He exhaled loudly. “The but is that I’ve been inside your body. I’ve made you come.” He glanced down my body, making me feel as though I were completely naked, as though he were inside me again. “I’m doing everything I can not to reach across this desk and make you come again.”
My legs tightened, the fluttering instantly sparking between them.
The tingling making it hard for me to process the reality of this situation.
“What are you saying, Ford?”
He was silent as he stared at me. “I don’t see a way around this.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“I can’t have both, Sydney.”
Both.
And then it hit me.
It was either the job or the start of this relationship—or whatever direction we were moving in, together.
But I couldn’t have both.
I was slowly inhaling, trying to convince my heart to settle, as he asked, “Which do you want more?”
I pulled my hair to one side, holding it in my slick hand, my heart increasing instead of calming. “You can’t ask me that. It’s not fair.”
“But it’s the only way I’m going to decide.”
I released the strands of hair, my head dropping, my hand now holding my forehead. I needed the pressure; my brain felt like it was going to explode.
Which do you want more?
The one thing I knew, the one thing Ford had emphasized, was that he didn’t bring women into her life. Even in this office, he’d reminded me of that.
Up until this point, things had been going well between us. We’d had an excellent time on our first date. Before he’d left my apartment, there had been talk of seeing each other again.
But I got the sense that relationships weren’t easy for him, that there hadn’t been many since Everly had been born—if there had even been any at all.
Oh God, I liked this man.
My accidental encounter, who constantly found his way into my mind. A set of eyes that, every time I stared into them, I wanted to see more.
To see deeper.
To see … a future with him.
But Ford had his reservations about women, and something told me that was because of what had happened with Everly’s mother.
I didn’t know if he would ever take the next step with me.
If we would get to the place where he allowed me around his daughter.
If he kept those two parts of his life separate, why would it be any different with me?
I’d finally met someone I really liked.
Now, I was here, in this emotional place, forced to make this decision.
All I knew was that if Ford was the person I was supposed to be with, one day, this would all work out.
And maybe I would never be more than Everly’s nanny, but at least I would be spending time doing what I loved with the little person Ford loved the most in this world.
“What’s your answer, Sydney?” He folded his hands together, waiting for my response, his eyes fixed with mine.
“I choose …” I held in my breath, unable to stop my brain from spiraling.
Am I making a mistake?
Am I going about this all wrong?
Will I regret this decision?
Will he see right through me?
He would always put her first, but showing Ford that I would do the same had to mean something.
“Everly,” I finished.
A reaction came across his face like a wave, one that I couldn’t quite read before he said, “That’s what you want, then? To be her nanny?”
There was no doubt in my mind that I could give Everly exactly what she needed. If there was one thing I was extremely confident about, it was that.
At the same time, I could apply the skills I would be learning at school into the lesson plans I designed for her.
The only thing I wasn’t sure about was what it would be like, living in his home. How it would put us in close quarters every single day, showing vulnerabilities, especially considering my attraction to him was so strong.
But I wasn’t afraid.
If anything, the thought excited me.
“Yes,” I answered. “That’s what I want.”
“You know what that means, don’t you?”
I tightened the grip I already had around my stomach. “It means that whatever was happening between us is now over.”
He nodded. Slowly. “And nothing can ever happen between us again.” His stare intensified. “We can’t date. We can’t fuck. You’re there for Everly … not me.”
Am I making a mistake?
Those words were on repeat.
Again, I heard them.
“I understand,” I told him.
“And you can accept that?”
He wasn’t testing me. He wasn’t being derogatory.
He was being Everly’s father.
“Yes.”
He reached across the desk, holding out his hand for me to grab. The moment we linked fingers, his voice softened as he said, “Are you sure?”
I knew what he was doing.
And there was no question; I felt the energy between our hands. The promise in his grip. The heat in his skin.
All of it made the tingle inside my body beat like techno.
But I had to stay focused on Everly.