He would’ve wanted to know why, and it’s not like I could really have that kind of discussion with my father who was embarrassing to a fault.
I snorted. “Tide, you do realize, correct, that I raised myself? My dad, though there, wasn’t ‘there.’ I made my own dentist appointments and got myself to them when I was thirteen by walking. I had to make them after school and on our days off from school in order to get there, because there was no way in hell my dad would pull me out to take me to something like that. That’s why I never had my wisdom teeth out, or why my teeth look like they could’ve used braces.”
His eyes flashed to my teeth. “You’ve never had braces either?”
I gave him an ‘are you kidding me right now’ look.
“Tide, you called me Bucky in eleventh grade. Of course, I’ve never had braces,” I told him bluntly. “Which, by the way, I was really sensitive about. How did you always manage to find every single one of my insecurities and pick on them until they were a festering wound?”
He chuckled almost darkly. “I think what you don’t realize is that I paid a hell of a lot of attention to you. How else would one know that you had a thing about your teeth? How else would I have known that you were insecure about the old jeans you wore? How else would I know that the way I pulled your hair made you hot?”
He had a point.
In all the years that Tide had been my tormentor, I guess I hadn’t realized that he was paying just as much attention to me as I was paying to him.
I should have.
Because now that I thought about it, he did have to pay attention to pick up on certain insecurities.
“I make my entire family’s appointments now and get them there. Like next Tuesday, Alison and Toddy have an appointment to go to the dermatologist to get their moles checked out, then they have to go to the orthodontist. Alison needs her braces tightened, while Toddy has to have a consultation to get braces put on. Then they have pediatrician appointments, where Alison just told me this morning that she wants to get on birth control, and will her pediatrician do that for her.” I paused. “And yes, before you ask, Dad will pay for all of this stuff. He just won’t take them, or make the appointment, or follow up.”
He shook his head. “Your dad looks like a great dad from the outside…”
I snorted. “My dad doesn’t hit me. He doesn’t starve us. He might not take us out to eat, or take us to soccer games, or even soccer practice. But what he does do is pay for us to go to soccer. Pay for me to order groceries and have them delivered to the house once a week. Pay for Alison’s braces, which might I add are expensive AF, and there’s no way in hell I would’ve been able to ask my dad for that when we were younger, and money was tighter. But the real secret? If I’d asked, and found a way to get braces, he would’ve shelled out that money, because in his own way he does care.” I hesitated. “Kind of like buying me my own welding business, with every piece of welding equipment known to man, and giving it to me without a single word. He doesn’t expect even a thank you. He only does it because he shows love in acts of service. He’s uncomfortable with almost every kind of praise, in any way, shape, or form.”
He sighed and threw his hands up over his head in an ‘I’m fucked’ gesture. “I have an in with an OB who can help. His name is Daniel Proctor.”
I blinked. “As in your brother’s girl’s dad?”
He grinned. “He was my friend before Sabrina was my brother’s girl. He works a few shifts in the ER when I’m there occasionally, too. And he’s a really good doctor. I like him a lot. He’ll treat you well, and he’s not a fuckin’ weirdo.”
I burst out laughing. “I know that sometimes I think the worst of you, Tide. And sometimes you deserve to have the worst thought of you with how you treated me when we were younger, and even when we were older. But I know you would never do anything to me like that.”
‘That’ being allowing some man to touch me in a way that you needed to be trusted most to do.
His eyes darkened for a short moment, and a scowl came over his face that was almost as ferocious now as it’d been when he’d first used it a few years ago.
One night, after a night on the town with new college roommates, we’d been walking home when we’d all been attacked in the street. I’d had some man shove his hand up my skirt and press me into a dark alley, only to have the hand disappear so abruptly it was as if it’d never been.