I Never Let You Go (I Never 3)

My phone vibrates on the coffee table for the third time this evening. I pick it up next to the half-drank bottle of cabernet sauvignon that I had picked up on the ride home. My sister’s face and name appear on the screen—not Finn’s. Why would he call now? I wasn’t worth a phone call before he left; why would he call after?

“I know you didn’t bitch button me.”

“Don’t feel like talking.”

Kate enters the house. I seriously think about

taking her key back. I glance over my shoulder with the wineglass in hand. Kate stops walking, and her eyes widen. “What’s wrong?”

“What makes you think something’s wrong?” I snicker before taking another sip of the wine.

The couch dips as Kate takes a seat next to me, but I ignore her.

She takes the wine from my hand, and I reach for the bottle on the table instead.

“Seriously? What the hell is going on? Do I need to bring in reinforcements?” Kate stands, looking down on me with the glass in one hand and the bottle in the other. She scrunches her brows, causing wrinkles to form between them, and her jaw is taut. This must be what I look like when I raise my voice at my students.

My defenses are up, and I am not in the mood for company. “Finn’s gone,” I say just above a whisper.

“What?” she gasps, setting the bottle and the glass down on the table as she retakes a seat next to me, this time closer.

Jackpot. I leaned forward, gripping the bottle tightly in my hand so she can’t pry it out of my hands. “Yep, he went back to Seattle without a word.” I bring the glass to my lips and savor the rich liquid as it goes down my throat, finishing the glass before slamming it on the table. Luckily, it didn’t break.

“I don’t understand. If Finn left without telling you, then how do you know?”

I rise to my feet, full of emotion—anger, hurt, sadness. I throw my head back in laughter, but more of the I can’t believe I let this happen way, not a funny ha-ha laugh.

“See, I couldn’t get our conversation out of my head, and I had convinced myself that we could do this, that we could give ourselves the happily ever after. I went to his office today to tell him that. I wanted us to be an us again. I wanted him back in my life, not just as my friend. I wanted all of him. And you know what he did? He left. I clearly meant so much to him that he up and left—again.”

I look around the room and focus on the bookshelf full of romance novels—ones that feed you the bullshit that people get second chances when they are meant to be. A load of shit if you ask me.

I walk over to the bookshelf and begin ripping books from the shelf and throwing them on the ground. Lies, all lies. All they ever do is lie. I’ll love you forever. I’ll wait for you. You’re the only one for me.

“What are you doing?” Kate asks, approaching me with caution.

“These books are bullshit. They teach you how to love, not what to do when your heart gets stomped on. They don’t tell you what happened when people always leave you.”

I fall to my knees with my hands in front of me while I try to catch my breath.

“Why did I have to fall again?” I look up at her, the tears streaming down my face. One arm covers her mouth in shock at my outburst while the other is wrapped tightly around her waist. Her own eyes are glassy with tears.

Kate takes a seat and holds my hand in hers. “It’s who you are. When you love, you love with everything you have. That’s one of the things I love most about you.” She exhales loudly, readjusting herself, pulling one leg under her but keeping my hand in hers. “You and Finn have a bond like two magnets. No matter how much you try not to feel those feelings, you can’t help it.”

“Yeah, well, we don’t have to worry about that now. Finn’s gone. He left. I missed my chance yet again. I did this.” I slump my shoulders and look down at my own lap. The iron coat of armor is finally melting, and my emotions begin to get the best of me. My anger turns to grief. I need to grieve the loss of the love we once shared. I struggle for air as I drop my head into my sister’s lap and let the tears take over. “Why wasn’t I enough for him? Why am I never enough?”

I wanted to believe that Finn was nothing like my father, but he left just like him. How can I not compare the two? Is there something wrong with me that the men in my life can’t stay around? Kyler is the exception to the rule, never leaving.

Kate slowly runs her fingers over my hair, trying to soothe the pain, but nothing will help. I should have known getting close to Finn again would only lead one place: my heart getting broken—again. Kate comforts me a second time in my life over a broken heart from Griffin Reynolds.

Sitting in the SeaTac airport, I wait for my flight home to board, satisfied that my best friend is making the move. Everything is coming together. My time with them this visit was short but enough to tide me over while he gives notice and puts the house on the market. I know he is concerned about telling Courtney’s parents about the move, but this is good for him and Andy. I reach into my pocket and grab my phone. I see a black screen. Shit. When did my phone die? I didn’t recall the last time I used it. My sole focus was spending time with Jax and Andy.

As Jax predicted, Andy was my alarm clock this morning when he jumped on top of me before my alarm even was set to go off.

I walk over to the convenience store there in the terminal and purchase gum, a cola, and a new phone charger. I find a seat near an open outlet and wait for my phone to kick back on.

There is a voicemail from Lauren and text messages out the ass from my sister.

Kelsey: What the hell did you do?