I wrappedthe flannel that Sloane had lent me around my body as the cool wind whipped around us. The boys were down below, dressed in athletic pants and long sleeve shirts, doing their drills for lacrosse. My back was turned toward the field again, and the only reason I’d come to practice today was because I had other things on my agenda. Things that couldn’t be stopped because my heart had a little tear in it from Isaiah and his show during lunch.
The girl, who I learned was named Breanna, stayed on Isaiah’s lap the entire time. Her long blonde locks fell to her butt when she would throw her head back and laugh at something the Rebels said, and I wanted to throw my salad in their faces. All of them. I was more confused than anything, but the silent touches of shame and betrayal were back, and I was wearing them like a second skin.
No more than a week ago, Isaiah had his arms around me, picking up my broken pieces as they scattered on the ground like the crisp leaves that currently sat beneath me. I shouldn’t have confided in him again. He told me on Thursday, after shoving me up against that tree just below the Covenant Psychiatric Hospital, that he and I were over. He was only staying true to what he’d demanded that night, although in a crappy way. He and I were no longer anything. In fact, we hadn’t spoken in days, but it didn’t matter the reason. Isaiah and I were impulsive with one another; it had shown in the library, just one day later. It was obvious we were both running from a past that neither of us could hide from and racing toward a future that we couldn’t have. We were intertwined. Our families were somehow twisted in one way or another, and if he knew more about that than what he’d already said, it didn’t show.
But regardless, I should have listened to him when he pushed me away. If I had, maybe I wouldn’t have been sitting here with raging jealousy brewing low in my belly as I stared at Breanna up in the bleachers with my back turned to him.
“Are you sure you want to do this? I’m all for pissing off the Rebel who hurt you, but…this? Bain isn’t someone you should be alone with, Gemma.”
“Bain won’t hurt me, Sloane.” I wasn’t fully certain of that, given the first night he had made himself known to me, but after what Isaiah had reluctantly told me last week—that Bain knew Richard—I was certain that if he wanted me gone or if he wanted to hurt me in some way, he would have done so by now. Richard wasn’t here to drag me back home, despite the social worker’s threats toward him, which meant that Bain hadn’t told him a single thing about me.
When I’d first started at St. Mary’s, Bain had said he recognized me; he just didn’t know where from yet. At the time, I had no idea just how truthful that was.Bain was definitely hiding something, and I wasn’t waiting around for Isaiah to tell me what it was.
“And how do you know that?”
I sighed softly, realizing that Sloane was worried about me. “I have been in more threatening situations, Sloane. I know what I’m doing. I promise. He won’t hurt me.”
She rolled her eyes as she looked up into the misty sky. “Gemma...”
“Sloane.” I grabbed onto her hand. “You’re one of the only people I trust in this school. I may hold back some information from time to time, but I will not lie to you.” I thought back to when I’d shown Sloane the scars around my wrists. She had been the only person so far that I’d confided in who hadn’t betrayed my trust. Well, Headmaster Tate hadn’t either, but it wasn’t like I’d told him much to begin with. I was still leery of him at times, even if I did feel safe near him.
Sloane’s warm breath made a cloud in the chilly air. “Fine. I’m giving you ten minutes, and then I’m coming after you. Got it?”
I nodded quickly, squeezing her hand. I could have waited and talked with Bain at the claiming party—as long as he stayed there the whole time, unlike the last one—just to drive Isaiah crazy. But I wasn’t even sure he’d feel that same burn of jealousy that I felt, and I wasn’t going to play that game. I had another game in mind—one I wouldn’t let him interfere with.
“Okay, go. Now. Their backs are turned.”
I quickly jumped to my feet, locking eyes with Bain who sat at the top of the bleachers, as usual, with his pack of friends. When he caught my attention, snagging those dark, beady eyes with mine, I flicked my chin once and quickly walked down the sidewalk and behind the bleachers.
Resting my back against one of the cold metal pillars, I tilted my head, feeling the chill race down my spine. I wasn’t sure if it was from the autumn temperature or fear. I stared up at the gray clouds, taking even breaths, grabbing a hold of this messed-up little game in my two shaky hands. I was done waiting on the sidelines. I was still running when this was all said and done, because I knew with complete certainty that the documents I’d found months ago were, in fact, real. It was confirmed in my shunned-away memory. It just took me a while to dig into the past and find the heavy threat that had been there since I was a small child. Richard would do to me what he did to my mother. He thought because he had taken everything away from me that I’d fall into his lap, allowing him to turn me into someone I wasn’t. He thought that all the punishments he’d given me, the threats, the fear, the longing touches against my skin that he tried to manipulate into love, would kill the girl I truly was deep down. He thought that sending me to a place like St. Mary’s was a punishment. Just another way to get me to oblige to his rules and demands. He honestly thought that sending me away from him would make me realize how worthy I was to be his. Did he expect me to beg to come home? Or to be truthful about it? Richard couldn’t see the truth because he was so twisted in the head, and I knew that because I knew him. I was thriving here, broken heart or not. I had plans that he didn’t foresee coming, and Bain wasn’t going to get in the way of those. I wouldn’t let it happen.
“Did you enjoy your midnight drive in my car the other night?”
My head came back down to level ground, and I ripped my gaze over to the dangerous boy slowly striding toward me. His hair was cut close to his scalp, a diamond stud glittering through the light fog. His footsteps were easy, and the closer he got, the harder my heart beat. Not from fear, though. I was too eager and wild with power to feel the tingles of fear now.
I turned slowly and propped my shoulder against the side of the metal pole bracing the bleachers. His friends were up too high to hear us, especially with the wind cutting through the air. My lips tipped into a small grin. “It’s no surprise that you knew. I think you know a lot more than you let on.”
Bain moved closer to me. He reached into his coat pocket, and my heart came to a halt for a quick second before I saw that he was pulling out a pack of cigarettes. The lighter flame was bright before he lit the end of one, and he puffed on it for a few seconds before blowing out the smoke and edging even closer to me.
We stood there in silence, and when I realized that he had nothing more to say, I leveled my voice and said, “My first week at St. Mary’s, you pulled me aside and said you recognized me.” Bain kept quiet as he sucked on the cigarette again. “But you know exactly who I am now, right? And you know Richard too.”
His brow quipped quickly, and I hated the sound of this deep voice. “Richard who?”
He was playing with me.
“Oh, you know, the man you sell guns to at the Covens.” I saw the flicker of shock ripple across Bain’s features. It was hardly noticeable, but I saw as it tore through him. I laughed sarcastically, unable to stop myself. “I have to admit, you’ve upset some people. I mean, someone else has been supplying those guns to Richard since I was five years old.”
After Friday, I had put more and more information together, like pieces from a puzzle. From the fragments of my memory and from what Isaiah had admitted, I knew much more than anyone thought.
Bain stayed silent, and it gave me the push to straighten my shoulders and raise my chin. Fear was a distant thought in the back of my head. I wanted him to know that I knew things about him. I wanted to prove to him, and Isaiah too, that I was taking things in my own hands. I was tired of the lies and half-truths. I was tired of being dismissed. “Want to know how I know that?”
Bain stepped closer to me, puffing out his smoke, causing my nostrils to flare and my lungs to burn. “I’m sure you know a lot more than I’d like. Tell me.” Bain’s other hand ran down the side of my cheek, and goosebumps clung to my skin. I still pushed back on the fear, though. I would not be intimidated by him. “Did Isaiah tell you all this? Or are you just as curious as your uncle says? He said you were smart, so did you figure this all out on your own? Unable to stay in your fucking lane?”
There it was. The confirmation I needed that there was more to their relationship than the gun trafficking. Bain knew that Richard was presumed to be my uncle. I still couldn’t figure out why there was a need for unmarked guns at a psychiatric hospital or why Isaiah called it the Covens, but none of that mattered right now.
“The better question is…” I pushed his hand away from my face. “Why haven’t you told him what I’ve been up to? He wants you to spy on me, right? Or is that just for your own sick pleasure?”
We both heard the crunching of gravel, and I assumed it was Sloane coming to check on me like she’d promised, but Bain’s sick smile appeared, and I faltered. “Maybeee. But, sweetheart? You are right where I want you to be. You aren’t my enemy.”
What the hell did that mean? And that “maybe” sounded an awful lot like a confirmation.