Six months ago, he inherited a fortune from the father he never knew. He went from a warzone to the boardroom virtually overnight. He's now in charge of one of the biggest hospitality conglomerates in the southern half of the United States. He owns everything from luxurious hotels to upscale restaurants to a freaking cruise line.
As the newest member of the billionaires' club, he's got his hands full. Women are crawling out of the woodwork to try to snare him. Men are lining up to befriend him. They're as fake as they come. Seven months ago, they wouldn't have given him the time of day. Now, they're fawning all over him like he's the Second Coming.
Jax isn't the kind of person who plays well with others. He can be autocratic and ruthless and a little grumpy. He doesn't have any family, and he doesn't trust most people. My brother is one of a few exceptions. So am I. Jax values our friendship and guards it closely.
It's one of the things I've always admired most about him. Even though he's a dozen years older than me and is Cyrus's friend more than mine, he's always been protective of me. He treats me like I'm important. When Cyrus was deployed, he called to check on me and my mom a lot. He came over for dinner. Even mowed the lawn so I wouldn't have to do it.
Of course, that only made me love him more.
I've tried so hard to hide it, but I think Cyrus knows how I feel about him. He hasn't said anything to Jax though, thank God. I live in fear of Jax ever finding out. Listening to him try to let me down gently would break my heart. It would break it even more to be the reason he and Cyrus stop speaking.
I don't think Jax even knows he's my boss. Gwen got me the job here eight months ago, but Jax was overseas at the time. He only got back stateside a few days before he found out about his dad. He came over to see me once right after he got back to Chattanooga.
He was…not good. Intoxicated. Angry at the world.
He tried to kiss me.
I dodged him and called Cyrus to come get him.
I've only seen him once since then. He's been busy and avoiding him seems like the safest option. He doesn't remember what happened. I'd prefer to keep it that way. Jax has never crossed a line with me or been anything less than a gentleman. He would be mortified to know he tried to kiss me.
Pretending it didn't happen is so much easier than listening to him tell me I'm a sweet girl but.
That's one conversation I never want to have with him. But I can't help but wish things were different…that they could be different. He makes me ache for things I don't understand, crave intimacy that I've never known. I'm a twenty-two-year-old virgin who has never been on a real date. The only kiss I've had was with Curtis Daniels during a game of Spin the Bottle when I was fourteen. He'd spent the whole party eating sour cream and onion chips. It was not a great experience for me.
But all I have to do is think of Jax and those mocha eyes, and my entire body aches. I fantasize about his rough hands and how good they'd feel against my body. I dream of him saying my name in that gritty voice of his, of feeling his lips on mine. Honestly, I've had dirty dreams about him so often over the years that it would probably make a porn star blush.
Gwen is the only one who knows just how bad I have it for Jax. Not even she knows that I've turned down more than one date because I can't imagine going out with anyone who isn't him. It's true though. The thought of anyone else touching me or kissing me makes my stomach hurt.
The thought of moving to Nashville for grad school and leaving him behind hurts too. We talked almost every day before he tried to kiss me. I've missed him so much. Trying to keep my distance is killing me, but it's the best thing for both of us.
At least this way, I get to keep him in my life in some way.
"Jessa?" Gwen snaps her fingers in front of my face. "Do you have a concussion?"
"No, I was just thinking."
"About the night he tried to kiss you?" she asks, placing her elbow on the bar and then leaning forward to place her chin on her hand. Her gaze runs over me, missing nothing. She's the only one who knows about that almost-kiss too. All Cyrus knows is that he showed up drunk and hurting. "You regret not letting him?"
"No," I say carefully. "I've been in love with him forever, but in every one of my dreams, when he kisses me, it's not because I'm convenient and he's in pain. It's because he wants me as much as I've always wanted him. And that won't ever happen. That can't happen. So no, I don't regret it. I'm not even mad at him for it. I just feel…bad for him."
"You want to know something?"
"What?"
"My whole life, I've wanted to be a famous musician. But when you told me what happened with Jax, I felt bad for him too. Can you imagine being normal one minute and then suddenly having all of this money and responsibility dropped on you by a man who couldn't even bother to be part of your life?" she asks me, her eyes wide and earnest. "It's messed up."
"Yeah, it is," I say softly, my heart pulsing with empathy for him. His mom died when he was younger. He went from thinking he was an orphan to finding out that his dad was alive and well and just couldn't be bothered. I never met his father, Charles Concord, but he doesn't seem like a very good man to me.
Jax is a far better person than I am. I probably would have burned his company to the ground and then felt badly about it later. Not Jax though. He stepped up to make sure that no one lost their jobs or livelihoods. He's doing the best he can to learn the ropes and make sure everyone is happy working for him.
Which is, I'm guessing, why he's here now. He's been making the rounds, trying to view every property he owns and meet as many employees as he can. I'm proud of him. He's an incredible man, determined to do what's right even though he doesn't owe his father a damn thing.
It makes me love him even more. But then again…there's not a lot he does that I don't love.
I don't know how I'm supposed to hide it for the rest of my life. But he's lost enough already. There's no way I'm going to be the reason he loses Cyrus too. Even if it means I have to watch the man I love fall in love with and marry someone else.
I press my hand to my stomach, trying to rub away the way it aches and churns at the thought of Jax with anyone else. As far as I know, he doesn't date. If he does, he doesn't talk about it to me. But sooner or later, it's bound to happen. Especially now that the entire female population knows his name.
"It's only three more months," Gwen says, reaching out to squeeze my free hand. "And then we'll move to Nashville and you'll be too busy with your classes to think about anything else."
"Right," I say, expelling a heavy breath. I just have to make it through today and then avoid him for the next three months, and then I'll be in Nashville for grad school.
I can pretend for three more months…right?