He had missedfive years of his daughter's life. Grief crashed over him. That was five years that he would never get back. He would never know her as a baby or toddler. He would never get to see her first shift.
He tried to shake himself out of the malaise. He knew now. He would do the best he could to make it up to her. She was only five. She might not even remember that he had been absent for the first part of her life. Or she might, but he could start now with her, and most of her childhood memories would include him. He could still be a father to her.
She came running into the living room and Everleigh held her arm out. Eliza joined their hug, and Roman carefully moved one arm to her shoulder.
I will be a good father to you. I will do everything in my power to make that happen.
He tried, but he could not let go of his frustration with Everleigh that she had kept this from him. It was the biggest thing that had ever happened to him and he had not known it. He tried to talk himself out of it, making excuses for her, but it didn't work all the time. He kept coming back to it, even over the next few days as he spent time with them both.
But sadly, he did have to go back to Anchorage. Finally, the morning that he had to leave, he asked if he could take Eliza to school.
"It's so much easier now than it was even a year ago. A year ago, she just could not focus on getting her clothes on, but she wouldn’t let me help."
"I wouldn't know that, would I?" Roman snapped.
Everleigh whirled around. "If that's the kind of attitude you're going to have, you can leave my house right now."
He deflated. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap."
"No, I don't think you understand. You walked away from me and never looked back. It was wrong of me to keep her from you, but that's not how I thought. I didn't think of it as punishing you. I never intended to tell you. I thought of it as protecting my daughter. And hanging onto my own sanity, so that I could raise her."
"I’m sorry," he said. "I really am. I regret it."
He knew he’d still have some lingering issues with having missed the first part of Eliza’s life, but he’d have to work that out without blaming Everleigh.
He kissed the top of her head. He really didn’t want to leave.
* * *
In an ideal world,they would move back to Anchorage and raise Eliza there. But he wasn't going to bring that up to her yet. That wasn't a discussion for the first week after she told him the truth. He had finally begun to understand just how much he had broken her heart.
Now it was time for him to make some arrangements.
He was going to move to Juneau.
He needed something big and meaningful to show her that he was committed and that he was sincere. They hadn’t even discussed their relationship, but now that they had a child together, he felt like he could skip a few of the stages.
But he also never wanted to take her for granted, ever again.
Giving up his role as Alpha seemed like a pretty big deal and would hopefully prove that he was ready to move forward in their relationship.
He needed to rent a house, but he didn't want to go through Everleigh to do so. He wanted to surprise her. So one day when she went to have lunch with their daughter, he snuck into the real estate office and talked to one of her coworkers.
He had to do something concrete to prove to her that he was in this for the long haul. Just talking about moving to Juneau wasn’t going to cut it. She'd been the one to sacrifice last time, now it was his turn.
As soon as her coworker named Jenny saw him, she smiled. "Hey, Everleigh’s showing a house , and she's not back yet."
Did everyone know that he was Eliza's father? He guessed that they did not, based on the warm reception that he received. They just thought of him as Everleigh’s brand-new boyfriend who was attentive and kind.
"I know she's not back yet. I actually wanted to speak to you alone. Would you be comfortable helping me rent a house here and keeping it a secret from her for just today?"
"Is this a surprise for her?"
"Yes. It is."
"In that case, I will do anything I can to help you. She was so happy when you guys started dating again."
"She was?" To him she had seemed a little skeptical, understandably.