There. Right there. I almost jumped when he flicked his gaze to mine. It was like I could feel the room turn to ice. But it wasn’t cold. It was hot. Like the icy burn of stepping into snow barefoot. “I have nightmares,” I said, ignoring the way my skin pulled tight at the admission.
“I know,” he stated, still staying stark still with the water glistening behind him. I felt the twitch of my brows, feeling the concern whip through me so quickly that I wanted to jump into the pool to wash it away. How did we get to this? So much had happened between us in just a couple of months.
Isaiah quickly put his back to me, gripping his neck tightly and showcasing every ripple of muscle along his shoulders and spine. “Do you want to know why I can’t sleep? Why I’m here, tiring out my body that’s already so fucking tired?”
I stepped closer, and I knew he could feel me. We both studied the pool, nearly standing side by side. He didn’t peer down at me, and I didn’t peer up at him, too afraid to break the connection. It was heavy and tight. An overpowering tenseness filled the large room, and even the humidity in here couldn’t break the cool fluidity of his words.
“I can hear her screams in my sleep sometimes. When things start to get out of control or there’s something that I can’t fix, it’s like my mind instantly goes back to the first time I was ever put into a situation that I couldn’t control. My vulnerabilities come out in my sleep.”
My hands fell by my side, inches away from his, and I was completely taken aback by what he’d just admitted.
“When my mother was assaulted, I changed. I was barely a pre-teen, but I had seen and knew things that I wished I didn’t. So, when the French doors opened, I knew that something bad was about to happen. My father was gone, and so was Jacobi, my older brother. He’d left a while back, leaving me and Jack all on our own.” Isaiah sucked in a deep breath, and I knew it was hard for him to talk. I could hear the edge in his voice like a dull razor rubbing over my exposed skin. “It was just me, Jack, and my mom, sitting at the table, eating the dinner the chef had just set down. I saw the panicked look in her eye. The way she looked at me and then to Jack set me into blind action. Once the first man stepped through the door, I dashed forward, grabbed my brother, and I ran. I ran so fucking fast. He was so young that he doesn’t remember, but I do. I remember it all. I remember the way his tiny little hands dug into my t-shirt. I remember hearing the blistering screams from my mother as I pushed Jack into the small cubby in the wall between our rooms. I remember every last detail.”
Our hands brushed as moisture hit the backs of my eyes. I knew something had happened to his mother, but I never asked.
“By the time I got Jack locked away and ran back to the dining room, it was nearly too late. My mom was lying on the floor in a pool of her own blood. Her face was…” Isaiah paused for a few seconds before finishing. “Her face was unrecognizable.”
I wanted to place my hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t sob for him. There was a harsh pain nestling in the middle of my chest at the sound of his cracked voice, and although I’d craved to see inside Isaiah’s mind since the very beginning, it hurt to do so.
“I don’t think about that night often. Everything after was such a blur. Cade and Brantley came with their fathers. They all said I was in shock, but I wasn’t.” I felt Isaiah move, and I was pretty sure he was looking down at me. “I know how trauma can change people, Gemma. That’s why you and I are the way that we are. That’s why you and I have something no one else does. That’s why we share a connection. We’re the same.”
My hand shook when his finger hooked with mine. It was a relief to feel him against my skin. Isaiah was comfort and warmth and strength all wrapped up into one person, and with just one single touch, I felt at home. I felt whole. And that wasn’t something I thought I could ever feel after Tobias disappeared.
“You asked me why I wasn’t sleeping.”
My voice croaked as a single tear fell over my cheek and landed on the slippery floor that we both stood on. “Yes.”
“I can’t sleep because I’m afraid the second I shut my eyes, the same thing will happen to you.” I quickly glanced up to him, seeing pure torment and insecurity all over his features. “Whether by my father, an enemy that I haven’t even fucking met yet, Richard, or Bain.” He swallowed, gripping onto my hand harder and pulling me into his chest. His other hand caressed the side of my face gently, and warmth settled deep within. “You scare the hell out of me because you are my weakness, Gemma Richardson, and if the wrong people get a hold of that, like my father or Bain’s father, they will show no mercy. You will be used as a bargaining chip, just like my mother.”
My bottom lip trembled as I stared up at him. Another stray tear slipped down my cheek, and he quickly swiped it away, the dip in between his brows getting deeper.
“I’ve been used all my life.” It was the only thing I could say. I didn’t want to say that I didn’t want to be used, because then that meant I didn’t choose him, but I wanted to. I wanted to choose him, and I wanted him to come with me and get away from everything that had hurt us or had the potential.
“I know,” he whispered, pulling my head into his bare chest. My tears mixed with the water that still blanketed over the curves of his muscles. “Don’t worry. I won’t let anyone use you anymore.”
I quickly pulled back, walls falling and crashing into the pool behind us. Isaiah’s face grew serious as I let myself spill. “Bain said something to me.”
His jaw wiggled as his hands cupped my face, waiting for me to tell him, and maybe this was what he had wanted all along—for me to tell him what Bain had said. Either way, I still told him.
“He said, ‘You’re right where I want you to be, Gemma.’” I swallowed, letting it all come out in one whoosh. “And his relationship with Richard goes deeper than illicit gun selling. He knows who I am.”
The sickening feeling of dread and worry was quickly washed away as Isaiah bent his head down and placed our foreheads together. He nodded against me, our warmth mingling, and then his lips touched mine, and I fell into him. I fell hard and swiftly, and it was irreversible. We gripped one another tightly, and I didn’t think either of us wanted to let go.