“I’m not this privileged person who has no idea that the world can be a bad place,” I say. “I grew up in the South with black parents. I saw a lot of crap.”
“And you still thought it would be okay to sell your virginity to a stranger?”
“You don’t want me to lecture you about the dangers of smoking, but you want to lecture me about what I did?”
“I know that smoking is dangerous for my health. I know that it’s turning my lungs black. Do you fully comprehend the danger you risked doing what you did? I didn’t have to go get condoms. And if I decided not to, you couldn’t have done anything about it.”
I weigh the truth of what he says. I was taking a big risk. What if I had ended up with Eric Drumm instead of Tony? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be as pleased.
“Okay,” I concede. “I got lucky.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe? I know it could have been ugly. I fully comprehend I could have gotten myself into real trouble.”
Tony shakes his head. “You are in trouble.”
While I ponder what he means, he adds, “You have no idea what I want to do to you.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Disgruntled, Tony pulls off the condom and gets out of bed. “I need to smoke.”
“Wait,” I say. “Isn’t there something else you can do? Like, watch tv or have a glass of water?”
“If you smoked, you’d know that those are poor substitutes for a cigarette.”
I hurry through various ideas and land on, “A blow job. Would that be better than smoking?”
He stares at me. “Are you offering?”
“Sure. Especially if it’d help save your life.”
“You've given many blowjobs before?"
"Some."
"How many?"
"Four or five... maybe three. I haven't had any complaints."
Walking over, he lifts my chin and studies me. I stare back into his almond shaped eyes, wishing I knew how to read them. He lets go. “All right. I won’t go for a smoke. We’ll shower, then get you home.”
Wait. He’s still planning on taking me home? After all that happened? What about the things he wants to do me? I watch him walk into the bathroom and turn on the shower. I’m not ready to go home. I want to see if I can understand those dark eyes of his. I want to get to know him more, to find out why it is I can simultaneously feel safe and scared with him.
I hear him step into the shower. I don’t get it. One minute he looks like he wants to devour me, the next he wants to get rid of me. Something tells me I should take advantage of the latter sentiment, but I’m the proverbial moth drawn to a flame. Which means I’m not acting practical despite my claim. I’m not harboring any romantic notions about Tony. He and I are from such different worlds, but maybe that’s what makes him interesting to me. I want to explore him more. Temporarily. I don’t expect to relocate into his world. I just want to be a visiting tourist.
I roll my eyes at my own metaphor and head into the bathroom. He’s already beneath the shower, water raining over his head and body. As the glass isn’t frosted and only partially encloses the shower, I can see everything. His butt is absolutely delicious. I’ve never been a butt person. Till now. The muscles are taut but the flesh is supple enough to sink one’s teeth into.
When he turns around to see me, he pauses, then steps aside, a wordless invitation. I step into the shower, feeling giddy, as if we hadn’t just had sex together for the first time. He lathers up his hands and applies the soap to my shoulders, gently washing me. My heart skips several beats when his hands move across my breasts, down my belly, and to my pelvis. His fingers comb my pubic hairs before spreading my thighs. He wipes away the blood there before finishing my legs. Turning me around, he washes my back and ass, and a familiar warmth stirs within me. God, how is he able to turn me on so much?
Taking the removable shower head in hand, he rinses my body. I gasp when the water streams between my legs, hitting the folds between them.
“You ever use one of these on yourself?” he asks.
I nod, a little embarrassed at admitting a fact I haven’t even shared with my roommates, though I’m pretty sure they’ve used the shower head for secondary purposes as well.
He adjusts the angle of the showerhead so that the water hits my clit. I close my eyes and bask in the pleasant sensations. While holding the showerhead in one hand, he massages my right breast with his free hand. I groan and begin to think he can do anything to me and my body will respond. I even relish the soreness in my vagina. It's sore because of him. As Talia would say, I can move on to better things now that I've gotten my virginity out of the way.