“Well, alright then…I guess we could really use some help chopping some firewood for the hearth in the lounge. It’ll be winter soon, and your father is getting too old to do it himself. You can start on the renovation work tomorrow, perhaps.”

I nod. Monotonous work is probably what I need to keep me occupied.

“Do you still keep the wood in the shed?”

“Yes…Elijah. Are you sure you don’t want to sit for a while?” she asks hesitantly.

“Later, Mom. I promise,” I sigh.

She nods with uncertainty in her eyes. I realize returning home with little notice was a bit of a shock to her. It’s like she doesn’t know how to be around me. I guess a lot of people close to me feel that way right now. I honestly hadn’t changed much, I just didn’t care to share my problems with the world at the moment.

But I ignore her pitying looks and head out to the back of the Inn to find some wood to chop. I take my ax to the front yard and begin to chop the wood.

It’s hard work. Before long, the autumn sun is beating down hard on me, and I feel myself sweating. I take off my shirt, revealing my toned torso. Working in Hollywood requires me to keep my body looking good, and as a few young women walk by the Inn, they giggle to one another, checking me out. But right now, I don’t feel like the object of desire. All I can think of is how hard things have been lately.

Life in Hollywood takes its toll after a while, especially when you’ve just lost someone close to you. Last year, my brother, my best friend, died of cancer. He was only a few years older than me, and he should have had his entire life ahead of him. Losing him was like a punch to the gut, and I guess life just spiraled downward from there.

I started drinking more, partying more, and spending my time on things I shouldn’t. I was too miserable to even think about having a life, even though I knew my brother would have wanted that for me. If he were here with me, I know he would give me hell for being so down in the dumps, especially with the career and success I’ve had.

But I guess the one thing that has stuck in my mind is how I still haven’t found love. My brother never settled down either, and I know that was his biggest regret. But he and I were different. He fooled around with hundreds of women, sampling each one that came his way, dipping his toes into unchartered waters.

But not me. I’ve never been with a woman. I always told myself that once I found a woman that I wanted, I’d know right away. But so far, that hasn’t happened. Maybe I’m fussy. Maybe I’m incapable of love. Whatever is wrong with me, love just hasn’t come my way.

And I’ve had plenty of opportunities to be with women. Being a handsome actor has its benefits, or at least it does for most men. I could have the pick of anyone I want, but the problem is I haven’t found a single woman that I want to spend my time with.

I sigh. I guess since my brother’s death. It’s made me feel even more alone. At least when he was alive, I had my brother at my side. I know that some siblings aren’t close, but he and I always were. We had the same passions, friends, and ideals. We were there for one another through thick and thin. The way family should be. And now that I don’t have him, I don’t have anyone.

I always thought I would have found love by now. That I would settle down with a woman, quit acting, and raise a family with her. She would be the center of my universe, and nothing else would matter. But as hard as I have looked for love, no woman has ever fit the bill. There are beautiful women, intelligent women, funny women…but none of them are what I want. I know that if I ever meet the one, it’ll hit me like a ton of bricks. She’ll be perfect, and I’ll know instantly.

But that time hasn’t come yet.

I continue chopping wood, taking out my anger at the world as I swing the ax. How did my life come to this? Back home at the age of forty, my brother was gone, and there was no wife by my side.

Sure, I’ve had success in my life. Sure, my career is one that plenty envy. But now, it feels like I’ve lost so much. I drink almost every day just to numb the pain. I wake up alone, and I go to sleep alone.

Tags: Flora Ferrari Romance
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