“What’s the worst that could happen? He comes after us?” Damien asked. “It’ll give us a chance to kill him.”
“He’ll have the element of surprise, so he’ll have the upper hand.”
“Then we’ll always be prepared.”
I shook my head. “That wasn’t what we agreed to, Damien.”
“Well, we’re in the drug game. This isn’t the same as operating a bank on good faith, on strong handshakes. This is about survival. When people find out you rolled over for Maddox, they won’t take us seriously. We need to be the monsters men want in their corners. Just giving up isn’t the solution. And frankly, I don’t think Maddox wants that anyway. He wants us to take it a step further, to make the fire an inferno. He wants blood, guts, and war.”
I couldn’t refute that last part. “Seems shady.”
“We are shady, Hades.”
I stared at the painting on the wall, a piece of artwork a designer picked out for me a long time ago. I had no participation in the decoration of this house. Everything was foreign to me…but it still felt like home. “I’ll think about it.”
“Think about it all you want, but it doesn’t change anything. Our entire network relies on our organization. All our allies, all our business relationships, everything. Men on our payroll will have to be let go, and firing someone is the best way to make an enemy.”
Damien was talking sense, but I still didn’t want to be dishonest. People trusted me because I always spoke the truth. The second I stopped, no one would be able to believe a word I said. But in this situation, I may not have another choice. “I said I’ll think about it.”
Damien faced forward again, turning quiet as he dropped the conversation.
“You’ve improved.”
“Thanks to your wife,” he whispered.
“I thought Helena was taking care of you.”
“Yeah, but Sofia keeps me company during the day. We play games, have lunch, stuff like that…gets my mind off it. And she’s nicer to me than Helena is.”
“Because Helena knows you’re a piece of shit.”
“Well, Sofia knows that too, and she’s still nice to me.” He turned back to me.
I knew exactly why Sofia was that way. “She has a big heart.”
“I don’t know about that, but she is kind.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He avoided my gaze for a long time. “Nothing.”
“Doesn’t seem like nothing.”
He still wouldn’t look at me.
“Damien.”
“Just drop it, Hades.”
“Then why did you make that backhanded compliment in the first place?”
He shrugged. “I guess I’m just angry about the whole thing.”
They’d been spending a lot of time together, so they probably had a lot of heart-to-heart conversations while I was out of the house. “Tell me.”
“You don’t want to know. Leave it alone.”
The more he tried to hide it from me, the more it bothered me. “Damien, I’m not gonna stop thinking about it until you tell me. So you may as well just man up.”
He turned back to me, sympathy in his gaze. “You said things had been different recently.”
Until I pissed her off. “Yeah.”
“So I asked her a couple of questions…she answered.”
“What kinds of questions?”
He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. But basically…she said she’d never love you.” He turned his gaze away like he couldn’t stand the sight of my pain. His words were fists that blacked out both of my eyes.
I absorbed his words with my usual calm exterior. My poker face was the best in the game, my thoughts impossible to read. The only person who could gauge my feelings was my wife…because I allowed her to really see me. My insides turned to lava and burned my guts, making my intestines black. The heat wasn’t a byproduct of rage. It was just an intense wave of disappointment; of a truth I already knew but refused to believe. Our relationship had deepened and everything seemed perfect…but that opinion was one-sided. No matter what I did, she would never feel differently toward me. That was the devastating truth.
“Told you you didn’t want to know…” He had the respect not to look at me, to give me some privacy while I digested the painful words. “Sofia is beautiful, smart, and kind. She balances out your asshole-ness. But you deserve better. Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“What do you expect me to do?”
“Divorce her.”
So someone else could have her? Never. “I knew what I was getting into when I married her. I’m committed.”
He turned back to me. “You’re just going to get hurt.”
“It’ll hurt more to live without her.”
“Geez…that’s intense. Fuck, I hope I never love a woman. Not worth it.”
It was the most pain I’d ever endured, but it was also the most passion I’d ever experienced. I’d never been so alive. “I saw Vivian tonight. The guys loaned her out to me as a thank you.”
Damien’s eyes widened. “Did you…?”
“No.”
“That’s restraint.”