Controlled Chaos (Love and Lyrics 1)

I’m so confused. We were just ripping each other’s clothes off, and now he’s practically pushing me away.

And then it hits me… Every time we’ve had sex, it’s been with him on top, or the one time in the shower, he let me ride him. He never lets me go down on him, and he never takes me from behind… because I told him what David did to me.

“Is it because you don’t want me the way David had me or because you’re afraid I’ll freak out?”

His eyes widen slightly before they go soft. “I want to make sure you’re comfortable. I don’t want anything we do to trigger what he did… like the day on the helicopter.”

I close the distance between us and, with one hand, cup his face. The other, I palm his now semi-soft length. “I can’t promise anything we do won’t trigger what he did. I don’t know how it all works in my head, but I don’t want what he did to affect us. I want to taste you, feel you, love you. I want you to fuck me every way possible. I want every bad memory with him to be erased and replaced with amazing memories with you. I want to be in the here and now with you. We already missed so much time. I just want to be with you.”

“Fuck, I love you so damn much,” Camden says before his mouth crashes down on mine. We kiss passionately for several minutes as I stroke his dick, getting it hard again. Then breaking the kiss, I drop back down onto my knees and take him into my mouth.

“Holy shit,” he groans, his palm slapping the wall behind me as I go as deep as I can, licking and sucking on his velvety smooth flesh. His other hand goes to my hair, but instead of pulling it, he runs his fingers gently through it.

I have to admit, I was a little worried about how I would feel being in this position, but as I glance up at Camden, my mouth wrapped around his cock, and our eyes meet, I know I have nothing to be worried about because no matter what we’re doing, Camden makes sure I’m comfortable.

“C’mere, baby,” he says, pulling me up. My mouth pops off the head, and I pout because I didn’t get to finish.

Camden chuckles. “I love your mouth on me, but I really want to be inside you.” His lips capture my own, and he lifts me into his arms, pushing me against the wall. My legs wrap around his hips, and he enters me in one fluid motion. With his mouth never leaving mine, he works me over, hitting my clit in the most delicious way. That, combined with the way he’s thrusting into me, hard and deep, sends me over the edge, taking Camden with me.

“Jesus,” I mutter breathlessly, breaking our kiss and setting my forehead against his. “Every time I’m with you, I just want more and more.”

“Well, that’s good,” he murmurs. “Because my hope is that you’ll want me for the rest of our lives.”

My eyes dart up, my head backing up slightly to meet his. “What… What do…?” I can’t even finish my thoughts, my question. “The rest of our lives?” I finally say, swallowing the lump of emotion.

“That’s my hope,” he says, pressing his lips to mine. “Don’t worry, Layles. I’m not proposing… yet. But yes, I want you forever.”

His confession should scare me since I just got out of a crappy situation, but it doesn’t. Instead, it feels as though the looming darkness has cracked open, exposing the most beautiful, bright light over us.

“Forever.” I find myself smiling at the thought of spending every day for the rest of my life with Camden. “That sounds really freaking nice.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

LAYLA

Camden: You, me, date tonight. Wear a dress.

Camden: And before you try to argue, your mom is keeping Felix overnight and taking him to school in the morning. She offered.

Me: Sounds good.

“What has you smiling?” Bailey asks, taking a bite of her salad. We’ve been working on the YouTube channel all day, so she ordered in lunch so we could eat and work.

“Your brother.” I grin when she playfully scrunches her nose up in disgust. “He’s apparently taking me on a date tonight.”

“Nice. Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “But Felix is staying with my mom overnight.” I waggle my brows, and Bailey fake gags.

“You guys are so sweet, it makes me sick.”

“Like you and Cynthia aren’t sweet?”

“Not like that. She’s chill.”

“Whatever.” I roll my eyes. “I need to pick up something to wear and new lingerie. Want to join me?”

“Sure.” She tosses her empty salad bowl into the trash. “I’m always down to shop.”

While we’re at the store, Camden texts to let me know he’ll pick me up at my mom’s since I have to drop Felix off there.