It’s…an excellent point.
Helen’s not done putting me in my place, either. She continues. “The men that cloned me. They picked this age for me deliberately. I’m assuming it’s because I’m an adult, right? Because they wanted to have sex with me? They see me as an adult, so why don’t you?”
“Helen…”
“I am the same age as Aithar,” she points out. “No one refers to him as a child. So can you please stop it? All I want is to be your friend and you’re making it very difficult for me when you hurt my feelings and undermine me.”
I stare. She’s right. She’s absolutely right. I can’t treat her like a child when it suits me and then pant after her like an adult. I wouldn’t take a child on this mission and yet I caved the moment Helen insisted. And while we did train Zoey on how to defend herself with weapons and how to fly the ship when she was a tiny thing, she was very different than Helen in both personality and size. Even if I don’t like to admit it to myself, Helen’s an adult.
A beautiful, innocent adult, but an adult.
And I need to apologize. “I’m sorry,” I say. “You’re absolutely right, and I’m glad you said something. I’ve been unfair to you and I’ll stop. You’re an adult, Helen, and I apologize again if I made you feel like less of a person with my words.”
She gives me a beautiful, sweet smile. “I’m glad we talked.” She leans in. “Adiron said I should stick a finger in your ear but I thought I might tell you how I felt instead.”
Keffing Adiron. “I’m glad you didn’t listen to him.” I rub a hand over my face, feeling like an ass. “I really have been unfair, and I’m sorry. It’s just easier for me if the boundary between us is clear.”
Her delicate brows furrow. “What boundary?”
“That we’re companions and not lovers. We need to make it clear to people.”
She continues to give me a puzzled look. “Why?”
“Because it’d be wrong. I’d be taking advantage of you. You’re too innocent, Helen.”
After a long moment of silence, Helen huffs at me. “You never asked me if I wanted to be your lover, Mathiras.”
I…have no words. Again, she’s right. I’ve never asked and she’s never said. I just assumed with the way she acts sometimes… “You don’t?”
“Maybe I don’t!” She lifts her chin, all defiance.
“Well that’s a keffing relief,” I lie, managing a smile.
CHAPTER 17
HELEN
Boundaries. That frustrating male wants to talk about boundaries? I’ll show him boundaries.
Hours later, I pace in my quarters, seething over the conversation I had with Mathiras earlier. It was going so well, too. I told him all about how he’d hurt my feelings and he acknowledged it. He acknowledged that I was an adult, too. Finally, I thought, we were getting somewhere. And then he threw out the whole “keeping a boundary between us” thing and I got so mad I wanted to scream at him.
Why does he never ask me anything? Why does he just assume he knows best?
When we were on the abandoned mining station together, boundaries were never brought up. I had nightmares when I was alone, so we slept in the same bed together and cuddled to share heat. It was always really nice and I loved it. He never touched me inappropriately or acted in a way that was bad. He never pinched like the bad men did, or made me feel dirty. We ate our meals together, we explored together, and we slept together. We talked all the time. Sure, I was separated from my friends, but I had Mathiras, and that made it okay.
Obviously Mathiras thinks if we go back to those sorts of days—eating and sleeping together—everyone’s going to see us as lovers. And apparently that’s bad in his eyes.
Well, too bad for him. I stare down at my small bed in Zoey’s old quarters. I should probably get some sleep. It’s late in the day “cycle” that we’re keeping on the ship, but I’m not tired. I’m too angry at Mathiras and frustrated by the way he blows hot and cold.
Everything was perfect when we were on the mining station. I want that Mathiras back. I don’t want these “boundaries” he keeps putting between us, treating me like I’m a stranger, or worse, a burden. Boundaries are bad. I’m not going to let him boundary me. I put my hands on my hips, glaring at my quarters, and then stare at my bed a moment longer.
Aha.
I scoop up my bedding and the pillow that I bought back in Port. With the blankets in my arms, I head out of my room—
—and practically run into Adiron.
He gives me a sleepy look and a yawn. “Laundry? Are the bots not working?”