ChapterThree
Mara
I stare in shock at River. I knew at some point I’d see him around, but I thought it would be in our building. I always take the stairs, so I’m sure that lessens the chance but I also peek past the gates before I enter to make sure that I don’t see him. I do the same before I come down the last flight of stairs. For the past two weeks, that plan has been working because I haven’t seen him at all.
With how big the campus is, I thought if I happen to spot him, I could easily remember when and where I was and then avoid that place. Of course, even with all my planning, I still manage to run into him. Literally. How is this my life? All of the creeping around was for nothing, and of course, I’m again running right into his giant body that’s as hard as a brick wall. I swear it’s even bigger than before.
“I’m sorry.” I force the words past my lips even though my heart is lodged in my throat. He’s more handsome than I remember him being. Each time I see him, he looks more and more like a man.
I wonder why he hasn’t been matched with a bride or engaged already. Why did that thought come into my brain? Oh, that’s right, because my brain doesn’t function like normal. Not only does it malfunction and give me panic attacks, it also thinks about things it shouldn’t. That’s why I haven’t been matched with anyone. Well, that’s my guess, at least. I’m too weird for someone to want this full-time.
“My fault,” he responds as a smile spreads across his face. “Felipe told me you were going to be around.”
Why is he being nice to me?
“Yeah, it’s my first year.” I stand there awkwardly. Have I been quiet too long? Should I say something else, or is it his turn?
Oh gosh, he might be gearing up to lay into me. As always, my brain goes to the worst-case scenario. I’ll be the girl River Andora laid into in the quad. Without having to try, River will be popular from his last name alone. More so because of Felipe these days. Everyone will know about it. Then the gossip will start. I couldn’t stand the whispers for the next four years. I have to get out of here.
“I was—”
“I’ve got to go,” I blurt out before I turn and take off.
The last time I saw River, he told me to stay the hell away from him, and that’s what I’m going to do. The bakery incident was embarrassing enough. It only solidified that the worst things in my mind can and do happen. It was a mild setback for me, and I might not have told anyone about what happened, but my mom knew something was up. She’s too good at figuring things out.
I also recall a few years ago Glenda being pretty upset with how River was handling the whole fallout between families. I think River blames my brother for it. Cillian went against River’s father’s wishes and married Glenda anyway. If he only knew the role I played in that ordeal.
“Mara!” I hear him call after me.
What the hell? Panic starts to rise up my throat. No, not now. I will not have an attack. I breathe in through my nose and out my mouth. When that doesn't work, I come to a stop and rest my hand on a tree. I do my best to follow the three-three-three rule Dr. Abram taught me.
“I see a tree, I see a butterfly, I see grass,” I whisper to myself. “I hear a lawn mower, I hear footsteps.”
“Mara!”
“I hear River,” I say as he comes to stand next to me.
“Why are you running from me?” he asks because he’s probably confused why any girl would ever run from him.
I wiggle my fingers before I tap my toes. Lastly, I lift my arm to tuck my hair behind my ear. The panic attack seems to have faded, and I’m surprised it actually worked. I can do this. I turn to face the boy I once had a crush on as a little girl when he came to my older sister’s wedding.
“You don’t like me,” I remind him.
“I never said that.”
“I think you made that pretty clear. I didn’t know you were in the quad or I wouldn't have gone near it.” I start to walk again.
“Shit,” he curses under his breath. I think we’re done, but a couple seconds later, he runs to catch up to me.
“You’re following me,” I point out. What’s wrong with me? Could I be more awkward? Stop pointing out obvious things that don’t need to be said.
“I’m sorry. I was an asshole. You caught me off guard that day, and I had no clue it was you.”
“But when you realized it, you practically knocked me over.”
“I—”
“Don’t lie. You gripped my shoulder and said I smelled good. It wasn’t like I ran into you and then fell backwards. When you jumped backwards to get away from me, you released my shoulders at the same time, and it knocked me off balance. Not like you tried to help me back up because it was all an accident.” I’d been so shocked by the action after he’d said I smelled good a half-second before.
“I just needed some space between us. You’re tiny, and I guess I didn’t know my strength. Like I said, I’m sorry.” I stop walking and stare at him. He runs his hand through his short hair, making it disheveled.
“Okay. Thank you.” I turn and start walking again.
“For short legs, you walk pretty damn fast.” Again he jogs to catch up with me.
“I’m in a hurry.”
“To get away from me?” I peek over at him, and he smirks, and damn him, a laugh sneaks out of me.
“I guess.” I slow my steps, but it’s not like he really needs me to. He’s extremely close as we walk. So close I bet we appear to be a couple.
“I suppose I deserve that.” His hand brushes against mine, and I jerk it back. I pretend to tuck my hair behind my ear even though it’s already there. It must have been an accident on his part. “You headed back to our building?”
“Yes.”