“I’ll teach you how to ski.” Max’s teeth flashed white against his face. “Trust me. I won’t let you fall.”
My chest knotted. I hated that Max still plagued me in the present when he should be rotting in the past, where he belonged.
Because of him, I hadn’t gone skiing in seven years. It’d been an unconscious choice, but I hadn’t realized how deep the scars ran until now. Everything that reminded me of Max made me want to hurl, but maybe it was time to replace those bad memories with new ones.
I didn’t want ski lessons from Josh, but I needed them. They would be a distraction, and when I got like this—when my mind couldn’t stop obsessing over the past to the point where I drove myself crazy—distractions were the only lifeline I had.
“Fine.” I rubbed the sleeve of my jacket between my thumb and forefinger, taking comfort in the sensation of thick, sturdy material against my skin. “But if I die, I’ll come back as a ghost and haunt you until the day you die.”
“Noted. I’m surprised you don’t know how to ski,” he said as we walked toward the bunny slope. “Thought you grew up near Blue Mills.”
Blue Mills was Ohio’s most famous ski resort, and it was located less than an hour’s drive from Whittlesburg, the Columbus suburb where I grew up.
“My family wasn’t big on skiing.” I zipped and unzipped the top of my jacket to release some of the restless energy pouring through my veins. “We didn’t have the money for it even if we were.”
I wanted to snatch back the accidental admission the second it left my mouth, but it was too late.
A frown carved itself into Josh’s forehead.
He knew I’d attended Thayer undergrad on a need-based scholarship, but what he and even my closest friends didn’t know was how bad it’d been in the early years, before my mother married Alastair. And they sure as hell didn’t know how much worse it got after she married him, even though Alastair had been the richest man in town.
“You don’t talk much about your family.” Josh skipped over the part about us not being able to afford skiing—a tiny kindness I hadn’t expected but was nonetheless grateful for.
“There’s not much to talk about.” I bit the inside of my cheek until a faint coppery taste filled my mouth. “Family is family. You know how it is.”
A shadow crossed his face, dimming the light in his eyes and erasing any trace of his dimple. “I don’t think my family situation is a common one.”
I suppressed a wince.
Right.Psycho father who tried to kill Ava twice and who was now serving life behind bars. Not common indeed.
Michael Chen had seemed so normal, but the biggest monsters always lurked beneath the most unsuspecting guises.
Josh and I didn’t speak again until we arrived at the bunny slope.
“We’ll run through the basics first before going up the hill,” he said. “Don’t need you crashing into a poor child and traumatizing them. Lucky for you, I’m an awesome teacher, so this shouldn’t take too long.”
“Your hilarity is only matched by your modesty,” I deadpanned. “Okay, awesome teacher, let’s see what you got. And remember.” I pointed at him. “If I die, I’m haunting your ass for eternity.”
Josh placed a hand over his heart, a scandalized expression spreading across his face. Any hints of his earlier brooding had disappeared. “JR, I’m shocked. There are children around. Try to keep your obsession with my ass under wraps until we return to our room.”
I mimed gagging. “Unless you want my vomit decorating your fancy ski suit, I suggest you stop talking and start teaching.”
“I can’t teach without talking, genius.”
“Oh, shut up. You know what I mean.”
After another few minutes of bickering, we strapped on our skis and got down to business. I wasn’t a total novice, so I picked up the basics quickly. In theory, anyway.
I had the etiquette down pat, but we hit a tiny bump when Josh ran me through a series of exercises designed to make me more comfortable on skis.
“Shit!” Frustration welled in my stomach when my ass hit the ground for what must’ve been the dozenth time.
I didn’t remember it being so hard the first time around. I prided myself on being a fast learner, but we’d been at it for the better part of the morning and I’d only marginally improved.
“Let’s try again.”
To my surprise, Josh had remained calm during our entire lesson, never yelling or teasing me for not picking up what eleven-year-olds around us were accomplishing so spectacularly. Every time I messed up, he repeated the same three words. Let’s try again.
For the first time, I saw what he must be like in the emergency room: cool, level-headed, patient. It was strangely comforting, though I’d never admit it.
“I don’t think I’m built for skiing.” I pushed myself off the ground with a wince. “I propose we ditch the slopes for hot chocolate and people watching. We can guess who’s here with their mistress and who’ll be the first to hook up with a staff member.”
The we slipped out without thinking. Since when did I voluntarily include Josh in my activities? But people watching was no fun without someone to appreciate my insights, and since Ava was preoccupied, her brother was my only option.
Josh walked toward me, his steps slow and precise, until he was so close I could smell the faint, delicious scent of his cologne.
I forced myself not to shift beneath the weight of his scrutiny.
“We could do that,” he said. “But that would be quitting. Are you a quitter, Jules?”
My pulse kicked up at the sound of my name in that deep, slightly husky voice. Had he always sounded like that, or was I going crazy? His voice used to pierce my eardrums like nails dragging across a chalkboard. Now, it was…
Nope. Not going there.
“No.” I held his stare even as another bead of sweat rolled down my spine, leaving a trail of heat and electricity in its wake. “I’m not.”
The mere suggestion I was a quitter made my teeth clench.
“Good,” Josh said, still in that calm, even voice. “Try again.”
I did, again and again, until my muscles screamed and exhaustion clawed at my bones. But I would get the hang of this. I’d mastered harder things than skiing, and failure wasn’t an option. I needed to prove to myself I could do this. My pride wouldn’t allow anything else.
All the torture finally paid off an hour later when I completed all the exercises without falling and Josh proclaimed me ready for the bunny slope.
“Good job.” The corners of his mouth pulled up just the tiniest bit. “You caught on faster than most people.”
I narrowed my eyes, trying to detect any hint of sarcasm, but he sounded sincere.