“That’s not why I asked you here,” I tell her, my hand taking hers on my chest. “Come on. Let me order something so you don’t starve and get grouchy, and then we can talk.”
“Talk?” she questions nervously as I lead her into the oversized den that Jax spent most of his day scrubbing clean after deciding we were all getting wasted last night. “I don’t think our version of talking has ever ended well.”
I drop onto the couch as she sits across the room as if needing that space between us. She crosses her legs and scans the big room, and after quickly ordering something to eat, I sit patiently, waiting for her gaze to make its way back to mine.
I sit forward, leaning my elbows against my knees as my chest tightens, unsure how to do this whole apologizing thing, and as if seeing the hesitation in my eyes, she gets up and walks across the room, gently pushing me back against the couch and climbing onto my lap.
She straddles me while also leaving enough distance between us to talk. “You don’t need to do this, Tanner,” she tells me, reading me better than I read myself. “Last night was … complicated. We were having a great time, and don’t for one second think that I regret what happened between us. It was … well, you know exactly how it was,” she murmurs, a slight flush spreading over her cheeks. “The race, and you and me … I’ve never felt so exhilarated in my life. Being with you was like an adrenaline rush I never wanted to come down from. It wasn’t until Colby showed up that everything went to shit. I don’t blame you for what you did, but more importantly, I’m not scared of you.”
“Killer,” I warn, hating how accepting she is of this. “Don’t excuse what I did. I almost fucking killed him. He was out cold and I couldn’t stop, and a part of me can’t even tell if it was for what he did to Addie or for the way he was grabbing you. I saw fucking red, and while I don’t regret what I did, it’s not something I’m proud of.”
“I’m not scared of you,” she repeats as if knowing just how much I fear she is.
I let out a sigh and prepare for this to crash and burn. “He’s not the first asshole I’ve almost killed in a blind rage, Bri,” I tell her. “It’s a fucking pattern, and if you were smart, you’d get out now before you get too attached. I’m not a good guy.”
Her face falls as her brows furrow, watching me with caution. “What are you talking about?”
Lead sinks into my gut as I glance away, unable to handle the intensity in her eyes. Shame fills my veins, spreading through my body like wildfire. “Last year when Chanel and I were hooking up, we were messing around at her place when I heard her brother—”
“Brother?” she asks. “Chanel doesn’t have a brother.”
“She does,” I confirm. “But I don’t blame her for not mentioning him. The fucker has issues.”
“Okay,” she says slowly. “What happened?”
Anger drums at the memory of that night, and I have to focus on the feel of her skin beneath my palm to keep myself centered. “I could hear him down the hall in his bedroom, he was trying to kick some girl out because she wasn’t ready to fuck him. He was calling her all this nasty shit and she was sobbing. Something about her tone made me get up and check it out. She was thirteen. Thirteen. She was barely even in high school, a fucking child. I can’t even remember what happened next. I know there was yelling and Chanel was trying to drag me back to her room. One thing led to another, and I was holding him down, beating the fucking shit out of him. He was hospitalized for two weeks and needed reconstructive surgery to his face. I was arrested for assault, but after Chanel and the girl made their statements, I was free, and the asshole got nothing but a slap on the wrist. I’m pretty sure their family disowned him and sent him away, but I honestly haven’t spared a thought for him or bothered to look into where he is now.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
She presses her lips into a hard line, her eyes lingering on mine. “I think you’re a good guy, Tanner. I think you try really hard not to let that show, but deep down, you care about what’s right, and you advocate for those who can’t do it for themselves. That’s nothing to be ashamed of and certainly not something I should fear. Should you take some anger management classes? Probably, but you and I both know that you’ll never hurt me. You were completely justified in lashing out at both Colby and Chanel’s brother.”