He shakes his head, still not looking at me, and my stomach sinks.
“I cannot do this,” O’jek says.
“Can’t do what?”
He gestures at me.
My heart feels like ice. I bite back a sob, because no. Surely fate wouldn’t be this cruel. “What do you mean, you can’t do this? I thought we had an agreement, O’jek.”
My Shadow Cat mate still won’t look at me. He stares at the fire, his expression bleak. “I thought I could do this. I told myself if I taught you well enough, it would solve all problems. That once you are self-sufficient, I will worry less. But when you fell in the cave and I wandered the snows hunting for you, it made me realize that…” He shakes his head, swallowing. “I cannot. I will be terrified every time you leave camp, and it will distract me. I cannot spend my days hovering over you, protecting you from the world. Nor can I hover over a kit when we have one.” He shakes his head. “So it is best that I end this now.”
“I-I don’t understand,” I blurt. “I said I would learn. You haven’t given me a chance.”
O’jek shakes his head. “My heart is already yours, D’see. But a hunter needs his head, and I cannot think straight when I am near you. I cannot concentrate on anything but your safety.” He gets to his feet. “I have decided. You will go back to your life here in camp, and we will forget our bargain.”
My mouth opens in wordless protest.
He gets to his feet. “This will destroy both of us. I will leave you now, before we are both too deeply tangled.”
“Please,” I whisper, beyond hurt. “Please don’t do this.”
O’jek shakes his head and steps out of the hut, abandoning me.
I don’t understand it. After everything we’ve been through together, he’s giving up on me because he worries too much? After all that we’ve shared? After he’s held me close and made me realize that I’m falling for him, even without resonance? Because now that we’ve touched, now that he’s comforted my tears and held me close, I realize just how much I’ve depended on him since I came here. O’jek’s smile has kept me going. His steadfast friendship has always been there. I’ve always counted on him.
I knew the moment I got the idea to have the healer help force resonance that I’d do it with no one but him. There was no one else I ever considered. Even now, the thought is slightly revolting. I don’t want anyone to touch me but O’jek. I don’t want to take anyone else as a mate but him.
And he doesn’t want me enough.
Hot tears spill down my cheeks and I bury myself in my blankets, crying.
Why is it that every man I care for finds me wanting?
CHAPTER 20
DAISY
I can’t sleep that night. The hut is silent and empty, but it’s more than the fact that I don’t like to be alone.
I feel…defeated.
I thought everything was going to be wonderful. I’d have O’jek’s love and a baby, and a shining future where my scarred face wouldn’t matter, where resonance wouldn’t hold me back. I’d have everything. Most of all, I’d have the loving touch of the man I didn’t realize I’d needed until we came together that first time.
And now I have nothing again. There’s no point in getting out of bed, so I curl up in the furs and stare at the coals of my fire. What happens now? What if O’jek resonates to someone else? How can I stay here and watch as he makes another woman happy? Another woman pregnant?
Then I remember that the only one still here on the beach is Flor, and I cry harder, because she’s my friend and I know she wants resonance as much as I do.
There’s a scratch at the entrance to my hut. “Can I come in?”
It’s Flor. It’s like my thoughts have summoned her. I burst into noisy, miserable tears the moment I hear her voice. Has it happened already? Is that why O’jek rejected me?
She peeks inside, her eyes wide. “That…that’s not a yes. Are you okay, dude?” At the sight of me sobbing, she steps inside and moves next to me, clucking her tongue. “Oh no, mare. You don’t cry. That’s my job.”
“Your j-job?” I sniff, looking up hopefully. “What do you mean?”
Flor sits in the furs at my side and crosses her legs. “I came here to yell at you for leaving me out in the cold on this little plan of yours, but it sounds like there’s trouble in paradise, hmm?”
My lip quivers and I start crying again. “I’m sorry. I was just so excited at the thought of having a baby that I didn’t think about anything else.” Now I feel worse than ever, because Flor has been a good friend to me. She’s been a good friend to everyone here, always trying to cheer people up or make them laugh. “If it makes you feel any better, this has all blown up in my face.”