It kills me, it really does, but what can I do? I don’t even know these people, but I want to help.
I want her to be happy.
And I think she will be when she sees the apartment. Parking my car beside hers, I get out and run inside the coffee shop. She must have been watching the door because when I enter, she smiles as she hits the top of her loop pedal and a sick-ass beat drops. Grinning, I maneuver around the tables to my table in the front. I sit down and she closes her eyes as she sings, her face breaking into a grin as she hits notes that are just mind-blowing.
A part of me wishes she would pursue the singing part. I love her voice, but her anxiety has gotten worse. She’s stopped going to her downtown gigs three times a week. She only goes once a week now, and I told her it was a bad idea since a lot of music people hang out downtown. But she says it freaks her out. It scares me that her anxiety is getting worse, but she showed me an article that said it could happen with the extra hormones that are running through her body. She’s been on top of it, though, and I’m thankful for that.
Because I can’t fucking lose her.
I just can’t.
When the song ends, I look up and grin as she changes the tempo with a hit of her foot. A fast beat starts very softly in the background. I know that beat, it’s ingrained in my head and I’ll never forget it. With her eyes on me, she starts the chords to what I know is our baby’s song, “Heartbeat.” While my song was my favorite before, this one just hits me straight in the gut. It’s perfect and the words… Jesus, they are just awe-inspiring.
As her eyes close and she sings, her voice making the song a billion times better, I watch her. I can’t believe that is my wife. The rest of my existence. I can’t see my baby, the little bump that grows every day, but I don’t need to see it to know it’s there.
His eyes.
My smile.
What will you have?
Will you ever realize how much we love you?
How we couldn’t ever lose you?
That you make life worth living.
> Closing my eyes, I slowly nod my head as she sings, her voice hitting me in the soul. Each word holds a certain kind of promise. A promise that our child will hold in its heart for the rest of its life. I haven’t heard the song completely put together like this yet, and it’s beautiful. So damn perfect, and I can’t wait until the moment she sings it to our baby.
As our eyes meet, hers misty with tears, I smile.
Because I think I just fell in love with her all over again.
When Avery pulls up beside me in front of our new apartment, she flashes me a bright grin as I pull open her door. She hasn’t seen the apartment yet; she doesn’t even know I’ve had the keys for the last three days. I want to surprise her, and I know it might be silly, but I’m excited for her to see home Lucy made for us.
“It’s a big building,” she says as I take her bag. “Should I have gone and gotten my stuff?”
I shake my head, shutting her door and reaching for her hand. “Later. Let’s go check it out.”
“Eek! I’m excited!”
I can tell. She’s trembling and so am I. I hope I don’t give away the surprise because I’m so excited. This is our home. Our first place together, and for some reason, that means a lot to me. Is it perfect? Hell no, it’s small. Thankfully we don’t have a baby yet because I’m really not sure how all of us could fit, but it works. It’s ours. Plus, we aren’t sharing it with anyone and there aren’t twenty other guys being loud and stinking it up. It’s ours. Mine and hers.
As we head up the first set of stairs, she’s all smiles as she asks, “How did you like my set?”
“Awesome as always,” I say with a grin. “I really love the baby’s song.”
“Doesn’t it sound awesome? I love it so hard. I can’t wait to sing it at the showcase.”
“Me either.”
“Stu thinks it will sell quick.”
“I agree.”
“I think I want to buy you a new car with my first check, if it does well,” she says, trailing off, and I smile.
“You don’t have to.”