“Only the ones that were close to the entrance like me. There were five of us, the rest perished behind the wall of rock that closed the mine. It took five days to dig them out, and by then, they had all died, including the foreman who refused to listen to my concerns. The man who thought I was just a kid and had no idea what I was talking about.”
Suddenly she threw her arms around him, and he could feel her tears on his shirt. “No wonder you hate this day. No wonder you got out of mining.”
His throat clogged with tears as he remembered stepping out into the sunshine, all covered in dust. The way it seemed like the earth was moving and the mountain was reclaiming the tunnel they had created. Of how after everything stopped moving, the men sprang into action and began to remove the rocks while others shouted for more beams to support the roof. How he knew, as he gazed at their panicked faces, that he would never see his parents alive again.
“It’s my fault,” he said. “I should have been stronger against the foreman and demanded they put in more support beams.”
“Do you really think that would have stopped the mine from collapsing?”
Over and over, he’d considered if more beams would have stopped that rumbling noise. He didn’t think it would have made a bit of difference. The mountain rained rocks down on them that day. The crack was just an indication of the bigger problems in the mine.
Even his brother believed that portion of the mountain was unstable and did not reopen that mining operation but moved to a new section of the mountain. A new place where they found the silver, crystal, and minerals they were searching for.
“No,” he said softly.
“So why is this your fault?”
“I could have done more to stop the collapse. I could have made them listen to me.”
“How?”
Lifting his hand from around her back, he ran it through his hair. “I just think there is more I could have done.”
“You would have needed a miracle,” she said. “The foreman refused to listen to you. He thought you were too young. How could you have gotten through to him? As much as you loved him, even your own father was not too concerned and didn’t come look at the crack. When we don’t pay attention to one another’s concerns, it can cost us so much.”
It was true that even his father had left it up to the foreman.
“It would have been so much easier if I’d died inside there with them,” he said softly. “A lot less pain. A lot less sorrow. I’ve often thought of ending it all just because of the mine collapse. It would be easier.”
Blanche glanced at him and shook her head. “Oh, hell no. You lived through that hell for a reason. God has a purpose for you. You’re going to be a father soon and your children do not need you to decide you can’t live any longer with the pain. Those people who died in that mine accident would want you to continue living the life that was taken from them. It wasn’t your fault. If you must place blame, then it’s the foreman’s for not listening to you. But don’t you even think about leaving me behind with Jakob. We need you, and our children will need you. I need you.”
The hawk circled above them as the wind whispered through the trees.
He glanced at Blanche and could see the concern in her bright emerald eyes shining with tears.
“Promise me, you’ll not leave me,” she whispered, her voice choking. “Promise. If I were one of those miners and I knew you killed yourself because of our deaths, I’d be angry. You’re giving up your life and they had their lives taken from them.”
He’d never thought of it that way, but maybe it was true. Maybe he needed to live his life for them. For all the ones who died because no one believed him. If only someone had listened to him, they would all be here.
Oh God, how he’d tried to convince that foreman, but he refused to listen.
He lifted his head and pulled Blanche deeper into his arms and kissed her, his lips covering hers, commanding her surrender. This was the life he was being blessed with. This woman was his wife and he hoped they would have children in a year.
She broke the kiss and stared into his eyes. And he knew she demanded that he give her his promise.
With a sigh, he closed his eyes. “I promise I will never leave you because of my own selfish actions. What God has in store for me, I can’t commit a promise on. But if I die, it will never be from my own hand.”
She grabbed his face and kissed him hard. “Thank you. You’ve carried a heavy burden for so long. Don’t you think these people lying here in this cemetery would want you to be released from the guilt you feel? They know you tried to save them. They know it wasn’t your fault. They want you to live a happy life.”
“Maybe,” he said, trying hard to believe what she was saying. It was just so different than what he’d believed all these years. But to live his life for them was an idea he liked.
“See that hawk up there. Give your guilt to him and let him carry it away. Be free to live your life without the burden of something you could not control. Even your mother and father would not have wanted you to suffer for so long from this tragedy.”
Tears filled his eyes as he gazed at the hawk and slowly let his guilt fly away with the bird. Maybe it would come back. Maybe it would awaken him in the night once again, but for now, he felt lighter. Freer.
And he had this beautiful woman to thank for this second chance at life. A life without pain and guilt.