‘We weren’t having it then. But I admit there may have been an element of that too. It had been a while.’
‘Why didn’t you call me?’
‘When?’
‘At any point over the last forty-eight hours. It occurred to me that you might be busy thinking about your other family.’
‘I wasn’t. I spent the hours I wasn’t in meetings processing the grief for my father that was interrupted when I found that certificate. And then thinking about what you said, how right you were and trying to figure it all out in my head. Would you have answered if I had called?’
‘Possibly not,’ she had to admit.
He leaned forwards and peered at her closely, confusion swirling in the depths of his eyes, a deep frown creasing his forehead. ‘What’s going on, Georgie? Where is all this coming from?’
Wasn’t it obvious? It was all coming from him. From their situation. From his lack of trust and her crushing disappointment that he wasn’t the man she’d desperately wanted him to be. From the realisation that they had no relationship outside parenting Josh and never would. From his shattering of her heart and the subsequent fracturing of her dreams.
Or was it?
Finn was still staring at her, his gaze clear and unwavering, as if he was trying to see into her soul, his presence about the only solid thing she could fix on. And through the fog of nothingness in her head, there was a spark of...something.
Light.
Clarity.
A seed of doubt planted itself in her head, its roots spreading fast and wide. That tiny voice of concern grew louder. And as fragments of what Finn had been saying spun through her thoughts, solidifying, gaining credence, gaining volume, those doubts exploded and she went icy cold.
Oh, God.
What if all this had come not from him but from her? From her insecurities, from her illness? What if this was the setback, possibly even the depression, she’d been fearing?
As she frantically analysed everything that had happened over the last couple of days, the way she’d been feeling, the suspiciousness, the hopelessness and the sadness, her heart began to race and a cold sweat broke out all over her skin.
She was right in the middle of it, she realised with a sickening jolt. One tug of the rug from beneath her feet, one toss of the sea and she’d tumbled into a return of the paranoia, a deadening lack of energy, of libido, and icy numbness.
That was all it had taken.
She wasn’t better, she thought as a shaft of agony and despair cut through her and she began to tremble all over. She wasn’t anywhere near better. She may never be. And it was crucifying.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t do this,’ she said, her throat tight and her eyes stinging.
‘Can’t do what?’
‘Whatever it is you think we’re doing.’
His dark gaze didn’t leave hers, but it did nothing to calm the distress suddenly whirling around inside her. ‘I think we’re building a relationship,’ he said. ‘A real relationship.’
‘We aren’t,’ she said hoarsely. Even if he was the man she’d thought he was—and God, she didn’t know which versio
n to believe any more—they couldn’t be. She wasn’t capable of it. She wasn’t strong enough. She didn’t know if she ever would be. ‘We never have been.’
‘I disagree. Our civil partnership stopped being a pragmatic arrangement weeks ago. If it ever was in the first place.’ He stopped and took a deep breath. ‘I love you, Georgie.’
As the words hit her brain a bolt of panic shot through her, denial screaming at her. ‘No.’
‘Yes,’ he said, his eyes suddenly blazing with a heat that only emphasised how cold and confused she felt. ‘I am head over heels in love with you.’
How could he be when even she didn’t know who she was anymore? ‘You don’t know me.’
‘I do. I know exactly who you are. And I think you love me too.’