My muscles stiffen, knowing he’s referring to Kam’s threats to destroy The Firm’s reputation … because of me.
“No. He won’t.”
“What changed?” Cade looks me in the eye. “You had some doubts the last time we dealt with a situation involving Ella and Kam.”
“I was unsure of where we stood as a couple last time. Now I know. And Kam is aware of that too.”
The other guys shuffle in their seats. It’s like they can sense my confidence about this. I’m not sure whether they’re having doubts now or if it’s something else.
“And where is that?” Cade asks, voice calm.
“She’s still figuring a lot of things out, like Damon said.” He was truthful in his assessment. And I trust his opinion on Ella’s status too. There’s a reason we’re close friends. We wouldn’t be if I didn’t trust him. “As long as she’ll have me, I want her. In all ways.”
Cade glances at Damon, who gives him a subtle nod.
“You think it’s going to last?” my brother questions.
“I know it is. She needs me, and I need her.”
A frown briefly crosses his face. “Zander, she might not always need—”
I put my hand on the desk, cutting off his words. “Yes, she will. She needs someone like me and wants someone like me. Even if I wasn’t brought up in the same circles as she was. I’ll manage, and I’ll fit in. Enough to get the job done. Enough to be … enough for her.”
Damon gives me an asymmetric smile from his side of the table.
Cade leans back in his seat, putting both hands ahead of him. “All right, all right. You can get off your soapbox. I hear you.”
“We hear you,” Damon says, leaning forward and glancing around at all the other guys. “And it’s about damn time. Next question. Should we tell Ella what’s going on?”
“She doesn’t need the stress.” Nobody should have that kind of pressure hanging over their head from some sick prick, but especially not Ella. It’s not her responsibility to protect herself from the guy, anyway. It’s ours. It’s mine. And that includes the planning.
“Are you sure?” Cade looks skeptical. “It might be triggering for her. But isn’t it better to prepare her in case something happens? Damon, what do you think?”
My best friend looks at me, as if he’s weighing what I’ll think as well. He might take me into consideration, but I know he won’t change his opinion to placate me. He’ll say what he thinks, even if I disagree.
“I think transparency is always best.”
Cade drums his fingers on the tabletop. “Kam said to let him handle it. Maybe we should listen to him.”
It’s a struggle. I want to have control over everything I can when it comes to the event. Yet I also understand that some things will be out of control no matter what I do.
“What are you thinking, Zander?” Cade asks.
“Yeah. You’ve clearly got some issues. Tell us what it is,” Silas says.
The problem, I realize, is that I started hiding things when I got involved with Ella. I felt secretive about it, and that extended to my own feelings about things with The Firm.
I can’t operate like that anymore. Part of being back on staff is being open with them. We can’t protect Ella effectively unless we’re honest with each other. We can’t protect any client effectively unless we’re truthful.
“I’m frustrated,” I admit. “My emotions shouldn’t control how we proceed with the next steps, but if this guy was dead …” My fists clench on the table. “If he was dead, there wouldn’t be an issue.”
“I agree with that,” Damon says. “It’s the son of one of the men in the video. Everything would be a lot less complicated if none of those guys had ever existed.”
Cade muses out loud, “Are we certain she should attend? I understand it’s best for the alibi and a public confrontation. But she doesn’t have to be there.”
All eyes are on me.
I sit in silence for a few more beats, thinking. “She’s going and I’ll tell her about the party. That will make her happy,” I tell the guys. “It will add more substance to our report for the judge and I’m sure Damon would feel more confident in his assessment if she does as well as he thinks she will in a public setting with press and social pressure.”
“It’s not about making her happy,” Cade says. “But—”
I cut him off. “It’s about protecting her. I’m very fucking aware of that.”
What Cade might not be able to understand, is that keeping Ella happy is part of protecting her. Of course her physical safety is always going to be a top priority for me.
But physical safety isn’t the be-all and end-all. Her heart needs happiness, too, and letting her know about this party will give her a spark of joy. After all she’s been through, she deserves it.
A life without happiness isn’t a life at all.
“We’re all going to go to that event and put an end to this.” It’s the beginning of the end for so many things for Ella.