Barred Desires (The Deepest Desires 1)

A week later,and the kiss won’t leave my mind. It was one quick kiss, yet I’m practically obsessing over it. I’ve kissed so many people in my life. Hell, I kissed someone else that same night, but I can’t get this one out of my brain. Why is it always the things we can’t have that we end up wanting the most?

Kind of fucked up logic, if you ask me.

Currently, I’m hustling to get to my creative writing class. I accidentally overslept and am now running late. If I move fast enough, I might make it on time. This teacher is honestly really cool, and probably wouldn’t even say anything if I was late, but I’d rather not risk it.

I’ve only been taking this class for a week now, but it’s easily one of my favorites already. Who knew I would enjoy writing so much? Luca has always been the writer in the family, whereas reading has always appealed to me more. It probably helps that Professor Philips is chill as fuck. He can’t be more than thirty or thirty-five, at most. He also genuinely looks like someone straight out of a romance novel.

Quickly, I check my Apple watch as I enter class, seeing I have two minutes to spare–damn, I made good time. Thank fuck I’m not late. Seeing a seat beside Cash in our normal spot, I make my way over to him. Except for this class that we share together, I haven’t seen him a whole lot over the past two weeks. The frat is busy with rush week and all the stuff they do at the beginning of the school year.

“What’s up, man?” I ask with a smirk. “How was your weekend?”

“Rough, and not in the good way.” He rubs his hands down his face. He does look more tired than normal.

“That bad? What’s going on?”

“Eh, I don’t know. It’s not really something I want to talk about.”

Um. Okay? He’s being so fucking weird.

The rest of the day goes by quickly. I only have three classes on Monday, so I’m walking through my front door right before two-thirty. Going into the kitchen to grab a water bottle and a protein bar, I kind of want to hit the gym before it gets too late and packed. With that decided, I climb the stairs while I’m taking a bite out of the bar. Gotta change first.

As I get to the top, the sound of the shower running hits my ears. No one else should be home. I'm the only one with a short day on Mondays, or so I thought.

Once inside my room, I make quick work of changing out of my clothes and into black basketball shorts, then slip on my Nike shoes that I like to work out in. I didn’t make it to the gym all weekend, and I’m itching to get my blood pumping. I try to make an effort to go at least five days a week, but six would be better, although it’s not always doable around here. The gym on campus is open until late and it’s free, which I appreciate.

Grabbing my water bottle and an old band tee from the closet, I leave my room and head downstairs, remembering I need to take some pre-workout before I go. As I walk into the kitchen, I’m stopped in my tracks when I see Luca getting some water.

“Hey, man, don’t you have class today?” I certainly wasn’t expecting him to be home right now.

He looks like a deer caught in headlights. “Oh, hey. Normally I do, but the professor canceled it last minute. Family emergency or something.”

“Right on. Well, I’m heading to the gym,” I say, taking the pre-workout out of the cabinet. “Do you want to come? I’m not sure if you’ve been to the gym on campus yet, but it’s pretty nice.” Things have been less than comfortable since the night of the frat party, and it seems like both of us are perfectly content pretending it didn’t happen, but I’d really like to move past it. We do live together, and we are still family. Plus, we’re both mature adults. He had a lot to drink that night and was distraught over his argument with his girlfriend, and I was also drinking. The kiss doesn’t need to mean anything, nor does it need to change everything.

“Uhh, yeah, sure. Let me go get my tennis shoes on. Be right back.”

With that, he runs upstairs, and I get back to my pre-workout. I am most definitely a dry scoop type of guy. It’s so much quicker that way and it starts working immediately. As I’m washing the rest of the scoop down with my water, Luca comes walking back in, AirPods and water bottle in hand.

“Ready?”

“Yeah, dude, thanks for waiting.”

The walk to campus is surprisingly not as awkward as I expect it to be. We’re both in the workout headspace, so conversation comes easily. We talk about our classes—which ones we like, which ones we don’t. He has a lot of the same classes I took last year, and with that, he also has a few of the same professors I had. He has an English class with Professor Philips too, and we both agreed that he seems like a pretty chill guy.

For the past few years, things with us have always been at least a little strained, even if just in my head, so this is nice. On the surface, Luca and I are different. He has dirty blonde hair, looks like the boy next door type, and is introverted as hell, whereas I have jet black hair, piercings and tattoos, and can befriend anyone within minutes of meeting them. Below the surface, though, we are not that different. We enjoy the same music, same types of movies, we share so many of the same friends, and family is insanely important to both of us. Experiencing the loss of a parent at such a young age, regardless of the cause, really forces you to appreciate the family you do have. We have always put family first, whether that be blood or found.

We make great time walking to the gym, and when we enter the facility, it’s basically empty, like I figured it would be. A lot of students have classes or sports until a bit later in the afternoon. We both head to the treadmills and decide to warm up with a run. With our AirPods in and our minds focused, neither of us speaks, but it’s comfortable.

I know we can move past this awkward phase. This proves it. One night, or one kiss, doesn’t need to define us or our relationship. No matter how attractive I find him running beside me or how his smell is borderline intoxicating.