father butchered mine – before I took my revenge.
Conor and I have existed in an uneasy peace ever since.
Part of me finds him pathetic for not avenging his father’s death, the motherfucker who ordered my mother and father shot over one hundred times in their car.
Sometimes, in the deepest parts of the night, I still see the way his eyes widened when I pulled the trigger.
But things are going better than they ever have.
Money, security, and bloodless streets are all a man in my position can ask for.
Then the door opens, and two women walk in.
My gaze snaps to the second one, short and curvy, her wavy brown hair falling to her shoulders. She’s wearing jeans and a baggy T-shirt, her arms crossed over her middle, and she’s looking around like she doesn’t belong.
There’s something so adorably cute about the way she peers up at the tall ceiling, her smile unsure as she turns to her friend.
My heart is pounding.
My soul – if I have one – is flaring.
Everything spins faster and faster, as though I can feel the rotation of the earth.
This is it, I realize.
It’s happening right fucking now.
She’s the woman I’ve been waiting for.
I’m not sure how I know so fast, so violently, and then I laugh darkly.
I was just thinking about how I’d instantly know, and here she is.
My woman, my prize.
CHAPTER
TWO
Lena
I stand at the corner of the party, feeling completely out of place. But Izzy has been my friend since kindergarten.
Really, when you get right down to it, she’s my only true friend.
So when she told me I had to enjoy my last night of freedom and that we should head down to this exclusive party where there would be a bunch of free drinks and hot mob guys, I said yes. If only so we could spend some time together.