“But we already know each other,” I protest. “We spent almost a month on the mining station together, alone. We’ve talked and talked. I’m ready to get to the new stuff.”
He shakes his head. “We need to take our time,” he says firmly. “Make sure we’re comfortable with each other’s bodies. I don’t want to rush you.”
Get comfortable with each other’s bodies? I’m not sure how much more comfortable I can be with his. “But you’ve seen me naked, Mathiras.”
At my words, he looks shocked. “What? No, I haven’t.”
Now I’m confused. “But we showered together on the station. Every time. We showered a lot. You held my hand when I got scared about being in there alone.”
“Ah.” Realization dawns on him. “Yes, well, you might have been naked, but I didn’t look.”
Now I’m really confused. “Why wouldn’t you look? I looked at you.”
Mathiras’s mouth quirks in an almost-smile, like he’s fighting it. “Did you? What did you think?”
I don’t want to hurt his feelings and point out that his male parts were floppier than I imagined. “Perhaps we shouldn’t discuss this after all.”
He tilts his head, his horns catching one of the flickering lights from a server’s necklace and gleaming. Mathiras squeezes my fingers. “Wait, no. We’re talking about everything, remember? This is part of the process. What did you think of my naked body? Did you find it offensive?”
“It wasn’t offensive,” I reassure him. “And I’m sure your penis will work just fine, no matter the size.”
His face contorts, and I can’t tell if he’s about to laugh or if he’s choking. “My penis? You had a problem with my penis?”
“Yours wobbles a bit more than the ones in the vids. And it’s not nearly as big or hard.” Mathiras’s shoulders hunch and jerk, and I worry he’s going to start crying. Alice always says men are sensitive about their dicks, and I didn’t listen to her. I grab his hand in both of mine and press a kiss to his knuckles instead, trying to comfort him. “I love you, Mathiras. No matter what your penis looks like. I promise you it changes nothing between us.”
Mathiras wheezes, and with his other hand, he presses it to his mouth, shoulders shaking.
“Please don’t be mad,” I beg. “I’m just trying to be honest.”
“Helen,” he chokes out, and I realize he’s laughing. “I wasn’t hard.”
“I noticed. It’s okay. I’m sure it’s a perfectly lovely penis—”
“No, no, no,” he shakes his head, laughing. “I mean, I wasn’t hard. Ah, kef, how do I explain this?” He throws his head back and stares up at the ceiling, wiping his hand down his face. But he’s smiling, and I’m so damned relieved. I don’t let go of his hand, just squeeze it and press tiny kisses to his knuckles, waiting for him to compose himself. “Those vids have really messed up your perception of sex. I want to rip the tails off of every keffing asshole that gave them to you.”
“They were trying to help me,” I protest, thinking of the nice guards at Port.
Mathiras snorts this time, reaching to grab his ale. He takes a huge swig of the nasty drink and then shakes his head, turning back to me. “No, they weren’t. They were getting off on your responses. Those vids they gave you? That’s not how real sex works. It’s all a performance for the vids, and it’s exaggerated. And my cock is not always hard. Kef, I wouldn’t be able to walk if that was the case. But it gets hard at the right times. You’ve felt how hard I was before, didn’t you? When we were in bed together?”
Now I’m frowning, because he’s right. It did feel nice and hard and good when he was rubbing it against my backside. It doesn’t match up with the floppy jumble of male parts I recall from the showers. “Maybe you’ll have to show me again when we return to the ship.”
“I don’t know what it says about me that I’m considering this,” he grumbles. “Fine, when we get back, I’ll show you how—”
Before he can finish his statement, a gigantic shadow falls over our table, blotting out the dancing lights from the servers and the wall sconces. I look up…and up…and up…and see a strange, cat-like face on the hulking male looming over us.
“Where’s my credits?” he demands from Mathiras in an ugly voice. He pulls out a blaster and points it right at Mathiras’s forehead. “Pay up or I’m leaving.”
Mathiras goes still, dropping my hand. His expression is blank as he gazes up at the stranger.
How dare he? No one threatens my Mathiras, especially not when he’s going to show me how to make his penis get hard later. Annoyed, I survey the two men. Neither one is looking at me so I pretend to grab my drink with one hand, and instead slip my blaster out from under my cloak and point it at the cat-male’s crotch under the table.