“Is that bad?” I bite my lip, worried.
He pulls me in for a fierce kiss, chuckling. “It is not bad, but I do need a moment to recover. And you should probably let the sore parts of you rest for a bit.” He nibbles on my lip. “You are perfect and I never want you to think otherwise.”
I smile at him between kisses. “So what now?”
The question makes Matty pause. Thoughtful, he tilts his head and considers. “Well, I suppose next is Risda and Lord va’Rin. We’ll talk to him about the slaves we found while Straik puts together his plan to confront his mother. He wants to handle it, so I really do feel we should let him.” His expression goes vague for a moment, and then he sighs. “I hate the thought of burdening Lord va’Rin, but he must have known that we’d probably find a good deal of slaves or clones, so I can’t imagine this will catch him totally by surprise. And he has an entire planet—and more, I imagine—in which to settle them. Once we’re assured they’re taken care of, we can look at buying a station. I’m thinking something in a not-too-heavily trafficked area, but not so remote that it’ll be impossible to get supplies out there. And then there’ll be the process of establishing a home there. Once we’re ready, we can ask Zoey to join us, too. What do you think?”
I blink at him. “Well…I was thinking more like, shower and then head to bed. But all that other stuff sounds good, too.”
His cheeks grow dark and a flicker of embarrassment crosses his face. “Ah. You meant next as in “tonight.” I’m already thinking two steps ahead, I’m afraid.”
“That’s all right,” I tell him cheerfully. “I like your responsible mind. I like everything about you.” I pause, and then draw a finger down his chest. “I really liked that piercing. And your spur. In fact, your spur might be my new favorite body part.”
“I’ve definitely created a monster,” he teases. His tail thumps next to my leg, and Matty glances around, his horns scraping on the floor. “I hope there’s not a vid monitor in here or we might have given someone a show.”
I shrug. “Don’t care. This was the perfect place for our second date.”
Matty’s chest rumbles with another laugh. “Our second date?”
“Well…yeah.” I smile at him, loving how easily he laughs with me. He needs me, I realize. No one else can make him laugh at himself or forget that he doesn’t have to be worrying over responsibilities every second of every hour. “Our first date was on Three Nebulas. This is officially date number two.”
“I’m terrified of what date number three will involve,” he jokes. “Childbirth?”
I sit up on his chest, my eyes going wide. “Oh my gosh. Matty, do you think you just got me pregnant? I didn’t even think about babies!”
His mouth flattens. “Helen, I don’t know if you’re even fertile. You were designed to be an assassin and probably a bed slave. I can’t imagine whoever made you would want you to be able to easily get pregnant.”
“Oh.” My shoulders slump. “You’re probably right.”
He reaches up and cups my cheek. “But we should probably talk about children regardless. You want them?”
“I do.”
“As immediately as Alice and Jade?” He pauses and then adds, “And uh, Ruth? And Zoey?” Then he frowns. “Why the kef is every female I know pregnant except you?”
“Sophie’s not,” I point out.
Mathiras nods. “Sophie’s said before she’s not ready for children yet. But I know you’ve mentioned it plenty of times in the past. How do you feel about it right now? Do you want to have children right away?”
“I want what you want,” I tell him immediately.
“No,” Mathiras says in a gentle voice. “I’m asking you what you genuinely want, Helen. I’d be fine with whatever you decide, but I want it to be your decision.”
I consider for a moment. I’ve always wanted babies and I love the thought of having one in my arms, one that looks just like Matty. But…if I’m pregnant, I can’t guard him. Right now, I really enjoy guarding him. And a baby would be a lot of work. I think about Jade and how she’s constantly barfing and inwardly flinch. I think about Alice, and how she’s always having to feed Sterre and ensure that she’s safe and making plans that involve the carinoux as well. How the carinoux goes with them, even in the showers.
Right now, I kinda like that it’s just me and Matty in the showers. It means I get to touch him as much as I want. I bite my lip. “Is it selfish to want things to be just you and me for a bit? I still want babies—a lot of them—but I’m having fun with just you and me right now. There’s a lot I want to experience before we make a family, I think.”