I look over to the other side of the card and read the inscription. “I loved you yesterday. I love you still. I always have. I always will. Happy Anniversary.” My eyes travel back to his note on the left, and my fingertips trace the writing. Placing the card on the bed, I allow myself a few moments to take it all in before I continue. There is no stopping the tears now. I could hear his voice reading these words, and I would give anything to still hear it outside of my own thoughts. I take a sip of the wine and tear at the wrapping paper. Once unwrapped, I find a long black velvet box. Fuck! I feel not only sadness filling me, but anger. To open it or not open it…of course I’m going to fucking open it.
Staring back at me is the most…shit, it hurts so much right now…the most stunning necklace I have ever seen. It is a silver-plated heart with a diamond in it and engraved in a beautiful cursive “Always.” Dropping the box on my bed, I pull my knees in and try to control my breathing. I run my fingers through my hair and pull at the ends, feeling heartbroken all over again.
I’m not sure how long I sit here wanting time to move quicker, but in fact it feels slower, possibly even stopped. My head is spinning, and my heart hurts. I clutch the necklace box and bring it to my chest before setting my head on the pillow., I look around and see every memory this room holds. It’s a prisoner for my broken life and fallen dreams. Emmett always talked about the big plans for us he had, but I doubt he ever thought my big plans would not include him.
I can’t stay here. I can’t do this. These people, every single one of them expect me to be something I’m not and to find the strength to move on. I can’t. I won’t. I don’t want to. Instead of sleeping, I pull the notebook out that I keep in the drawer on my nightstand and begin my great escape. What I need to do, possible places to go, what to pack…I make notes on all of it before I finally succumb to the exhaustion that has overtaken my body tonight. The wine of course was not a help.
As I allow myself to drift off to sleep, I continue to think about my future plans, and only one thing is certain: no one can know, not even Zach. Although, he has been pretty busy lately with new friends he’s making. Guess some of us can just forget.
This is the best for everyone. Everyone is so concerned on beginning to figure out how to move on that this is for the better. I’m not ready to move on from him, nor will I probably ever be. There is nothing left in this place for me, so it’s time to just move on from here.
I walk across the stage as they announce, “Danielle Kathryn Jacobs.” I look up to find our families cheering loudly. I scan the row and spot an empty seat next to them, and I’m reminded again that he isn’t here. I haven’t forgotten. Another moment we will never get to share.
To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t sure this day was going to come after everything we went through this year. Hell, it hasn’t even been a full year, just six months. In the past few weeks after deciding to leave after graduation, I spent a little bit of time with each of my family members including Haylee, knowing that my time with them was limited. I had hoped that in their mind I was finally coming out of it, whatever the darkness was that I fell into, and was ready to start dealing with reality.
By the time the last name is called and they announce that we have officially graduated, I am ready to get the hell out of here. In this place I have only had two identities: Zach Jacobs’s sister and Emmett Hanks’ girlfriend. It’s a life I have only ever known, but tomorrow I put it all behind me. Tomorrow I start a new life—one where I am only known as me, Danielle Jacobs. Leaving for a place where no one knows my past, no one knows the hurt, no one knows Emmett.
“We did it! We actually did it!” Haylee and I shout at the same time as we exit the stadium and search for our families. I am taken by surprise and scream when arms wrap around me and I am lifted off the ground. For a moment I think that it’s Emmett, but I know that is impossible. My brother’s voice cuts the sadness.
“You did it! I’m so proud of you, sis!”
He continues to spin me around in circles. “Zach, put me down. You’re gonna make me sick.” Those are the magic words. I am put back on my feet so fast, I almost fall over. My parents are next to pull me into their arms followed by Natalie and Brian. I am pretty sure they take enough photos to fill our entire yearbook and then some. The irony of all these photographs is that as of tomorrow, this is all they will have left.
I look around at the smiling faces and take a mental photo of this.
“Reservations tomorrow at 5:30 at Boatyard,” my dad shouts to everyone as we begin to make our way toward the parking lot.
As we reach the cars, I realize this will be the last time I see Natalie, Brian, and Haylee. I wrap my arms around Haylee’s parents.
“Thank you for everything. I love you both so much.”
“We love you too, Dani. And we are so proud of all you have accomplished.”
I turn to my best friend and wrap my arms around her and think for a moment I might not let her go. I pretend that is this is a hug just like every other hug and not goodbye.
“You’re going to squeeze the life out of me, D!”
I release her from my arms and laugh along with her.
“Sorry, I just can’t believe this day is finally here and gone. It seems surreal.”
“I know! No more high school! Woo! Now on to bigger and better things.”
“Yep. Crazy!”
My brother shouts from where he’s standing beside his Jeep, “Hey, D, are you riding back with Hails, or you wanna ride home with me?”
“Is it cool to ride back with you?”
“Yeah, hop in.” Zach gets in the driver’s side of the Jeep as I say goodbye to Haylee one last time.
“I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” Haylee shouts as she gets into her car and I walk toward my brother’s car.
“Thanks.” I get in and buckle my seat belt.
“Want to sit out back like old times? I figure that’s as good a way as any to celebrate the end of this chapter of your life.”
I nod. “I’d like that.”