I’ll sit, smoke, and drink. Maybe I can get so smashed I pass out. I light up my cigarette and pull my knees under me as I smoke.
“He’s bruised, but not broken,” I whisper, sniffing and wiping my nose with the back of my hand. Jesus, if my family could see me now… The thing is, the person sitting naked in this chair feels way more alive than the Julianna who wore expensive, conservative dresses and suits and let the world walk by her.
I unscrew the bottle. It’s some brand I’ve never heard of, and I take a swig straight from the bottle. It’s like fire and agave and hard to swallow.
“Oh my God, what the hell is this?” Exhaling fumes, I stare at the bottle. My phone rings, and I jump unsteadily to get it from the bed. I’m already off balance from one swig.
When I grab my phone, I almost want to cry. It’s not Ryder; it’s Gia. If I answer this, I’ll probably lose it, so I decline the call.
I barely get back to the chair when it starts ringing again. I close my eyes. She’s gonna keep calling, so I answer.
“Hey.” My voice cracks as I reach for the horrendous tequila.
“Hey.” Gia’s voice sounds cautious, which means she already knows I’m here.
“I can’t really talk right now.” I bite my bottom lip and look up at the ceiling, refusing to cry. I’ve done enough of that already.
“I got off the phone with Eve a few seconds ago,” she says.
Nodding as if she can see me, I drink from the bottle again, then clear my throat, trying not to cough in her ear. This has to be gasoline marinated in a smoke pit.
“Julianna? I need you to talk to me.” Her voice is calm and very un-Gia.
“How’s Eve?” I snip, wiping under my eyes, which are still watering.
“Stop.” She sighs dramatically. “What the fuck are you doing? Do I need to come home? I’m in Amsterdam, but clearly you need me.”
I snort. “I’m fine.” I relight the cigarette that’s burned out since I never smoked it.
“What has happened?”
“Um… I’m in love with a man who thinks he’s a monster.” I nod to myself. I can’t possibly tell her everything he said.
“Oh-kay. Are you sure you don’t want to go stay at my place?”
“Wait, what?” Because if this has anything to do with Cindy…
“Eve wanted me to talk to you about tomorrow, some party, and that you might—”
“Are you freakin’ kidding me?” I yell. “You’re my best friend. I hope you told her to back off. You know what?” I stand up and start to pace. “Those bitches can fuck off, all of them. I’m not leaving, understand?”
The phone is silent, as in Gia is quiet, but I know she’s still on the phone because I can hear music in the background.
“Are you drinking or doing drugs?” Her voice sounds calm. “Not that I’m judging, but you don’t have that gun you always carry with you, do you?”
I stop pacing and burst out laughing, which quickly morphs into crying, and then tell her everything I can get out without betraying his trust.
“Jesus, Jule, why haven’t you called me? You’ve been there days, and I had to find out through Eve?”
“I didn’t want you to tell me to leave.” I shake my head, rather exhausted now that I’ve finally come clean about Ryder and me.
“Why would I do that? You’ve finally done something for you. I’m proud. Besides the drunken rambling about taking on the old ladies, you’re doing great. By the way, don’t mess with them.”
“I’m not drunk,” I say dryly, taking another sip. This time, I barely feel the sting.
“So I’m a little confused. Are you just going to stay there? And please tell me you still have your IUD, right?”
“Stop it.” I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. “It’s old as shit, but yes.”
“Fantastic. Only making sure we don’t have any more surprises.” She sounds relieved, and I almost snap that I’m not an idiot, but whatever.
“Go get some sleep and call me tomorrow. Also…” She hesitates. I hate when she does that.
“What?”
“Eve said stuff is going on with the club, so be careful, okay?” Suddenly I’m nauseous with dread, worry. Her words sent everything diving to the pit of my stomach.
“Did she say what’s happening?”
“No, I don’t think she knows. Look, call me tomorrow so I know all is well.”
“Great, now I’m freakin’ out, thank you,” I say dryly.
“Stop it. Get some sleep. Everything will be fine. Love you.” And the line goes dead. I toss the phone on the nightstand.
I’m freezing and probably drunk. As I drop into the inviting bed, slipping under the covers to lay my head on his pillow, I ignore my head, which is swimming with Gia’s words. Instead, I close my eyes to rest them.