JOSH
There were at leasta dozen different kinds of sex.
There was sweet, sensual lovemaking. Rough, hard fucking. There were casual quickies and emotional interludes and every shade of intimacy in between. After twenty-nine years on earth, I thought I’d experienced every type of sex possible.
Until Jules.
I didn’t even know what to call what we did. Sex seemed too bland and generic a description. It’d been something rawer, more primal. Something that dug deep into the nest of thorns hidden in the pits of my consciousness and yanked them out for the world to see. Every shadow and jagged piece of me, laid bare.
Jules had unlocked a darker version of me than I thought myself capable of, and now that it was out, I wasn’t sure I could ever put it back in.
It should’ve been terrifying, but it was liberating. The greatest high I’d ever experienced.
Greater than BASE jumping. Greater than mountain biking Bolivia’s infamous Death Road. And a million times greater than any night I’d spent with any woman in the past.
Jules and I hadn’t spoken a word to each other before I left the other night, but days later, my need for another hit consumed me.
“Earth to Josh.” Ava snapped her fingers in front of my face. “You there? Or are you already in New Zealand?” she teased.
I forced myself back into the present. It was one of the rare days we both had off, so we’d scheduled a catchup over lunch.
“Yeah.” I sipped my water, wishing it were something stronger. Was it too early to start drinking? It was five o’clock somewhere, right? “I wish I was in New Zealand. I can’t fucking wait.”
T-minus seven weeks until my trip. I was pumped, but I couldn’t summon the desire to talk about it. I was too distracted by thoughts of Jules.
Maybe I’d been right when I called her a succubus. That was the only explanation I could think of for the way she’d infiltrated my every waking and sleeping second.
“It’ll be fun.” Ava ripped off a piece of her bread and popped it in her mouth. “Just make sure to bring me back a Lord of the Rings souvenir or I’ll never forgive you.”
“You don’t even like Lord of the Rings. You fell asleep halfway through the first movie.”
“Yes, but you can’t go to New Zealand without bringing back a LOTR souvenir. It’s inhumane.”
“Inhumane. I don’t think that word means what you think it means,” I said, citing one of our favorite movies.
The Princess Bride was one of my favorite movies. I wasn’t ashamed to admit it. It was a fucking classic.
Ava made a face. “Whatever. Speaking of, where were you Wednesday night? You didn’t answer any of your texts.”
Shit. I’d answered her texts the next morning, but I’d hoped she wouldn’t ask why I’d been MIA since we’d had tentative plans to watch the latest Marvel movie together.
“Sorry. Something came up that I needed to take care of right away.”
What would Ava say if she knew I’d slept with her best friend? Nothing good, I bet. She was fiercely protective of her friends, and she knew Jules and I mixed as well as oil and water.
Except for in bed, apparently.
“And the award for Vaguest Answer goes to...” Ava’s phone alarm went off, and she winced. “Shoot. I have to go. I’m meeting Alex for a show at the Renwick Gallery, but it was great catching up.” She stood and gave me a quick hug. “Get some rest, okay? You look exhausted.”
“What? No, I don’t.” I checked my reflection in the plate-glass window and relaxed. No pale skin, no purple smudges or bags beneath my eyes. I looked perfect.
“Made you look.” Ava grinned at my scowl. “You are so vain.”
“That’s a Carly Simon song, not an accurate descriptor of me.” Just because I cared about my appearance didn’t make me vain. The world traded in appearances, so it made sense for me to look as good as I could. “I thought you had to go,” I added pointedly.
I loved Ava, but like all little sisters, she could be a major pain in my ass.
No wonder she and Jules were friends.
“Fine, I can take a hint. But I’m serious,” she threw over her shoulder on her way out. “Get some rest. You can’t run on coffee forever.”
“I can try!” I called after her, earning myself an odd look from nearby diners.
Ava always fussed about my sleep schedule, but I was a medical resident. The only regular sleep schedule I had was a nonexistent one.
I closed out my check and left soon after my sister did. We had a great lunch, but I wished we could talk about more than our jobs and plans for the weekend. We used to be each other’s sounding boards, but now she had Alex and I had a crap ton of things I couldn’t tell her about. Namely, what happened with Jules, and Michael’s letters, of which I received another one yesterday.
Two years, and I couldn’t bring myself to cut him out of my life. I never visited him in prison, but I kept his correspondence as a proxy for…hell, I didn’t know. But every day, my curiosity intensified. It was only a matter of time before I opened one of his letters, and I hated my future self for it. It felt like a betrayal.