“Are you all right?” I ask, worried. Why is she arming herself to visit Jerrok’s station? “Do we need to talk?”
She shakes her head, biting her lip. “I just feel strange not having some sort of weapon on me at all times. I don’t want to bring a blaster, of course, but I thought maybe this would be all right in case I have to defend you.”
“I understand,” I tell her, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“You do?” She clearly expected me to be upset. “Even though I know Jerrok and Sophie are friends? You don’t think I’m turning into Bad Guy Helen again?”
Does she think of herself as a bad guy, then? My poor love. I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. “Keep it with you if you like. But you know you have weapons on you at all times already, don’t you?” I take one hand and turn it, palm up. “You’ve killed more people with these than with the rolling pin.”
“That’s true.” She sounds thoughtful. “But there’s something so comfortable about carrying the rolling pin instead.”
I get it. After what we’ve been through, it’s hard to let down your guard and to just relax. Kef, wasn’t I just musing that the ship felt strangely quiet after Bethiah and Zebah left? It’s hard to shift gears.
It’ll be easier when we get a station of our own, I decide. The more I think about the idea, the more it appeals to me. We need room to stretch out and stability. We need a quiet corner of the galaxy to call our own, where no one will bother us unless we want to be bothered. With mates and now babies on the way, it just makes sense. I just hope Jerrok doesn’t feel as if we’re horning in on his territory.
Maybe if he does, we can talk to Lord va’Rin about letting us settle somewhere remote on Risda III, just far enough from the settlement for Helen’s privacy. She won’t like living planet-side, but it’ll be safer for all of us.
“Carry your rolling pin as much as you like, love,” I tell her. “I know you’re not going to use it. But if it makes you feel better to keep it at hand, then do that. I don’t mind.”
She smiles up at me, the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. “You know I take your safety very seriously.”
Now it’s my turn to smile. Only Helen would look at me and think that I need to be protected. It’s a strange turnabout but I like it, and I like that it makes her feel powerful. “Come on then, my lovely bodyguard. I need to go talk to Jerrok and feel him out about station competition.”
Helen tucks herself under my arm and we head off the ship together, pirate captain and bodyguard.
CHAPTER 111
HELEN
When Jerrok claps Mathiras on the back and greets him with a smile, I feel less like I need to clutch my rolling pin so tightly. It just feels…big, this moment, and my brain now thinks that big moments are danger moments. I know that’s not the case, especially here, but I still feel better with my hand on my weapon, even as I watch my mate grin and clap his buddy on the back.
There’s a small part of my brain that looks at Jerrok’s bionic enhancements—his eyes, his strange limbs that don’t quite align with his general shape—and alerts me that he could be danger. It’s part of that programming they gave me when they made me, I think, because I know Jerrok won’t mean harm, just as I know that his cybernetics are cheap and outdated. Even as I dismiss him as a threat, my hind-brain is going through a checklist of how to disable him. Take him by the neck and cut off breath supply until he collapses. Find wiring under his cybernetic arm and detach. Pull out bionic eyes. As for the leg—
“Glad you’re back and in one piece,” Jerrok says, nodding at us. “Jade has been worried, and Sophie’s worried about Jade.”
“Everything all right with them?” Mathiras sounds concerned, his smile fading.
Jerrok grunts, his mood souring. “Sophie just stresses that Jade isn’t happy here and she’s doing something wrong. I’ve tried telling her that she doesn’t have to please everyone, and Jade isn’t here because she wants to be, she’s here because it’s safe. But my mate is soft-hearted.” His expression gentles. “She’s with Sleipnir in the gardens right now, making sure he’s not stressed over your landing. She’ll join us soon.”
Oh, gardens. I love the gardens. I squeeze my rolling pin against my chest. “I’d love for us to stay in the gardens for a little while we’re here, Matty,” I tell my mate. “We have time, right?”
“We’ll make time,” he promises me, and tugs me to his side. “Jerrok, I don’t know if anyone’s told you yet, but Helen and I have mated.”