Trying to keep my sounds down, I made a fist and bit down on my knuckle, grunting as quietly as I could as I sent myself over the edge to my release, letting my load fall straight down the drain. Shit, that was intense. I placed my forehead against the cold tile. It hadn’t even been twelve hours that she’d been here, and I’d already jerked off to fantasies of her.
I had gone straight to my room after the shower incident, thinking I would just crash hard, post-orgasm, and wake up feeling better, however this girl has somehow taken residency in my brain and I’m not sure what to do with that. Tossing and turning, I decide to go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I don’t bother putting on shorts or a shirt—everyone should be asleep, so I don’t care if I’m walking around my house in just boxers. I quietly open my bedroom door and slowly walk past her closed door to the kitchen, grab my water, and slowly creep back. I place my ear to her bedroom door to see if I hear her awake, but I’m met with silence. I’m glad she is relaxed enough to have fallen asleep—that makes one of us. I tiptoe back into my room and finish my water knowing that I will probably have to take a piss at some point in the night, but whatever.
If I’m going to be anything but useless tomorrow at work, then I better cut this shit out and fall asleep. I find the remote on the nightstand and turn on Netflix. Maybe I just need some background noise to drown out my thoughts. Turning on an episode of The Office, I barely make it through one episode before I am off in la-la land dreaming of that beautiful brunette sleeping just a few feet from me. Maybe in some way, she is dreaming of me too and we can meet up in our dreams, in a world where her heart hasn’t been crushed into a million pieces and could even fathom giving it to someone like me.
T he past week, we have fallen into a groove. I cooked and cleaned up in gratitude for Zach and Kyler allowing me to stay here. I haven’t found a job yet, but I have a few good leads to follow up on. Thankfully I was paid pretty well at my last job, so I was able to save up a good amount since I never went out, lived a minimalist lifestyle, and needed to prove I could support myself on my own. I also haven’t reached out to my parents, but knowing Zach, they are well aware that I am here and alive and well. I honestly wouldn’t put it past them to have done few drive-bys, but I’m sure it took an incredible amount of strength for them not to get out of the car and barge into the house and find me.
Haylee is another person I haven’t reached out to yet. All Zach has told me is that she is doing well. I feel guilty that I haven’t called her yet, but I was supposed to be her best friend and I just dropped her without a word. Asking about where she is and what she is doing in life almost feels like an intrusion. I figured when I finally have the courage to reach out to my parents, I will reach out to her too. Who knows, she might just tell me fuck off or hang up on me. If I were her, I would.
With my back to Kyler, I turn the water on to begin doing the dishes from dinner. Zach still hasn’t arrived home yet, so I made sure to set aside a plate for him. Over the sound of the running water, I can hear the opening of the container that contained the cupcakes I had baked this afternoon—strawberry cupcakes with a champagne buttercream frosting. They became my signature cupcakes over the years. I always loved baking them when I was younger because I thought I was getting away with murder when Mom would buy me champagne for the frosting when I wasn’t even old enough to drink. I loved baking—one day I had planned to open my own bakery where I could spend all day doing what I loved and spend my nights with the man I loved. Emmett could come home from a hard day’s work at the office to dinner made and a fresh-baked dessert each night. We would need to find ways to make sure we kept all the extra pounds off from all the sweet treats, but with Emmett I couldn’t resist that smile.
My breath catches as I try to push back the thought along with all the memories, hopes, dreams, and happily ever after. They all died four years ago along with Em. I can feel my eyes filling with tears, but I can’t do this now, here. I refuse to let them spill over, especially not in front of Kyler. Kyler Lawson…I don’t know much about him except for the fact he is Emmett’s replacement in my brother’s life.
To keep from crying, I go to my happy place. It’s the only place that has gotten me through the past four years. Oh, how I wish I could just stay there and not in the bleak reality of life without him. My happy place is where I feel whole, not this sorry excuse of a shell. I envision Em standing next to me, putting his arms around my waist, his front to my back, rubbing his nose up and down on my neck as he inhales my vanilla perfume, kissing my shoulder before whispering…
“Mmmmm…I love you, cupcake.”
CRASH!
I’m instantly pulled back to reality as I hear Kyler’s footsteps rushing over to me, avoiding the broken glass of the Pyrex casserole dish that I dropped. Glass is all over the counter and on the floor in front of the sink.
“Fuck! Dani, are you okay?”
I am in a trance still, frozen in space. Did I hear those words in real life? But how? I know they weren’t just in my head this time, right? Maybe I’m losing my mind.
“Dani? Dani? Are you hurt? What happened?” Kyler is looking at me directly in the eyes, cupping my cheeks, trying to bring me down from my shock.
His eyes drift down my body, inspecting me. “Holy shit, Dani, you’re bleeding.” Taking my hands, he safely escorts me to the
other side of the island and pulls out the stool for me to take a seat in. Kyler leaves the room and returns just as quickly as he left with a first aid kit in hand. Taking a seat next to me, he takes my left hand in his. There’s a gash on my palm. Blood has always made me a little queasy but not in this moment.
“Dani? Look at me. What happened over there?”
Finally making eye contact with him, I cock my head to the side. “Why are you looking at me like I’ve got three heads or something,” he asks me while cleaning my wound. It makes me flinch a little.
“Ow, that stings.”
“Well, I’m no doctor, but I don’t think you’ll need stitches. It looks worse than it is.”
If only he knew the awful pain that’s on the inside. Studying him, I try to divert my attention away from my hand by looking into his eyes. Wow, they are the most beautiful shade of chestnut brown with golden specks in them. My gaze travels from his eyes down to his mouth. What would it feel like to press my lips against his? My stomach drops, realizing I just had that thought about another man. Someone not Emmett…what the hell is wrong with me?
While I’m distracted with my inner turmoil, I didn’t notice Kyler finishing up with the bandage on my hand. He then raises my palm to his lips and presses a brief kiss over the bandage. It startles me to say the least. That is the first time another man has kissed me. Em was the only man to ever do any of those things.
“Ummm, thank you.” I pull my hand back to my chest and take a moment to breathe before I go to get up off the stool. I must get up a little too fast because I am shaky on my feet when I stand. Maybe the thought of blood had made me weak after all.
Kyler grabs my arm and says, “Why don’t you go lie down. I can clean this up.”
I nod. Kyler heads to the mess I left on the floor while I make my way out of the kitchen. I glance over my shoulder, planning to steal one last look at this man who is messing with my head, but instead my eyes meet his as if we were magnetized. I swallow hard, wishing that I could explain this pull between us. His expression is intense and burning a hole right through me. He breaks eye contact first, and I make my escape, not looking back again.
I am throwing away the last of the broken glass in the trash can, when Zach enters the kitchen, setting his keys and workbag on the counter.
“Whoa! What happened in here?”
He opens the fridge and grabs the leftovers of the delicious veggie lasagna Danielle had made earlier and two beers. He opens them both and passes one to me.
“Care to explain?” He tips his fork toward the dustpan and broom by the trashcan before taking a bite.
I shake my head. “Honestly, man, I don’t have a clue. I mean, your sister and I had a nice evening chatting, she was standing there doing the dishes, and I just had to try one of those amazing cupcakes she made. That shit is heaven, like borderline orgasmic.