I nod, not quite meeting his eyes, heat spreading through my veins like molten lava.
‘It’s Greek.’
‘I gathered.’
‘Theo’s half-Greek. He dared us to get the tattoos. We were drunk.’ His smile is nostalgic. ‘We each got one.’
‘Matching ones?’
His eyes trap mine. ‘No.’
‘So what did they get?’
‘Jagger got Zeus because he runs the construction arm of the business. Theo got Poseidon because he deals with our maritime operations.’
‘And you?’
There’s a haunted quality in his eyes, a pain that’s familiar to me because I’ve seen it on his face before. And then he exhales and relaxes, offers me a small smile. ‘It’s Hades. The devil.’
My intake of breath is involuntary. Perhaps he mistakes it for a shiver because he makes a gruff noise of frustration then moves, putting a hand lightly on my elbow, guiding me up the stairs to the small portico that offers some protection from the weather.
‘I run the casinos,’ he explains once I’m out of the rain. ‘The dark side of our empire.’ He lifts a hand and draws it across the back of his neck. ‘But it’s more than that. All my life I’ve felt like an outsider. I’ve been angry and lonely, someone who doesn’t trust easily. I never fit in with the Harts.’
I consider this. ‘You had a far from normal upbringing.’
‘True.’
‘That leaves marks.’
‘Yes, it does.’ His nod is slow. ‘I’ve grappled with this darkness inside of me and never wanted to deal with it. Until I met you, Cora, and I realised that the thing I wanted most on earth—you—was so far out of my league it’s not funny.’
I press my back hard to the wall, the pressure there necessary to hold me upright.
‘God, Cora, I don’t know if I have any right to tell you this, but all I could think about, all I’ve thought about every day since I left Australia, was coming back here when I was like this—sober and facing up to everything I’ve been dealing with, really facing up to it—and telling you how I feel.’
I brace for this, I brace as though I’m in an aeroplane being dragged towards earth, as though oxygen masks are falling from the ceiling.
But he’s quiet, like he’s waiting for me to say something again.
‘Go on.’ The words are raspy, throaty, strangled inside of me.
‘My dad—Ryan—was pretty fucked up.’
I want to scream. The disappointment is unending. What the hell does his father have to do with this?
‘He married a lot of women. Destroyed even more. He was a bastard. A selfish, arrogant bastard. Which makes his decision to raise me even stranger. But that’s not my point.’
‘No?’
‘No.’ He runs his hand over the back of his neck again. Is he nervous? That’s ridiculous to contemplate because he’s Holden bloody Hart but he seems to be having trouble getting this out.
I wait, breath held.
‘I never expected the whole “happily ever after” thing for myself. Hell, I never wanted that. I’m not that kind of guy, right? I’m just like him. It wasn’t until I met you that I realised everything I thought I knew—about myself, life, love, everything—was wrong. Everything was wrong, Cora, and you were so right. I fell in love with you and that was the catalyst for every change I made.’ He stops talking, stares at me then seems to gather himself, visibly calming. ‘And I don’t want you to think that I only changed for you. This is about me, and the kind of man I want to be. But you woke me up to that. You made me see I could be different, that I could be more. You gave me a reason to want to be more.’
Tears are thick in my throat. Love floods my veins.
‘I told myself three months was long enough—to convince myself that the changes were lasting, and to show you I meant this. I couldn’t come back after one month even though, believe me, Cora, I wanted to. I have ached to see you, to talk to you, every day since I left.’