Chapter Twenty-Four
The following morning a male nurse was escorting Ashley back to her room. He said, "You seem different today."
"Do I, Bill?"
"Yeah. Almost like another person." Toni said softly, "That's because of you."
"What do you mean?"
"You make me feel different." She touched his arm and looked into his eyes. "You make me feel wonderful."
"Come on."
"I mean it. You're very sexy. Do you know that?"
"No."
"Well, you are. Are you married. Bill?"
"I was, once."
"Your wife was mad to ever let you go. How long have you worked here, Bill?"
"Five years."
"That's a long time. Do you ever feel you want to get out of here?"
"Sometimes, sure."
Toni lowered her voice. "You know there's nothing really wrong with me. I admit I had a little problem when I came in, but I'm cured now. I'd like to get out of here, too. I'll bet you could help me. The two of us could leave here together. We'd have a wonderful time."
He studied her a moment. "I don't know what to say."
"Yes, you do. Look how simple it would be. All you have to do is let me out of here one night when everyone's asleep, and we'll be on our way." She looked over at him and said softly, "I'll make it worth your while."
He nodded. "Let me think about it."
"You do that," Toni said confidently.
When Toni returned to the room, she said to Alette, "We're getting out of this place."
The following morning, Ashley was escorted into Dr. Keller's office.
"Good morning, Ashley."
"Good morning, Gilbert."
"We're going to try some Sodium Amytal this morning. Have you ever had it?"
"No."
"Well, you'll find it's very relaxing."
Ashley nodded. "All right. I'm ready."
Five minutes later. Dr. Keller was talking to Toni.
"Good morning, Toni."
"Hi, Dockie."
"Are you happy here, Toni?"
"It's funny you should ask that. To tell you the truth, I'm really beginning to like this place. I feel at home here."
"Then why do you want to escape?"
Toni's voice hardened. "What?"
"Bill tells me that you asked him to help you escape from here."
"That son of a bitch!" There was fury in her voice. She flew out of the chair, ran over to the desk, picked up a paperweight and flung it at Dr. Keller's head.
He ducked.
"I'll kill you, and I'll kill him!"
Dr. Keller grabbed her. "Toni - "
He watched the expression on Ashley's face change. Toni had gone. He found that his heart was pounding.
"Ashley!"
When Ashley awakened, she opened her eyes, looked around, puzzled, and said, "Is everything all right?"
"Toni attacked me. She was angry because I found out she was trying to escape."
"I - I'm sorry. I had a feeling that something bad was happening."
"It's all right. I want to bring you and Toni and Alette together."
"No!"
"Why not?"
"I'm afraid. I - I don't want to meet them. Don't you understand? They're not real. They're my imagination."
"Sooner or later, you're going to have to meet them, Ashley. You have to get to know one another. It's the only way you're going to be cured."
Ashley stood up. "I want to go back to my room."
When she was returned to her room, Ashley watched the attendant leave. She was filled with a deep sense of despair. She thought. I'm never going to get out of here. They're lying to me. They can't cure me. She could not face the reality that other personalities were living inside of her.... Because of them, people had been murdered, families destroyed. Why me, God? She began to weep. What did I ever do to you? She sat down on the bed and thought, I can't go on like this. There's only one way to end it. I have to do it now.
She got up and walked around the small room, looking for something sharp. There was nothing. The rooms had been carefully designed so that there was nothing in them that would allow the patients to harm themselves.
As her eyes darted around the room, she saw the paints and canvas and paintbrushes and walked over to them. The handles of the paintbrushes were wooden. Ashley snapped one in half, exposing sharp, jagged edges. Slowly, she took the sharp edge and placed it on her wrist. In one fast, deep movement, she cut into her veins and her blood began to pour out. Ashley placed the jagged edge on her other wrist and repeated the movement. She stood there, watching the blood stain the carpet. She began to feel cold. She dropped to the floor and curled up into a fetal position.
And then the room went dark.
When Dr. Gilbert Keller heard the news, he was shocked. He went to visit Ashley in the infirmary. Her wrists were heavily bandaged. Watching her lying there, Dr. Keller thought, I can't ever let this happen again.
"We almost lost you," he said. "It would have made me look bad."
Ashley managed a wry smile. "I'm sorry. But everything seems so - so hopeless."
"That's where you're wrong," Dr. Keller assured her. "Do you want to be helped, Ashley?"
"Yes."
"Then you have to believe in me. You have to work with me. I can't do it alone. What do you say?"
There was a long silence. "What do you want me to do?"
"First, I want a promise from you that you'll never try to harm yourself again."
"All right. I promise."
"I'm going to get the same promise now from Toni and Alette. I'm going to put you to sleep now."
A few minutes later. Dr. Keller was speaking to Toni.
"That selfish bitch tried to kill us all. She thinks only about herself. Do you see what I mean?"
"Toni - "
"Well, I'm not having it. I - "
"Will you be quiet and listen to me?"
"I'm listening."
"I want you to promise that you'll never harm Ashley."
"Why should I promise?"
"I'll tell you why. Because you're part of her. You were born out of her pain. I don't know yet what you've had to go through, Toni, but I know that it must have been terrible. But you have to realize that she went through the same thing, and Alette was born for the same reason as you. The three of you have a lot in common. You should help each other, not hate each other. Will you give me your word?"
Nothing.
"Toni?"
"I suppose so," she said grudgingly.
"Thank you. Do you want to talk about England now?"
"No."
"Alette. Are you there?"
"Yes." Where do you think I am, stupid?
"I want you to make me the same promise that Toni did. Promise never to harm Ashley."
That's the only one you care about, isn't it? Ashley,
Ashley, Ashley. What about us?
"Alette?"
"Yes. I promise."
The months were going by, and there were no signs of progress. Dr. Keller sat at his desk, reviewing notes, recalling sessions, trying to find a clue to what was wrong. He was taking care of half a dozen other patients, but he found that it was Ashley he was most concerned about. There was such an incredible chasm between her innocent vulnerability and the dark forces that were able to take over her life. Every time he talked to Ashley, he had an overpowering urge to try to protect her. She's like a daughter to me, he thought. Who am I kidding? I'm falling in love with her.