I am.
And my devil guardian won’t stop me.
Not again.
A few weeks before my finals, when Mo told me that he was coming back, I didn’t know how to feel.
First, it’s not as if he hadn’t come back from Italy ever since he went away three years ago.
He had. Multiple times.
Well, three to be exact.
And all of those times, I was at St. Mary’s.
Which means, by the point Mo told me that he was coming back for good, I hadn’t seen him for three years. I hadn’t seen him ever since he decided to tear me apart from the love of my life, and hadn’t cared enough to actually be there to tell me that he had done that.
Suffice it to say, I wasn’t happy about the news.
But strangely, I wasn’t angry either.
I can’t say why.
Especially because I’d spent the last three years cursing him out. And hating him and telling anyone and everyone who would listen that he’d ruined my life.
What I was, however, was curious.
To see him again. After such a long time.
I was curious whether he was curious or not. About me.
And as much as I want to deny it, I crazily wanted to know if anything had changed.
Not just looks-wise. I mean, I was definitely curious about that. About how he looked. If he had aged and how he had, if so. If he was still as masculine and commanding and beautiful as he had been before.
But mostly I was curious to know if something had changed between us.
I was curious to know if he still felt the same way about me. If he still saw me as an unruly, troublemaking fourteen-year-old who made his life difficult that one year we lived under the same roof.
I wanted to know if he still saw me as an extension of Charlie.
If he still hated me for it.
I mean, I did — I had reasons to hate him — but I wanted to know if his reasons were gone or not.
But then I got this second piece of news: that I wasn’t graduating on time and that the new principal was responsible for making that decision, him, and I got my answer.
Nothing has changed.
Not between us.
We’re still enemies, him and me.
He’s still my devil and I’m still his harpy.
And if there was any other way to do what I want to do, I would do it. I would steer clear of him. Like I have for the past week, ever since summer school started.
I can’t though.
Because I have a goal. An urgent goal, and I’m going to have to face him in order to make it happen.
That’s why this morning, I’m sitting on the concrete steps that lead up to the entrance of hell or, you know, our school. The girls are in their usual places, the ones who watch him stride across the field. Jupiter and Echo are in their places as well. Although they’re watching me rather than the row of cottages he’s going to emerge from any second now.
I also have a book in my lap.
I’m not sure why. It’s not as if I’m reading it. It’s simply open to a random page and I’m worrying the corner of it, my eyes unfocused.
I’m nervous.
It’s strange because I’m very rarely nervous. I make other people nervous actually.
But the thing is that a lot is at stake here.
A lot.
If my plan — yes, I have a plan; finally after days, I do have a plan and it feels amazing — doesn’t work, I could lose everything.
I could lose my one chance at love.
I could lose Jimmy.
There’s something here. We could be something…
God.
God.
I can’t believe he feels the same way. That he waited. God, he fucking waited for me.
And so I have to.
I have to go on that tour. I have to go on the road with him.
There’s no other choice.
Especially when I know Erica is going to be there.
I’m not losing Jimmy to Erica.
Because this is it. This is my dream. I could have it, you know.
I could have someone to love me. Finally.
After eighteen years of my life, I could finally be loved.
I could finally break the curse.
The curse of a troublemaker.
We’re unloved, see. Troublemakers like me.
Girls like me are chaotic and complex and difficult. Girls like me are restless. Our souls are filled with fire and volcanoes. No one wants to love us. No one wants to care for us. No one wants to burn with us.
Which means it’s important that today goes well. It’s even more important that he not only agrees to my plan but also that he doesn’t find out, under any circumstances, that my plan has anything to do with Jimmy.
No way.
Because if he does, I’m sure he’ll try everything to keep me apart from the love of my life, and for good this time.