? I reach over and grab the glass of wine on the coffee table. At this rate, I might be hungover for work tomorrow. I am mid swig when my phone vibrates again. I nervously open the message.
Finn: So, there was a reason I was texting you.
Me: It wasn’t just to see that I got the flowers?
Finn: No.
Me: Care to share with the class.
Finn: Ha! You just pulled your teacher’s voice, didn’t you?
Me: *Smiley face emoji*
The three dots appear again and disappear. Moments pass and silence from Finn.
Me: Did you leave me?
I instantly regret my words, because yes, you did leave me. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant did he fall asleep or decide he was done talking to me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Finn: No, sorry. I put Liam in his bed.
Phew. A sense of relief washes over me.
Me: Oh, ok. You said there was a reason you were texting me.
Finn: Yeah, so I was wondering if maybe you wanted to get lunch sometime.
Yes. No. Umm, is this a good idea? I type my response and delete numerous times. I jump when my phone vibrates in my hand.
Finn: Stop overthinking it, Lo. It’s just lunch. Two friends have lunch all the time.
Me: I’m not overthinking it.
Finn: I know you. Plus, the three dots keep moving with no response.
Me: I’m not the same person I was, Finn.
Finn: I know that. Give me the chance to get to know you.
I nibble on my bottom lip as I type my answer. I let out a shaky breath just as my finger hits the Send button. One word holding all the power, all the emotion, all the vulnerability…
Lauren: Okay.
I stare at the phone in shock. Lauren agreed—she actually agreed. I mentally high-five myself. We are definitely going in the right direction. And I meant every word I said. I know that we’re different people now, but I want to know everything there is to know about Lauren Lawson and show her that she is still the one for me.
I want to know what makes her laugh and cry these days. I want to know if tomato and mozzarella is still her favorite thing to eat. I was glad to see that pink roses were still her favorite. It took me going to two floral shops to find the correct shade of pink, but it was worth it. I think the only thing that could have topped that is that the delivery guy got to see her smile in person when she saw and held them, not me, but there is plenty of time for that. This surely won’t be the last bouquet I ever give her.
I’m currently stretched out on my bed with one arm propped behind my head and the other holding my phone.
Me: Does it make me sound eager if I ask if you’re free tomorrow?
I see the three dots appear indicating that she’s typing, but then it disappears. Then it starts back up again, and I regret my text. I was just so excited that she had said yes and wanting to see her again, on purpose this time, that I might have scared her away.
Lauren: No, that wouldn’t make you sound eager, but I can’t.
My shoulders slump, and I let out a loud sigh. I knew I pushed her too far. I knew I should have waited to text her.
I know I’m overthinking things, but maybe she remembered how much I hurt her by putting that distance between us. Perhaps I’ve read it all wrong, and this isn’t what she wants. I begin to type out a response, but another message from Lauren appears almost immediately.