Daisy's Decision (Icehome)
It’s something I’ve considered and dismissed. “I don’t think that will happen. If you or I were going to resonate to someone else, don’t you think it would have already happened? It feels like most khuis seem to be waiting for some sort of event. Most people resonate when they see each other again after a long time. Look at Sam and Sessah. He came back and they immediately resonated. And most of the other resonances happened when the other humans first arrived to this world, or when your people first arrived. It’s like if the khui doesn’t have that immediate attraction, it takes something else to kick it into gear. I don’t think we’re in danger of costing other people their mate.” I pause. “Unless you’re worried that Tia is meant for you.”
He snorts. “Tia will not be mine. I think she will be I’rec’s mate if she will be anyone’s.” O’jek studies me closely. “What about R’jaal?”
I shake my head again. “Like I said before, R’jaal is nice, but he is brotherly-nice. I don’t feel anything for him. We’re not meant to be mates. I would have to be attracted to him on some level, right? But I’m not.”
“You do not know that,” O’jek counters. “Resonance changes everything.”
“But you’re considering this, aren’t you?” I move a little closer to him, so eager I can hardly stand it. “Tell me what I need to say to get you to do this with me, O’jek. Please.”
O’jek tilts his head, studying me in the shadows. “You truly wish to do this…with me.”
I nod.
“I have conditions.”
I’m a little surprised at his response, but I give him a flirty smile. “I have conditions too, maybe. Let’s hear yours.”
“I want you to become a full member of the tribe.”
That…is not what I expected to hear. Puzzled, I keep smiling. “I’m not sure what you mean. I am a full member of the tribe.”
“No,” O’jek says slowly. “You live here, but you do not participate fully. You will be part of the tribe, and you will be Shadow Cat clan. I wish for you to be able to take care of yourself, D’see. A kit is a good deal of work.”
My mouth opens and then snaps shut again. I bite my lip. “You make me sound lazy.”
“You are not lazy,” he says, that intensity in his voice. “I know you. You do not avoid hard things, but you make strange choices. You do not take care of the fire that I make for you.” He gestures at the fire pit. “Why not?”
“Because it’ll get ash all over my hands and clothing.”
“So?”
“So I’m supposed to stay clean,” I tell him, panicked. “A lady always keeps herself presentable.”
“Is this why you do not help with the skins? Or the sewing?” O’jek eyes me.
“It’s rough on my hands,” I murmur. “A lady’s hands—”
He cuts me off with a shake of his head. “No, D’see. You are still speaking as if you are living amongst the stars. No one here cares about your hands.”
Swallowing hard, I run my fingers over the edge of my tunic. “I…it’s just hard for me. I had so many rules drilled into my head about what was expected of me from Johani that it’s easy to fall into those patterns.”
“I understand this,” O’jek says in a patient voice. He reaches over and takes my hand in his. “But do you wish to be J’hani’s plaything or do you wish to be D’see of Shadow Cat?”
Oh. “Johani would not want me anymore,” I admit in a small voice. “My face—”
“Your face is perfect,” O’jek retorts, his words fervent. His warm fingers squeeze mine, and I can feel the rough calluses on them. For some reason, I find it comforting instead of appalling. “You are beautiful, D’see, but beauty is not everything.”
Doesn’t he think I know that? Me, who had a perfect face and lost it because I fell into the fire? But I get what he’s trying to hammer into my head. I can’t be a pretty plaything fit to be a consort and be a proper mate to him. “What do you want me to do? As your mate?”
His thumb brushes over my knuckles, and I’m oddly entranced by that small, shivery caress. “I want D’see the huntress. I want D’see who can cook for herself and skins her own kills. I want D’see who can fish and who knows how to follow a trail.”
I blanch at the thought. “You want me to do all that stuff every day?”
“I want you to know how to do it. I want you to know how to survive on this world so I do not worry that you will get lost and perish because you do not know how to make fire.”
Oh. It seems reasonable enough. I mean, I’ll probably hate all of it, but I can’t hate him for requesting it. “Well, if we’re declaring how we want our relationship to go, maybe I want to have sex every night.” I lift my chin. “I’m a virgin, and I suspect you are, too. We need to practice so when the healer comes in to help us we’re not fumbling all over the place.”